Some 20 years ago I was a very "actual" person. I was also a man that was very controling and very stern or harsh to my children. In fact I was an abusive parent, mostly vocally but also physically and mentally cruel. It took me a long time to understand my behavior was wrong, because I believed that I was not doing anything worse than was done to me as a kid. (I was completly wrong). My relationship with my kids is better after both individual and family counseling at the time. I wish I could take it all back.
Do any of you struggle with this issue? Are you seeking help?
any thoughts?
2007-07-19 05:31:41 · 18 answers · asked by ImJstBob 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am blessed by the responses I have recieved. I am also humbled at the love I feel from all of you. I don't deserve it, but none of us do, so I thank you and praise God for you all and the encouragement I have been given. I had a hard time trying to decide what to choose as best answer as all of them were to me very equal. I ask the community to help me on this one and again my prayers of grace and peace to all of you that responded, but especially to the ones that have been hurt and are still hurting lets ask God to heal them as well.
al 4 now B
2007-07-22 12:51:28 · update #1
I don't struggle with this issue, but I think it is great what you are doing now. You can never take back the past, but you can use it to change your future. Keep up the great work with your family!
2007-07-19 05:35:54 · answer #1 · answered by # 4 due in September! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am happy that you admit there was a problem. We grow up thinking well, I got spanked, but my parents got beat so I got it better than them....but you know the main thing is that you can say I am sorry for doing to you what was done to me (generation curse) to your kids and try to correct the problems of anger...that is the thing anger..it is a learned behavior. I could go into stories but I'll just say I know what you mean and what your going through/went through, the end result with prayer is that the family unit will stay a whole.Your doing/did the right thing if the counseling is working great!
2007-07-19 21:44:43 · answer #2 · answered by CJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes a lot of courage to admit your faults and that certain behaviour was wrong.
You can't change the past but with God's help He can help heal both your wounds from your past and the present wounds. I have seen this in my life.
Bear your heart out to God I have found Psalm 139 so steadfast because God has known you since you were born and knows everything about you. You cannot hide. I find this so comforting and yes having to admit to loved ones how sorry you are. Forgiveness to yourself (which I too find hard) and forgiving others I know I could not do without Jesus.
I turn to Jesus a lot more now 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light'.
Yes God does send certain people along to help but I am learning that the best person to go to is Jesus. You will find rest for your soul and the answers to your struggles.
God Bless
2007-07-22 11:42:54 · answer #3 · answered by Angel_Daisy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, how wonderful it is that you are so very honest! It is refreshing.
I do not struggle with this issue but, I know and have known some who do. Some have sought help while others just allowed the family to fall apart!
It is an issue many struggle with and may not even realize this! Good question and good topic! A star for you!
2007-07-19 13:18:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can definately relate to this, my father was abusive and also an alcoholic all through out my childhood and teens. When i was 18 my dad seeked help and he changed dramatically. He stopped drinking and he was around more. At first it was strange because it was a side of him we had never known. He asked us for forgivness and he told us that if we allowed him, he wanted to make up for lost time. I have to admit it wasnt easy at first but with time our relationship has gotten better. I can talk to him now and feel comfortable at the same tiime. I love my father dearly and I forgave him because I needed to move on with my life and let go of all the resentment i felt. When i forgave him, i felt this weight lifted off my shoulders . Its all working out, and weve never been better. I hope it all works out for you and your family. Remember your not alone, and just be patient because these things take time.
2007-07-19 14:29:20 · answer #5 · answered by We Love MinPins 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
By the Grace of God, I don't have that particular struggle in the same sense. Although there are many things I wish I could "take back," the one with which I struggle most is the fact that I agreed with my x-wife regarding her having an abortion 35 years ago. I was implicit in the taking of a life and although God can forgive me, I can't. I still pray about it almost daily as the mere thought of it has a crushing effect upon my spirit. Please tolerate me for a side note to your other respondents who may be considering abortion. Try to think how you may feel about it a few years down the road. It's a far heavier burden than that of a "perceived" unwanted child.
2007-07-19 13:30:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
I was the child of an abusive controlling father. At the age of 14 I was into drugs and drinking. I blamed my dad and my mom for not stopping him. I was 20 when my dad passed away. I never had the chance to "make up" for the lost time. I ended up marrying a man just like my dad!! It took a few years for me to realize that. We divorced and I seen a counselor and I finally forgave me dad for all of the crap that he did to me. I just wish he would have lived long enough for us to have a relationship. I commend you for your efforts!!! You can never take it back but, children are forgiving people. Good luck!
2007-07-19 13:57:07 · answer #7 · answered by kantwinnadda 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't struggle with this- both of my parents are great and I don't have kids but*
On both sides my grandfathers (and 1 grandmother) were exactly like that. They got better over the years- in fact they are great to their grandchildren!! But, thankfully my parents saw what they did not like in their own parents and made sure they did not act the same way. For example- no one in my house yells out of anger. Never. That is just almost an unwritten rule.
And** I have seen the stuff you just described go on in the homes of my aunts and uncles. I just praise God for my parents- they could have turned out like my aunts and uncles.
But, I think the main reason for the change in my parents is- my parents have completely given their lives and our home to Christ. We live to please Him, that could be the reason for the peace in our household.
2007-07-19 15:16:57 · answer #8 · answered by Lizzi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm happy for you that you know your mistakes and wrong. It takes a brave person to admit his wrongs. I hope you and your family will stay happy and strong for the upcoming years in life. Good Luck.
I am a mother of 2 and I treat my kids with care and respect. I would not let anyone hurt my kids now or ever.
2007-07-19 12:37:04 · answer #9 · answered by jj1102 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you did the right thing, most dont get any help at all, and the family suffers very much, so i take my hat off to you,, if you understand you go over board but seek help,, your doing good,wanting to change is a big long step.. and yes your kids will you love you more for this, unless you get yourself into trouble again, which aint cool.... good luck
2007-07-19 16:34:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋