Don't want to hear any move on or look for other fish in the sea type answers, I have found the fish I want and am working hard to fix myself; excercise (lost 30 pounds already), am starting to see a counselor, and just generally looking at my life and trying to be a better person.
She still agrees to see me as friends, but I still love her and care for her deeply, and truly want to have a relationship with her. I don't know what to do, and don't want to scare her into not seeing me at all by begging her back or trying to pressure her. It has been two months since we were together.
2007-07-19 10:09:26 · 18 answers · asked by manimal2878 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
depends on how you broke up. there are issues that could have caused her never to want to get back to you. But if it was a stupid issue why you broke up, then you might have a chance. my advice is to be patient. you can't force her to like you back. you got to make her come to you. Keep up with the physical appearance, make some more money, get in touch with her family (sucking up to them), do some good civil services on your extra time, and being a friend. Maybe eventually she'll succumb, seeing that you are a good catch after all.
2007-07-19 10:16:05 · answer #1 · answered by Findout Y 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be the best you can be. Be a gentleman and that includes really listening to the lady. If you have listened to her then be cheerful to be her friend and don't make her put up boundries because you have the bigger need to hook up with her. Let it be her idea, thats your only chance, trip that up andshe'll put further restraints in place. The more you investigate other interests and develop yourself, the more she'll see you in a new light, which is what you should be going for here. That business of I just want to be friends---from an ex--- is on a test trail, believe me. For instance you should set her free socially and get busy on your own stuff. Your stuff should include getting busy on new hobbies so your intothe world more and possiby a sport, dance, volunteering community, and a church affilation.
2007-07-19 17:24:40 · answer #2 · answered by kim 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all, you need to be making these changes for yourself and not for her or anyone else for that matter. maybe she feels like you're trying to hard. if you truly are sincere about becoming a better person, for yourself, then all you can do is to let her see the changes for herself. give her space and don't smother her. the more you pester her, the further she will go. and i'm sorry, i know you don't want to hear this, but you do have to move on. besides you never know, she may be back. perhaps you guys just needed some time apart, or maybe she's just not that interested anymore. either way, you have to be happy with yourself before you can make anyone else happy. good luck!
2007-07-19 17:16:14 · answer #3 · answered by luv 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are on the right track. Don't scare her or pressure her by bombarding her with calls, emails, flowers. You need to do something out of the ordinary, something unpredictable, something she does not expect from you. Why don't you try taking away all of that attention. Dont talk to her for a week or 2. No contact at all! then give her a "friendly" call (unless she call you first!) just to check in. No matter who calls who, dont mention the breakup, dont talk about your relationship. Just act like the friend she wants you to be. It might just get her to realize that she doesn't like this friendship business and she wants more from you afterall. just be prepared to listen to her if she does want to get back together. She will want things to be different.
2007-07-19 17:26:31 · answer #4 · answered by R 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are doing all the rights things...being patient, improving yourself, etc. Now it is time to close the deal!
Be creative and make her want you. You don't have to go overboard, sometimes a flirty compliment is all it takes to get things going in the right direction.
Stay away from the "friends talk" and focus on the next step. You are going to have to reinstate the passion between you. This means you will have to revert back to Dating 101. Get her attention...make her notice the new you...and capture her heart again. It is a simple formula, but only you know what makes her tick.
Good Luck
2007-07-22 23:07:10 · answer #5 · answered by Get Your Ex Back 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is difficult for anyone of us to be without the one we love, but sometimes we have to accept that we cannot always get what we want. What was her reason for the break up? Was it because of a weight problem? You mentioned losing 30 lbs (congrats on that) and you also mentioned you are trying hard to look at your life to learn to be a better person? While it is always good for any one of us to improve ourselves due to health issues, self esteem, educational, or financial reasons, you did not mention why you needed to improve. Were you abusive to her and therefore need counselling? You left so much information out. If you are changing physically only to get her to love you I have to say, you cannot make someone love you on looks alone, it only means they never really loved you to begin with. I agree, you should not beg her to come back. I would advise to you to give her space, and it would benefit you to go out and make new friends. You do not necessarily have to move on completely, but to just stay and wait for her to call will make her look upon you with pity. You need to stand up to the plate as a man and make her see that you are worth loving, because you are. Otherwise you will only appear as a needy person that she will learn to disrespect. Best of luck to you!
2007-07-19 17:28:31 · answer #6 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If she's agreed to see you as 'friends' take her at her word. Your actions will be the best indicator for her to tell if you've really changed and not just putting on a good 'act' to get her back.
The thing that works sometimes: tell her "I disagree with you decision to break-up, but I will honor it. I'm working on myself and if you'd be willing to give our relationship another try, please let me know. Until then, it's too painful to see you and share with you as a friend."
She needs to know she's losing you. If you remain friends, there is no motivation for her to change the relationship back to a more committed one.
2007-07-19 17:13:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to shift your focus. Right now, you're wondering how to get her back. If you are improving yourself as you have stated, you will be come someone she is natually attracted to. If that doesn't happen, it wasn't meant to happen. But by that time, you'll be such a stud, you may be attracting a lot of other potential partners. Keep improving yourself. Let that be your focus. The relationship should take care of itself if it's meant to be.
2007-07-19 17:14:59 · answer #8 · answered by Arnold M 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
She may be best for you but your ex may have made a permanent decision that you aren't best for her.You better be prepared for that revelation.Meet her one on one tell her straight out how much she means to you.See if you can persuade her to reunite on a trial basis so you can show her how much you've changed.I'm assuming you screwed up big time so don't forget the flowers.
2007-07-19 17:23:25 · answer #9 · answered by NicNic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I did all those things too and my boyfriend didn't come back. You can't make a person who doesn't want to love you love you. I know you love her, but wanting her so badly is greed. But you can STILL love her! Just in a different way. Be her friend! You don't have to be someone's boyfriend to be in love with them. =) And this is from my personal experiance. â¥
2007-07-19 17:16:12 · answer #10 · answered by ♥ Cute T ♥ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋