He does not pay child support does not see her unless there is a family event. His family knows he does nothing for her. I don't keep her from seeing him, but I'm tired of feeling like she is a toy to him. She never wants to see him anyway. Do i think about her, and keep her away from him and his family?
2007-07-19 05:39:43 · 15 answers · asked by charleen 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
No, it is important not to deprive your child, of having time with the father. Even if the father is a sorry @$$. You don't always have to give in though. If you already have plans, he'll just have to work around your schedule.
2007-07-19 05:42:27 · answer #1 · answered by Amanda 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If your daughter is old enough to express her feelings, I think they are valid and worthy of being listened to. Forcing her into an uncomfortable situation simply to keep family members happy is terribly unfair to her and certainly will do nothing in the long run for anyone.
If not (or maybe even if so), it sounds like he needs to have visitation assigned, which will also have child support assigned. As you said, she's not a toy. And neither are you. And it's not fair to anyone for him to come and go only when it's convenient for him, without giving anything back. If he wants to be a part of her life at all, he needs to contribute as well and pay child support. And there needs to be more regularity so that she can get to know him better. You should talk to a lawyer.
2007-07-19 12:44:21 · answer #2 · answered by Rhiannon 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why is he not paying support, and what kind of arrangement do you have? Your best bet is to go to court and work out an agreement for child support and custody. If the court says he can have her on alternating holidays or whatever then that is what you do and you don't have to feel guilty about saying no if he wants her when it isn't his turn. But you do have to remember that no matter how you feel about him, this is your daughter's father. At least he wants to see her on special days. Some kids don't even get that from their dads.
2007-07-19 12:49:06 · answer #3 · answered by kat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand you 100%. My ex is currently in jail for non-payment of child support. When he gets out, it will be the same old routine.
The best that you can do is be a good parent to your child. Obey the visitation schedule, and be as positive about your child's father as you can be.Even when your child does not want to spend time with her father, encourage her to do so unless it is harmful in any way.
The worst that you could do would be to allow your child to make a decision about ending a relationship with a parent. Your child will know her father and she will make her own decisions about him. As her mom, this is the most precious gift that you can give her. She will always know that any decision she later makes as to her relationship with her father was hers and hers alone. If you do not let her have that freedom, then she may think less of you later on.
As difficult as it is to sit by and watch your ex being this way, just remember that everything you do you do for the love of your daughter.
2007-07-19 12:50:40 · answer #4 · answered by Rappel_Welch 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh heck no. Just know that your actions of today will rear later in your and/your daughter's life. She is not a toy and you are not keeping her from her father and his family but if it isn't a positive environment, keep your child to yourself, it is not a selfish measure but a preventative measure. God Bless.
2007-07-23 06:49:05 · answer #5 · answered by Bethy4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if your child feels happy in that "special" days, don't prevent your ex to take him, but if your girl doesn't approve it too, just tell everything to her father and if he loves his daughter he'll change something. Anyway, try to make the decision behalf of your child's interests.
2007-07-19 12:50:00 · answer #6 · answered by Sofie D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same situation.. I look at it this way, I will not keep my child away from his father, only for the sake of the child. I don't want my child to ever tell me that I kept him away from his father... However, I am not going to ease up on the deadbeat himself....
(And even though it is hard, I want my child to be happy, so his happiness gets put before mines... It is a good sacrifice for me to make, knowing that I am good mother)
I believe that once my son gets older, he will be able to see how his father treats him. I don't speak negative to my child about his father, becusae I don't want my son to think less of himself, seeing that he is part of his father...
2007-07-19 12:43:56 · answer #7 · answered by iamtooproud 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You child will be scarred in the long run. It don't matter if he pays child support or not, time spent w/ his kid will matter the older she gets. Let her make that decision when she is older.
2007-07-19 14:16:43 · answer #8 · answered by Robyn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should always think about her.
Whose name is on the birth certificate?
I think it's time you went to court for child support so he could support her.
2007-07-19 12:44:03 · answer #9 · answered by mrpeachycat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough situation but there really isn't anything you can do about it. You will need to let her go see her dad on those rare days anyways. If he isn't not a worthy father, you will need to let her make that descission not you.. Its their relationship and has nothing to do with you.
2007-07-19 12:43:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋