Could it be?

Question

I can't seem to get into a relationship because I have a tendency to sabatoge them before it becomes one. I know I'm afraid of being hurt.

Could it also be that I am doing this because I'm trying to be with the wrong man instead of the man that God will send to me. I am beginning to wonder if God hasn't already done so.

I decided not to date anymore because I don't want to hurt anyone or myself anymore. I also get into a panicked state when I am dating. I feel much more relaxed when I'm not dating. I don't have to worry if the guy is a dog.

What do you think?

Answer 1

My guess is that your feelings about and behavior with men TODAY may be traced to early experiences with the most important man in your life -your FATHER. And as you can well imagine, its not too much of a pyschologocal leap from your earthly father to your Father in heaven -both very powerful guys. And, by the way, whether your father was actually present or not in your childhood isn't the point -he was a powerful figure either way.

So, in addition to prayerful consideration, you might want to put on your detective's hat and do some forensic investigation into your own past. What can you find in memories of childhood experience and early teen years that is in any way similar to what's going on today. Then, start connecting some dots.

What do I think? Read the last line of your question -the one before asking what I think:

"I don't have to worry if the guy is a dog."

What I think is that the characterization of a "safe" man as a "dog" has a lot of special meaning in it. What do YOU think?

Answer 2

I think you are too self conscious and too worried about "getting hurt" to form a relationship. I do not think the problem is the "wrong man" as much as your not being able to forget yourself and think of somebody else, namely what the man might want or need. All the panic attacks and self consciousness are causing you not to be able to form friendships, because that is really what you do in dating is to form friendships. If there is an attraction there and also friendship that is something to build on.

I do not think you can "stop dating and wait for God to send you someone" because it doesn't work that way. You are going to have to take risks, and then if you meet someone and something clicks, it is then you pray and ask God's blessing on that and if it is the right relationship, and if it is God will send both of you a sense of rightness or sureness through the Holy Spirit (if he is a Godly man).

I think though first you need some Christian counseling to work out your own personal hangups.

Answer 3

You're not ready to be in a relationship because you must have trust or it's not going to work. If God has sent you the right guy but you don't want him, then that won't work either. Remember what Paul said about being single. God isn't going to force you to be married if you'd rather be single. You didn't mention that you wanted to be in a relationship anyway. Maybe you'll want to be in a relationship later on.

If a man comes along, be tactfully honest about thinking he's a dog and having trust issues. Take things slow if you find someone you like. People that think you should be married will berate you for turning down all the dogs with the words you described. You're not in a hurry. You'll find the right one when you're ready in your own time.

You don't want to be stuck with someone you don't like just because he's trustworthy. That seems wrong to me. You'll look at this dog husband and think, "thanks God for nothing. I guess I'll get used to having him around." I mean you're wedding wouldn't be much of a happy day would it...if it felt arranged?

Meanwhile, find out why you have these issues. Imagine what a trustworthy man would act like and keep that in your mind. Thinking that all handsome men are untrustworthy is discrimination! Actions speak louder than words or looks.Good luck.

Answer 4

If you think it's become a problem by this point, and you have strong worries that you won't be able to settle down with this mental attitude, you can always talk to a counselor about something like this. You've taken one of the most difficult steps already, admitting to yourself that there is an issue you're concerned with -- talk to someone who you can confide in, be it a good friend, or a shrink. But if you think that's taking it too far, certainly don't lose all doubt in your own judgment -- once you find the right guy, I'm sure things will just click. You'll know he's the one, because you *will* feel comfortable dating him.

Answer 5

I can see fear, anxiety to face relations. You cannot avoid suffering for ever. There is when we learn and live and grow up.
God has nothing to do with this. God as a Father let their children learn walking even they fall sometimes. Human father doesnot impose you nobody. Same as God has given the freedom to choose (right or wrong)
The only way to loose fear is facing the fear thing.
Not a good decision to avoid dating. It s just that! only dating.! Don t give it such importance as a compromise. How are you going to know.... if you don t date. No matter people you don t like will come to your life. Just let them go. and turn the page to the next step.
What you feel when dating is normal to all humans. Anxiety
Failing in relations is human too . Of course it s easier and relaxing no to face things we are afraid.
Change the way you think

Answer 6

Hi Love. I understand exactly what you're going through. Have you talked to a counselor, or therapist? I am not trying to say you are crazy or anything like that but just that sometimes they have the insight to help you to better understand yourself and why you may be going through it. Relationships are very tricky. And so are men girl. I think taking a break from dating is very necessary. I am not sure how old you are, but I am 24 and right now I am in a stage of trying to decide what it is I really see for myself and what I want for my life. Centering yourself, really discovering who you are is the only way to ensure that you are COMPLETE and happy with yourself and who you are. Only then (I think) can you really have a healthy happy relationship.

Answer 7

All you have to do is use your brain. Just because you're attracted to someone doesn't mean you should go out with them.

It has nothing to do with god, and everything to do with YOU.

Think before you go after them. Ask yourself if they are a good man. Do they cheat, steal, do drugs, are they abusive. If they aren't then make a conscious effort to trust them. Don't do things like freak out when a girl calls them on the phone.

YOU need to be reasonable. Think about it.

Don't cut yourself off from relationships, because that will only make things worse, not better. Just think.

Not every guy is worth going out with.

Answer 8

God is just preparing the right man to come along and sweep you off your feet. This one will not have the drama and you will be able to be yourself. All he is doing is getting rid of the counterfeits and putting your king in order. He's sending you a Boaz and not a broke--- -well you know what I mean! Be blessed.

Answer 9

Your issue may be one of self esteem or you are a commitment phobe. Try to get to know guys as friends for a long time and then date them. It is also important to be in a relationship that is not stifling- so take your time to get serious in any relationship.

Being in a relationship should not be seen as a loss of freedom and source of anxiety. It should be a fulfilling experience.

Answer 10

who wants to continue to be sick.. when health is available.. but the sickness has first to be diagnosed , then treated and treated well.. and patient has to take medicines regularly, take precautions prescribed.. and in future be on constant watch that same sickness is avoided... This is a simple understanding every fool knows..

but how to acheive the Psychological ,emotional well being..

I feel you need some soul searching ..
what appears is tip of the iceberge.. .. Before the Titanic is rocked and starts sinking .. move away from the direction of the ice berge.. else no one will survive..

You may be Logically solving the problem. and analyzing the causes.. but the root remains alive , like thorn in your heel. your cut the tip, and you walk . again the thorn will hurt you more,, now you have can not remove it..by picking it, you have to cut your skin too..

to get in touch with self needs a great will power such that first you need to be ready to open up your wounds , with understanding that once the wounds are in light their roots wither away.. Wounds are nourished in the darkness of your Unconsciousness.. give them the light of your consciousness..

Wound may be of childhood or youth , you may have forgotten or rejected and buried in your storehouse of Unconscious mind..

You need to relieve them.. This has to be done with Psychological tools of Catharsis, Aerobics, and
spiritual tool of Meditation

You also get to read some good books on Self Esteem. which you are loosing.. to start with will be a book by Dorothy Jongeward, titled Born to Win..

No Pain No Gain..
You are the patient and you are the doctor you are the cure..
go and search You will succeed.

and do not blame yourself too much.. every one is weak and has some kind of blemishes.. but they are smart such that they hide and Laugh to show world that they are the Happiest ones

Once you are self esteemed person, you go for relationships, dating, loving

why should sick be allowed to meet the healthy , why should your unhappiness be allowed to impact your relations

So if you are in US. you have more chances to find the better help.. of Bioenergetic Practitioners. who deal in such sort of therapies,,, you need one... feeling hurt and killing the self esteem...

if you need curther clarification you may email me.. through this Yahoo. facility..


I wish you be happy and hearty child bubblig with Joy and Love, dancing with spring in your Walk..

You will be magnet of happyness.

now you are manget for sorrows, fear, hurt and all their cousins..