Am I over-reacting? Domestic Violence?

Question

In April, I broke up with my ex bf, long long story short ,he pulled my hair (really hard) and threw me on the cement with extreme force, I know this may not be him beating me, but its still not right...right? so my parents called the cops, since they havent heard from me, and I pressed charges for domestic violence......I have a restraining order on him, and just got the letter in the mail today for the court date for the domestic violence trial....I was wondering if anyone could give me support, and tell me if im over re-acting? is anyone has been through this? do I need to get a lawyer for this court date? im soo lost in what to do....also he was very badly messed up with drugs while he did this to me, and it was always a violent relationship

Answer 1

First he's your ex-boyfriend so F- him.

I assume that you didn't want him to pull your hair or throw you on the ground so there is the assault. You have a prior dating relationship so that makes it domestic violence.

Are you over reacting. No. Not in the least. You shouldn't have to wonder if you are over reacting because the prosecutor and the cop that took your report both believe you otherwise he wouldn't be where he is.

Irregardless of how much of a doper he is was or whatever may be the BS excuse for his violence, he is a person that doesn't play well with others. Do yourself and every other woman prince charming has contact with a favor, go to court, testify, tell the truth and don't minimize his actions.

On average it takes a woman 9 attempts to leave a violent relationship. 9 attempts. Some women never make it to 9 before they are killed.

There are so many reasons why you should testify and I can't convince you to. I could tell you that a domestic violence conviction now would prevent him from ever owning a firearm in the future making it a federal offense to even possess ammunition. I could tell you that a conviction in your case will have an impact on any future cases of domestic violence cases he has.

Don't let your emotions play into this. You need to do what's best for you and that is to testify in court against him, maintain whatever orders of protection you have against him and always report violations. The cops and courts have done what they can, you need to empower yourself and do what you can do for you.

Answer 2

GREAT JOB!

In over 30 years of law enforcement I was becoming extremely depressed responding to all those domestic violence calls then learning the victim refused to sign a warrant. The laws of my own state have finally changed where the officer need not witness the offense to make an arrest.

You are NOT over-reacting to what your ex-boyfriend did. He showed a very serious over-reaction himself but should have NEVER used any force against you.

People have got to understand that if you have a dispute....TALK it out....heck...yell at each other if you must....but keep your hands to yourself and control the temper.

It's so sad when someone loses the ability to discuss a problem and resort to violence. I believe there's too much violence in the world let alone have to deal with it in your own home!

The District Attorney is the lawyer representing you therefore...no...you do not need a lawyer!

If you have ANY questions concerning your up-coming court date...call the district attorney or their victim support office!

Best wishes and find you a guy that will treat you right!

Answer 3

If this is really your story, then of course most people would believe that U were unfairly treated. As we all know life is not fair, and it seems that good hard working men do sometimes get put upon. Since I have worked with abused women in the past I have seen all sides of abuse. If life was fair then U would have gotten a sweet wife instead of the one U got, and all the sweet women would not be attracted to all the rough guys. Haha. Seriously I do wish you some relief in life, and that your children can one day know what a hard working man their father is. Only time will tell. I wish U could have seen this coming, so U could have stood your ground and gotten a great lawyer to fight for better visitation rights, etc. There are ways that U could get back at the wife, but they would require that U lower yourself to her standards, so maybe not a good idea. Look for a better life for yourself, and I sure hope U don't do jail time -- that would be ridiculous. .

Answer 4

If you truly care about him, you should do this for him.

Either he is going to kill someone in the future or someone is going to kill him.

It sounds to me like he really needs some help. I would truly talk to a lawyer BEFORE I enter a court room for any reason. A person in your position has many opportunites for help in this area. A lot of it for free.
There are many battered womens shelters that offer counseling and I suggest that you visit one in your area. I would suggest going to or calling city hall.
You can get aprized of the services that are offered in your area. Remember, you are trying to help HIM and YOURSELF. And possibly others that may be victims of future violence by him.

I would take it very seriously and I would follow thru, that is the best advice that I can give with no other facts listed ( for instance, what happened before the incident and what had occured prior to these situations. Changes at work and home, health situations, past and present presurres that may be causing stress, etc).

The bottom line is : You and he need help. maybe this will be the first step.



Please let us know how it turns out...
Good luck

Answer 5

Definitely not an overreaction. Messed up on drugs or not, it still counts as domestic violence and you were good to get away from it. You can obtain an attorney if you wish and there should also be a domestic violence victim's advocate in court to help support you. If you call your local police department they will be happy to provide you with support numbers.

Answer 6

NEVER let someone put there hands on you in a violent way without pressing charges! No one has a right to man-handle you for any reason. We teach others how we want to be treated and if you let them get away with it once, well, you just taught them something.
You don't need a lawyer... you're not the one in trouble and you are just going to be telling the court what happened.
Keep that restraining order in force and don't back down to him. If he tries to contact or follow you, you call the police right then, don't wait for him to hurt you!!!
You take care...

Answer 7

First, congratulations on getting away from this looser.

You are not over reacting. Pulling hair and throwing someone to the ground constitutes an assault.

This is more a gut feeling than anything, but you shouldn't need a lawyer for the court date. In theory you are represented by the prosecutor.

Answer 8

No you are not over reacting. Domestic Violence only escalates. It may be pulling hair and throwing to the ground today but tomorrow it could be a punch in the face and a tumble down a flight of stairs. You did the right thing. Don't look back and don't back down.

Answer 9

This sounds like a criminal case.

This means that the district attorney has decided to pursue the charges against your ex-bf.

You're likely being called as a witness for the prosecution, and don't need a lawyer.

Don't ever accept physical violence in a relationship. Always walk away.

Answer 10

I hope you really dont' think you are over-reacting. What he did could have really hurt you. You are 110% correct in getting away and staying away. Make sure you don't let him anywhere near you again. Even if you just wants to "talk". Stay away.

I've never been through this myself, but I've known people who have been in similiar situation. As far as the legal end goes, I'm sure if you look in the phone book you should be able to find some type of support group or people that can help direct you. You've heard the saying, "safety in numbers". Thats true for your situation too. Get some help. they can help if you just want to talk or they can offer resources for you. Don't go through it alone. GOOD LUCK AND BE STRONG!!!