how to deal with a coworker?

Question

My coworker hurts my feelings everyday because she doesn't seem to like me. I'm not sure why she doesn't like me. She doesn't say hello when I walk into the room and say hello to her, she talks to everyone when they come into work, she spends time outside of work with everyone else in my department (and will invite them out right in front of me), and if I try to talk to her she gives me the shortest responses possible. It really hurts my feelings. Then, to make it worse, she expects me to listen to all of her stories and comment on them if no one else is at work...even though she basically ignores mine. I don't want to be rude to her just because she's been rude to me, but I don't know how to deal with it...?

Oh, and she also makes the worst possible assumptions about anything I say and will twist my words on me and freak out. Then I try to explain and apologize, but she will just be really mean.

No, she's actually prettier and skinnier. I'm not saying I'm fat or ugly, but she would probably be considered really hot and I'm just cute.

Answer 1

I wouldn't take it personally although I know that's not easy to do. Maybe you remind her of someone she didn't get along with in the past, but for whatever reason she behaves this way, I would not let her disrespect you. If she isn't friendly it isn't your fault. Continue to be yourself and maybe she'll come around.

Answer 2

You've had a lot of good answers, I hope that mine is a good one as well.

From my point of view, there are always going to be people that are ignorant and treat others in a harmful way....It's a problem, a big problem in the workplace.

You don't say that there is a supervisor there or if she is in the same position as you. I am going to assume that she isn't higher on the pecking list than you and I will also surmise that there is a supervisor somewhere. If the person who is supposed to be supervising sees this and does nothing then they are not a good boss.

Getting your feelings hurt is a terrible thing, but you can show her that you are a better person simply by acting like she is your best friend, laugh at her jokes even if they are about you, she won't know how to react. Turn her sentences around so that she is saying tat about herself. This will probably anger her. Work, for her, is a popularity contest, one she wants to win.
Some people are very competitive and do things to make themselves look better...why? because they are that insecure in themselves.
I will share something I learned a long time ago, People don't like, in other people, what they don't like about themselves.
Look beyond that and see it for what it really is.
Laugh and have fun, ignore her if you can, join her if you can not!
Life is too short to let jerks ruin your world.
Good Luck!
Rick

Answer 3

Unless you're REAL confident about your own job position, I don't recommend it. But I had a co-worker like that one time. (I'm a guy, he was a guy.) He whined so much that I bought a package of Midol, and the next time he started, I tossed it at him. Of course, THAT got the supervisor involved, and we had a great píssing match. I was supposedly wrong for not being 'sensitive' enough to his concerns, and I maintained that my co-worker didn't have jack to say about the way I do my job. If the supervisor had a problem with my work, then HE should have dealt with it with ME long before this. Otherwise, deal with the co-worker. The co-worker was moved to another part of the office and he learned to keep his mouth shut. In your case, if you don't feel like using the Midol bit, take consolation in that I think he's acting like a spoiled little mama's boy. TIme for him to grow some hair on his... whatever, and grow up. Don't bother with the tears either. He's too self-absorbed to ever feel like a slime, and it will only reinforce his imagination that he's superior to you. Now where are the other MEN in your office, or are they also too scared to stand up for their own convictions?

Answer 4

This person seems to be jealous of you for some reason. My advice is to say good morning and good evening.

Only speak to her if it involves your work and forget about trying to be her friend.

She is doing all this to show off.

Ignore her because she is just acting like a teenager and not a professional.

If she does not invite you with the rest of the department, just smile and tell them to have a good time and leave.

Basically she is a bully and all you have to do is not give her the time of day.

Once you stop paying attention to her, she won't her you. And if you are upset by something she said, just walk away from your desk and calm yourself down.

Answer 5

Ask her outright exactly what her problem with you is. You have a right to a pleasant working environment. Apparently she sees you as some kind of threat. If she won't tell you, ask the others. If that still gets you nowhere, continue to be the sweetest you can be and just don't let her get to you. If she assumes she knows what you're thinking and twists things around, call her on it each and every time. Good luck!

Answer 6

Just because you are working with her, you don't have to be a friend to her. Keep your relationship professional and put a gap in terms of frienship.I would try to build a relationship with the person she is closest with at work, and keep ignoring her. Ohhh she will be mad,angry, and jealous. Never step down, because she will come on to you if she feels you are weaker than her. Oh, being pretty is important but being cute and having a personality will make you number one!!!

Answer 7

Why worry?I would just treat her the way she treats me.When everyone is not around be blunt and ignore her.I would just turn around and ask her if she was talking to me or herself.Then just keep doing whatever I was doing.Rude people should not make you upset.Try trading your office space with someone further away from her.Save your good mornings for people that say it to you.The person that is in the room should give the greeting as the other person enters.

Answer 8

It really sounds to me like this co-worker is taking advantage of the fact that you are a nice person and is putting you down on purpose.
She doesn't seem like a nice person, so if I were you I wouldn't care what she thought about you. Next time you're around her and other co-workers invite them out to a gathering and purposely leave her out. Also, when she starts telling you her problems, politely tell her that you have work to do and can't afford to waste your day listening to her.
A little of her own medicine will put her in her place eventually.

Good luck.

Answer 9

Like one of the past post said, you're there to make a living, not friends. Let it go because she is not worth being your friend. I'm in a similar situation with co-worker who would never start a conversation with me and if I did, she was quick to criticize my life on purpose or knock me in a subtle way. Everything was better, faster, more expensive, smarter, etc than my story. It just got so obnoxious that I stopped starting conversations with her because I was stewing after talking with her and I had to stop being personal with her. Just leave it alone and be civil.

Answer 10

Don't take it personally. There are jerks like that in every workplace, unfortunately. Just pretend like she's not there and interact with the rest of your co-workers. If you need to interact with her for business purposes, keep it professional. You don't need to be friendly but you do need to be professional. It's her problem, not yours.

If she does things to make it a hostile work environment, you should speak to your manager or HR. Her not liking you or not talking to you, doesn't really seem hostile to me, but if she escalates it, so should you.

It's a shame people have to act like such jerks when you're all there for the same reason. Just ignore the B*tch.