I've been off and on with my boyfriend for 5 years. We've had 3 official break ups, and several breaks. When we got back together last time, I told him I was tired of playing games and it had to be real this time. Three months ago we got into an argument and he decided once again that he wanted a break. Three weeks later after a lot of fighting, we got back together again. Recently he's been talking seriously about getting married in may. We've even been ring shopping. Last night I ended up finding out that during our break, he was really interested in another girl and talked to her/hung out with her constantly during that time. Turns out the only reason he got back with me (which he has now admitted) is b/c he thought i might be pregnant and he didnt want me to face that alone. I wasn't though and he's still with me. But I'm not sure about marriage when he wanted another girl 3 mos ago. he doesnt know how much i now about this girl. should i tell him my concerns? or blow it off?
2007-07-19 05:23:14 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
How did you find out about her? Yes I would tell him your concerns and tell him that you know about her, but he did not continue to pursue her, he decided to go back with you right? I would definitely say to not go forward on any wedding plans or rings right now. Look back at your relationship and you will probably see there are some specific reasons you keep breaking up. What are these reasons? Can these things be resolved or are you going to continue to fight about them for the rest of your lives? Your relationship seems way too rocky for marriage right now, but since you have been together for awhile I would try to stick it out with dating a little longer to see if this realtionship really will work. If you can go one year without breaking up then I would start thinking about marriage. Break ups dont necessarily mean your relationship isnt going to work - I've broke up with my man twice this week alone. If you really want to be with each other you need to figure out a way to deal with situations as they come up instead of throwing in the towel and breaking up all the time - thats what I'm working on now.
2007-07-19 05:34:48 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are emotionally attached to this guy and haven't made a decision to move on, so you keep going back. Good, healthy, long lasting relationships do not go through 3 official breakups and several breaks in a 5 year period. I would bet a lot of money that a marriage between you two will suck and end in a divorce. Save both of you the time and trouble. Break it off and find a man who you are compatable with.
2007-07-19 05:30:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't ignore your concerns. The fact that you go on "breaks" after big arguements, isn't a good sign you're ready for marriage. If you really love and want to marry him - I suggest (preferably before the engagement) getting into some sort of premarital counseling that will teach you how to communicate better. I'd also suggest a long engagement (a year at least) to make sure you're making the right decision. It's not something to rush into and I think you already know that. Take your time and make sure he's the one!
2007-07-19 05:28:01 · answer #3 · answered by reandsmom77 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, everything that happens, happens for a reason. If this fellow keeps wanting to bolt, I agree with the other answer posted here in that it will not be any different if you get married. There are plenty of men out there who are more mature and would not run away from problems. Every relationship has its ups and downs but those who truely love each other do not run away, they work it out. It kind of sounds like this guy is just scared of being alone. Every time you take him back, he knows he can always rely on you to do so. Tell him to hit the road and find a yourself a better man who is a little more mature.
2007-07-19 05:30:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
go get some pre marital counseling it will help you both sort your feelings. If your last split was only 3 weeks he probably wasn't that into the girl that is not a lot of time to get to know someone. Maybe the thought of having a baby with you is why he came back, it may have put the thought of a family with you in his mind.
2007-07-19 05:31:27 · answer #5 · answered by bubbles 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're done.
He's a user, and wants it all his way on his terms. you set your terms last time, now stick by them.
It's all a game to him, for his advantage.
All these breakups? you must love drama.
After one breakup, i might go back once. that's it. 3 or more? no no no no NO! 5 years? you have wasted those years.
On your last break, he chased someone else that's a clue, it's all a clue.
Grow through this, and read the clues, then take action.
You never know the day of your death, and time runs out it is the only thing limited, your time left. money can be made, but time spent is GONE.
Luck to you.
2007-07-19 05:30:36 · answer #6 · answered by A Military Veteran 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the first thing i thought of when reading this was i bet he was with another girl in those three months.. but talking about marriage at a time like that; when, whenever you get in an arguement you end up breaking it off, what if that happens during your marriage. when arguing is he going to say oh i want a divorce... of course its not up to anyone but you but think about what he's going to do during arguements in a marriage, or ever is he going to cheat on you with another girl to releave stress....? but whatever you do don't blow it off.
2007-07-19 05:29:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him ur concerns, personally, i would completelybreak it off, if u can't trust someone 2 be faithful for 2 ot 3 weeks, & u can't have them want 2 marry u w/o u being pregnant, then i would completely break it off.
2007-07-19 05:28:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow!! umm i say no do not marry him...he admitted why he got back with you, and that is a dumb excuse. he is only maybe with you so that he knows he has someone to fall back on and has control. sounds mean, but sorry it's the truth. i would say dump him, it may be hard, and go find a great guy you know won't do that to you. he sounds not like the best guy anyways, he isn't with you for serious, and if you got married he might cheat on you, and it won't be easy to get out of once your in it. good luck
2007-07-19 05:27:49 · answer #9 · answered by lilsteiny06 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you cannot talk about the break, why are you marrying him? Why marry a guy you can't be total honest with and can't be totally honest with you. This is what I mean by you girls who marry men you hardly know and then come on here and complain when your happy little life isn't working out right.
Leave this guy in the dust.
2007-07-19 05:27:06 · answer #10 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋