Alcoholic that doesnt drink that much?

Question

My fiance use to drink a LOT. Almost every day, and in large quantities. Sometimes he would come close to polishing off a bottle of whiskey. There was a point that he messed up real bad, and I told him if he didnt quit drinking I would break up with him (2 years ago) He agreed, but later I found out he only quit for about a month. He said that he just couldnt stop, and that he felt horrible for doing it behind my back, but he couldnt help himself. Well, now that we have kids, he has a decent job and drinks once, MAYBE twice a week. He only gets "wasted" if he's around his friends. If its just him and I, its not that bad. However, when we are around his friends and he promises to only drink one, it always turns into more. Also, he says the thought of quitting drinking makes him sad. He says its not that he would miss getting drunk per say, but he couldnt imagine never tasting beer again. So is this alcoholism, or just someone who REALLY loves beer? What type of alcoholism would this be

If it isnt alcoholism, could it be that old habits die hard? He drank heavily for almost 6 years...so I am happy he isnt that way anymore. But if it is alcoholism, what is the first step to helping him?

Answer 1

An alcoholic puts drinking before anything, lies about it, and what not. If he has ever done that, he has a problem. If he continues down this road, he will be a full fledged alcoholic.

There are alcoholics who can function on a day to day basis. However, drinking still causes problems in their life.

How to help him? Calmly talking about it. However, he also has to want to help himself. If he gets help only because someone else wants him to, it won't work. He has to want help. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom before that happens.

Perhaps you should check out Al-Anon. Its for people affected by alcoholism, for family and friends of alcoholics.

Good luck to you and your family.

Answer 2

There's a big difference between loving beer and getting wasted. Even if it's with friends.
Loving beer or drinking I would think would involve things like trying different kinds, maybe making your own, going to beer gardens, etc, and not being hooked on it.
If he's doing things behind your back, then he's probably not proud of it and maybe he really can't stop. Maybe he really doesn't want to stop. Either way, it's not good for your relationship. Especially now since there are kids involved, he needs to do something about his habits before the kids start immitating him.
You didn't mention if he gets violent or anything, so that's a good thing. But if you're not happy, this will always be a sore spot that's bound to cause arguements.
I hope things work out for you guys!

Answer 3

If can't control his drinking, especially if knows that his relationships with you and your children are at risk, then he's an alcoholic. The first step is that he has to want to change, you can't change for him. If he can recognize that he has a problem, there are lots of ways to get help (such as AA); if he thinks its not a problem. There's not much you can do. Will he consider switching to non-alcoholic beer. Or putting a 3 beer limit on himself? That gives him a taste and a buzz, but won't get him wasted. You might also want to ask yourself why his drinking bothers you so much. Some couples counciling is always a good way to deal with reoccuring problems.

Answer 4

been there done that. Yes, he is an alchoholic. And he is playing you. The times you know about, are only part of the times he is drinking. Once an alchoholic, always one. He needs to get help, you need to get a backbone. Especially since you have kids. Alchoholics are 75% more likely to abuse children and spouses. Alchoholic parents raise alchoholic children. Alchohol and it's related problems kill more people each year than any other source. Think about him driving with your kids in the car after he has been drinking behind your back, or for that matter, in front of you. I like the way you say he "only gets wasted around his friends". What a cop out. If he gets wasted at all, he needs help, now, before someone gets hurt really bad.

Answer 5

Yeah this is definitely alcoholism. It may not be as severe as some other people but it still is alcoholism. If he can't physically quit, and like you said, the thought of quitting makes him sad, then he needs some help.

Answer 6

ONCE AN ALCOHOLIC ALWAYS AN ALCOHOLIC,YOU CAN'T HELP HIM HE NEEDS TO HELP HIMSELF,HE NEEDS TO GO TO AA MEETINGS,AND YOU NEED TO GO TO AL-ANON PROGRAMS..I'M GOING THRU THE SOMETHING AS YOU..ONLY THING MY FIANCEE WON'T ADMIT HE'S AN ALCOHOLIC,YOUR'S DOES SO THERE'S HIS FIRST STEP...GOOD LUCK!!