The first time I met people, they are always so polite and friendly, but after spending some more time together, they are so individualistic, independent, and cold! They do hang out and chit chat every other while, but it's more of a BS small talk and it's only the sake of building rapport and maintaining professional relationships. It's seems like it's so hard to build personal relationships with them!
I'm not trying to bash Americans, probably this is just a cultural shock for me, so I can use some feedback.
2007-07-19 10:42:13 · 17 answers · asked by 21questions 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It might be a good idea for you to try to meet new people outside of your work place. I feel like many others that it is best not to mix business with pleasure. It sounds to me by what you wrote that is really what you are trying to do. If, I am wrong then maybe you should just relax a little and not try so hard. Allow people to come talk to you.
2007-07-19 10:53:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know where you come from but I am sure when Americans visit your country we are not greeted with a great deal of Love. I am born and raised in USA I have never been off this continent I've been in other countries Mexico and Canada. But if you don't know people well they will only be so open with you I have a couple of close friends that I have known since I was a small child I can be very open with. But people I just meet I only do small talk I can't get to involved. A lot of people are also very busy with jobs family etc. and don't have time to talk much to strangers. You will have to spend time with people to get to know them before trust can be build up to talk about deeper subject matter. Any way welcome to America I hope the rest of your time is more enjoyable.
2007-07-19 17:57:39 · answer #2 · answered by richard s 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You mean we are ALL like that? I thought it was only those of us who live in the Pacific Northwest who seem that way! The reason is partly that in America our lives are WAY TOO BUSY ... but I can give you some 'hints' about finding some 'real friends' to have fun with, and talk to about 'intellectual things' instead of 'chit chat' ...
Join some groups ... people who meet to do different things regularly ... go to every meeting, and talk with everyone ... you'll soon have 'friends' instead of acquaintances. Join a church ... volunteer at the library ... offer to give 'talks' on something to groups ... KIDS are the best 'advertisement' you can have, if they like you, they'll want you to come back, and you can 'meet their parents' and make friends there, too. If YOU are 'friendly' then maybe it's YOU who needs to give the 'first' invitation ... meet for coffee, drinks, dessert ... if you like each other, ask if they'd like to meet again, but this time it's their turn to choose the place, time, etc. Okay, so we may 'seem cold' but in today's world we may be just 'extra cautious' ... give us a chance, and we'll become your 'real friends' and you won't feel so alone anymore.
2007-07-19 18:04:50 · answer #3 · answered by Kris L 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I experience a similar culture shock as an American living in Britain, where I am having trouble making any friendships that feel like they might continue after I return to the U.S. after two years. The standards and rituals for socializing are different from place to place.
Cross cultural friendships can be difficult, and sometimes it's because of the nature of the culture. In Japan, the language itself contains all kinds of markers for who is part of your "in group" from childhood, and who is not, and it's pretty much impossible for a foreigner to cross a certain threshold of belonging.
Neither Americans nor Brits are as welcoming of new friendships as, say, Mexicans or Latin Americans in general, so there's the question of your basis for comparison. But I do think that people from anywhere will respond positively to someone who they know a little who says, "I like you and would like to be good friends. How do people become good friends in your country?" Putting the question that way puts the focus on both of you figuring out how good friendships are created, and it also leaves them an out if, for some reason, they don't want the friendship to be any friendlier.
2007-07-19 17:53:09 · answer #4 · answered by Yankee in London 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I agree. But, it might just be the place you are working or the fact that you are from a different nationality so they naturally feel the need to remain more distant from you.
Different groups act differently. In corporate America, it's every man for himself. You can't get too close to anyone cuz of the threat that they will betray you or use you, and you can't be distracted from your work or let relationships interfere with business.
However, if you were to enter a totally different subculture, like say theatre, you might find the individuals to be much more lively, friendly, and engaging. Same thing might go for volunteer workers, a church community, or something else like that. Just a thought.
2007-07-19 17:48:24 · answer #5 · answered by Mags 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm an American and I have to say, I agree with you. I have very little use for the banter and small talk. I do it to keep certain friends I've made but I really prefer the friends I can talk with about politics, religion, law, useless trivia, something that makes my brain have to work a little.
2007-07-19 17:49:39 · answer #6 · answered by Angie C 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well it depends on the person, but I mean not all Americans are like that. If it's in a rich area, I'm sure the people arent that friendly.
I'm American and agree with what you're saying, just give some other people a chance to get to know you.
2007-07-19 17:45:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would say thats true of people who live in bigger cities.. if you go to small towns they are much friendlier.. Us city folks are usually in some kind of a hurry or are busy with careers and family and dont have a lot of time for friends until we achieve success (im still working on success)
2007-07-19 17:46:29 · answer #8 · answered by neverdugdisco 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are right. most americans are superficial. I come from Hawaii, and so much different there. Now live in las vegas. what a change. Go to Hawaii. You will like it there, except expensive to live there. Worth the price and I will be going back soon. Been here 4yrs and go back every 2-3 mos.
2007-07-19 17:48:31 · answer #9 · answered by sambgood05 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
In schol they only learn about themselves.
\that's the result.
But not all americans are like that.
I have a friend named Laura, and she's american,
but she moved here in grade 5 and she is cool!
2007-07-19 17:45:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋