Know any googd Jokes?

Question

Best Joke gets 10 points!

Answer 1

I've got two really good ones.

1)
Teacher: "Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"
Little Johnny: "None."

Teacher: "Listen carefully: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"

Little Johnny: "None."

Teacher: "Can you explain that answer?"

Little Johnny: "One is shot, the others fly away. There are none left."

Teacher: "Well, that isn't the correct answer, but I like the way you think"

Little Johnny: "Teacher, can I ask a question?"

Teacher: "Sure."

Little Johnny: "There are three women at the ice cream parlor. One is licking, one is biting and one is sucking her ice cream cone. Which one is married?"

Teacher: "The one sucking the cone."

Little Johnny; "No. The one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think."
____________

2) This past fall semester, at Duke University, there were two sophomores who were taking Organic Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes, midterms, labs, etc. Going into the final exam, they ad solid "A's."
These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chem. final was on Monday), they decided to go up to University of Virginia to a party with some friends.

So they did this and had a great time. However, they ended up staying longer than they planned, and they didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found Professor Aldric after the final and explained to him why they missed it.

They told him that they went up to Virginia for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time. So they were late getting back to campus.
Aldric thought this over and agreed that they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved. So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Aldric had told them.
He placed them in separate rooms, handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, which was something simple about free radical formation and was worth 5 points. "Cool" they thought, "this is going to be easy." They did that problem and then turned the page.
They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page.
It said: (95 points) "Which tire?"

LOL...CHeeRioS

Answer 2

The Bear
A very wealthy lawyer vacationed for several weeks each year at his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Each summer, he would invite friends to come to visit him.

One summer he invited a lawyer from Czechoslovakia to visit him. The friend, eager to see how a wealthy American vacationed, gratefully agreed. They had a wonderful vacation, and spent a great deal of time exploring the woods and enjoying the natural setting.

One morning, as the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were walking through the woods, they were approached by two huge bears -- a male and a female. The lawyer noticed them in time to run for cover. His friend, however, was not so lucky. The male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.

Seeing this, the lawyer ran to his Mercedes and sped for the nearest town to get the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed a high-powered rifle and they raced back to the berry patch. Luckily, the bears were still there.

"He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing at the bear that had consumed his friend. "Quick -- shoot it. Maybe we can still save my friend!"

The sheriff looked at the bears, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and shot the female. His aim was true, and the female bear collapsed to the ground. The startled male fled into the woods.

"Why did you do that?" demanded the lawyer, "I said he was in the other bear!"

"Exactly," replied the sheriff. "Would YOU believe a lawyer who told you that the Czech was in the male?"

Answer 3

For his birthday Little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this
house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way
we can afford it.
The next day the father saw Little Patrick heading out the front
door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night
and heard you tell mum you were pulling out.
Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.
And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an $80,000
mortgage and no bike!"

Answer 4

1)Why couldn't Cinderella be a good soccer player?

She lost her shoe, she ran away from the ball, and her coach was a pumpkin.

(Requires basic knowledge of the Cinderella story and that both ball and coach have double meanings.)

Answer 5

One day little johnny, aged six, is passing his parent's bedroom one morning and hearing strange noises looks in. He saw his Mom naked, sitting astride his Dad also naked and moving up and down furiously.

"What are you doing?" He asks innocently.

"Oh." Exclaims his Mom embarrassed. "I'm just pumping your Dad up with air before I go to work,"

"Well that's a waste of time." Replies Johnny, "Because when you've gone the lady next door comes in and sucks it all out again."

Answer 6

1. A father is talking to his 18 year-old daughter's boyfriend of whom he does not approve of.
He thinks by discussing his daughter's health problems will discourage the young man.
He says to him that his daughter has acute agina (heart condition).
The young man looks at him and says she has a great pair of boobs, too.
2. What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
Courderoy

Answer 7

okay.

"Bother Bother Bother Bother Bother!"

Say it out loud with a high falsetto british voice and it'll have you laughing for a good amount of time.

Answer 8

1) Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead!
Why did the second alive monkey fall out of the tree?
A: It was tied to the dead monkey!

2)What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor?
A: Where is my tractor?

Answer 9

A horse walked into a bar, the bartender says "Why the long face?" - I know it's cheesy and stupid, but it had me laughing for days. Don't ask me why.

Answer 10

Okay:

yo momma so fat she took one step and fell sweating.