I told my boyfriend a couple of months ago that him looking at porn was disrespecting me and that it wasn't right because we were in a very physical + emotional relationship. He promised me that he would stop looking and it and "doing stuff" while looking at it.... but I found out today that he looks at it when I cant be physical with him.
Is looking at porn cheating?
What should I do? I feel very disrespected and like he is only after seeing a woman's anatomy.
2007-07-19 10:32:21 · 26 answers · asked by Crashh 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Cheating? Definitely not. I don't think you should be mad at him for looking at porn. I think that you should be mad at him because he broke his promise when you asked him not to look at it. If he was only after a woman's anatomy then you and him would have broken up after not being physical for a while, so he obviously isn't completely shallow or anything. Lots of guys look at porn. Sometimes I think it's more of a boredom thing than anything else... but who knows. Hope I helped out.
2007-07-19 10:38:39 · answer #1 · answered by thewhistles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-07-25 07:47:22 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you see a naked picture of a guy that you don't know and you'll never meet, does that change your feelings about your boyfriend at all? Does it take anything away from how you feel about him? Is he any less of a man to you? Those answers are probably all the same for him.
If he's in a deep emotional relationship with you, clearly he cares about more than anatomy. If he's a younger guy, there are just feelings and urges inside of him that you can't satisfy 24/7 (which is completely okay) that he needs to deal with some other way. Using porn is a lot more respectful to you than if he went to strip clubs or--God forbid--started cheating on you. You should talk to him about all of this and see what he thinks, but if you ask me, let him do what he needs to do; it doesn't hurt you any.
2007-07-19 10:38:12 · answer #3 · answered by P V from S C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it is okay if both people agree to it. I on the other hand feel the same as you. I don't like it and I won't be with a guy who looks at it. Porn is not a necessity and if a man truly loves you, he will forgo that to be with you and feel that you are enough. If a man is really satisfied with you, he doesn't need to jack off to pictures and videos of women he doesn't even know. If he can't respect your wishes, I suggest moving on. I was with a man who looked at porn behind my back and it caused a lot of problems. If a man can't give it up when he is in a relationship it could be a sign of addiction, I know this from experience. I could really hurt you in the long run if you stay in the relationship. If he can't quit, then leave. Let him have his porn if it is so important to him. Why stay with a guy if porn is more important to him than you?
2007-07-19 10:49:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's not cheating, but it could become a destroying issue between you. Cheating isn't the only thing that breaks up relationships. Jealousy and lack of trust can too. You really need to try to see it from a mans point of view. It is natural for him to look at girls in a sexual way, without being emotionally attached to the girl in question. Men see women in two different ways, sexual, and relationship. You are the girl he has chosen to have a relationship with, that puts you above all the other women in his eyes. Porn is just an instant stimulus, but he wouldn't swap you for one of those women because he places no emotional value on them. If you can accept that you are the one he wants, and allow him his porn he will be much more happy, and so will your relationship.
2007-07-19 10:42:44 · answer #5 · answered by pamperpooch39 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Likes and dis-likes are apparent here - he likes a bit of slap and tickle - you have the same idea, though are perhaps upheld due to cycles in human nature - so he gets off on ideas of this way and that - you get off on dictating that you will be his only partner - your own displeasures arrive as he relieves himself in manners you would not expect -
You need to look into his requirements and pre-requisites. These are not easily filled if yer off line some of the time. Being there, when it is needed, needs to be understood - though if its too much, then obviously you'd be better off with someone else.
Getting him to bow to your requirements is false - it is very un-true and is unlilkely that yer relations will continue in the long run simply because yer basics are in-compatible.
Learn this feature. Then learn to live with the demands or learn to live without them and simply move on to someone else. A tv you can turn off - a person takes a little longer! From tv you can learn - with a person you can put learnings to practice - whether these take hold is entirely upto you.
2007-07-19 10:51:57 · answer #6 · answered by upyerjumper 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looking at porn is not cheating but it can be corrosive to a relationship. He should be looking at you and doing those things.
Porn is easy to come by and can be addicting. Think about looking at pictures and having an orgasm. The orgasm is the reward you get every time. Only you can convince him that being with you will be more rewarding than looking at porn.
Good Luck....
2007-07-19 10:45:06 · answer #7 · answered by Big Red 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, porn is not cheating. It is all about how you feel about yourself that makes you feel uncomfortable with porn. There was a time when I didn't like my man to watch it but now it doesn't bother me at all. I have even began watching it with him and without him. Maybe you need to ask yourself what it is that makes you feel uncomfortable or disrespected.
2007-07-19 10:46:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is cheating but kind of in the light side, at least in my opinion.
I always tell my wife "I open up my apptite in the street to go home and eat". Meaning, I can look at other women but I really want you only. As long as you do not cross the line and become personal (chatting, calling, going out or worse) with other people I think its OK.
Make sure he eats at home, but only if you are mature and old enough for that !!!
2007-07-19 10:47:41 · answer #9 · answered by corneliovaca 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife feels the same as you...but DON'T take it personally...it isn't against or a reaction to ANYTHING you did ...but here is the thing...
men are motivated in a different way than women...
women may get into the mood because of the way men SHOW them..that they love them...
a man puts his gf/wife in a romantic mood/dinner by candlelight...walk at the beach...waves down by the pier with the full moon off the water...and it doesn't HAVE to be like that all the time...if he did things around the house..dishes/ironing/ laundry taking care of kids/ clean the bathrooms..these things are to be done TO HELP HER not get so tired...NOT with the mentality that sexual favors will result...if THAT is the mindset..then it is manipulative...NOW...that is a small stereotype..but the fact is...that while women DO consider looks to be somewhat important...looks are not usually THE ONLY THING that turns on the woman (good thing too-otherwise most of us guys would be screwed)...women care MUCH more about how their man treats them...how good he is to them...he doesn't ahve to spoil them...but they won't complain if they are a bit spoiled here and there...
a man is completely based upon their visual stimulation...so what we see is what turns us on...we CAN prioritize one over the other...but more often...we're not willing to let go of one..for the other..pornography is NOT a way of substituting one FOR the other...but when a man needs that "release" that he cannot get from his woman...he may fall to temptation and get his release that way,,,women CAN also get hooked on pornography..but because "looks" are not the #1 priority for girls..then it may or may not affect them as much as it does their man.
It can be frustrating for a man when a woman is menstruating or is otherwise not available due to stress or fatigue..because we know she may even want to ...
but she is not feeling good and REALLY wants him to take care of her...if he did this...maybe he could score brownie pts instead of getting yelled at..and he would strengthen his chances of intimacy later on...it is harder for men to control that "urge" than women..but it is irresponsible to think that women DO NOT feel the same thing...THEY DO..they just suppress it and save that for another day..so men need to learn that same self discipline...it is not easy, but it IS necessary...so men find a diversion...baseball..football..golf range..find something to distract..a new CD...a movie (not romantic btw)
now here is OTHER thing...ladies...if you stall...or make excuses to NOT be intimate ..after a while...you MAY lose your battle on this one...by withdrawing sex and creating an aversion TO sex...you can lose your man FORVER..and YOU are choosing this as a consequence of your decision...sex to some extent is ALREADY on your terms...so don't manipulate or patronize your bf/hubby..that is equally disrespectful...if you withold sex or use it as leverage...that TO ME, is as DISRESPECTFUL to men as pornography is to women. We place a GREAT emphasis on SHOWING you intimately how much we love you. it is NOT just about "getting ours" or "tapping that" we leave that selfish crap to the single players and college kids..the intimate side of the relationship is JUST as important as your need to be romanced or "get into the mood".
As far as the anatomy of the female body..I'd get over that already...men have usually seen a naked female body by the time they are 10...we notice one thing in the 20-40 years that we've been alive...with few exceptions...the plumbing is ALWAYS the same...some of the parts are newer or bigger than others...but the overall package is pretty much the same...and plenty of us took anatomy and physiology in high school and college..so the surprises are pretty much gone...
just...remember...before you tell your man...why go out for hamburgers when you have steak... you should leave the meat out to thaw before hand...
that way he won't say..."yeah..but the steak has been in the freezer for weeks"....and if he is right....that won't look good for you. Instead accepting or admitting that he may even be right about that..you will create resentment and..
...it'll just give you reason to keep it there longer...
bottom line...if you continue to be active physically..NOT every night...but often...then he won't need pornography...I am NOT saying you become a sex slave...because if YOU embrace this role...YOU BOTH can enjoy it together!
2007-07-19 11:36:06 · answer #10 · answered by juanes addicion 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋