Homesick but not lonely. How to cope without burdening others?

Question

I live in Boston with my wonderful boyfriend. But I'm from the South and I miss it so much. The people, the places, the way things are done, etc.

I get especially homesick because I have a bad habit of trying to make everyone happy and then I end up unhappy. For instance, we're going camping tomorrow, but even FURTHER north, and the people we're going with do everything so differently from how I grew up. So I've been trying to act happy and excited but now I'm dreading it. I didn't grow up eating fried rice or drinking alcohol on camping trips and now I'm really missing how I grew up.

This isn't the only thing that makes me homesick. I miss the food, the friendly attitude, everything.

I adore my boyfriend and don't want him to think i'm unhappy here- I'm not unhappy, just homesick. I also don't want to bring him down with me. He'd do anything in his power to make me happy but we can't move because his very specialized job is only in this area. What can I do to cope on my own?

Thanks to everyone who has responded so far. I've been up here for about two years. I moved up here to be with another guy who I didn't stay with long. As soon as I moved in with him it was AWFUL and just got worse. Then I was single till eight months ago when I met this guy who is so incredible. He's smart, kind, thoughtful, patient and has no issues, no drama, just goodness.

I was kinda depressed for the first year I lived here cause of the first guy. I had just gotten past that when I met my current boyfriend by total chance and we hit it off. I almost wonder if everything else is so wonderful with him that I'm getting spoiled? And now I'm just homesick cause I want everything my way? I don't think so but I don't know.

We spend a lot of time with his family (big) and friends and maybe I just am jealous. I don't know.

I have told him about my concerns with the camping trip and like Alice said, he wants to "fix" it. That was good advice, I'll have to explain it how you said.

Answer 1

You don't say how long you have been away from home. I think everyone has experienced some homesick at some point in their lives. I know from personal experience that I have and I have moved many times to many different geographical locations around the world. One of the things that I found is that after a year at one place, if I returned to the place that I missed, I found that I couldn't wait to get back to my new home. Give yourself at least a year and then go back for a visit. You may find that some of your new experiences far outweigh those that you left behind. best wishes

Answer 2

I think I know exactly how you feel. I too, am from the south where most of my entire family waslocated. Many years ago, I moved to the west, primarily because, after a very long search, I could not find a decent paying job, in my field, in my hometown.

Before I knew it, the years would fly by. I kept putting off returning home. I used every excuse I could come up with. I was either too busy or needed the money I would use to travel for something else. By this time, more time had passed. I missed my sister's children growing up. I missed Christmas, Thanksgiving, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Fourth of July, Easter and all the other holidays with my family.

Then one day, I received a telephone call that my father had experienced a severe heart attack. I finally returned home for my Dad's funeral. Too late. More years passed. One day, I received another telephone call advising my Mother was having health issues and could no longer stay alone. I sold my house I had just completed and returned to take care of my Mother. I had her for two glorious years. She passed away recently and now I have little family left. I guess what I am trying to say is this. You cannot recreate time. Some things are more important than others. You must decide now what is MOST important to you and THEN do what your heart tells you to do. If you don't you will have regrets. You will first blame yourself and then your boyfriend for your unhappiness. YOUR happiness IS what is important. Don't wait until there is no one home to return to. The final choice is yours. Happiness is where you find it but home is where the heart is. I wish you the best.

Answer 3

Don't try to overcome the homesickness all alone. Let your boyfriend help! Tell him your concerns and feelings.

Men often think that when women tell them problems they want them (the men) to "fix" it. You've got to convince him that you only want to share your feelings. You don't expect him to fix things- it isn't his job. But it is his job to know how you are feeling and what your concerns are. He just needs to listen.

It takes some guys a while to really believe this is all you need. But, really, it is. It's important to share your sadness with your boyfriend. It's important for your future together that you start with good communication at the very beginning.

And about the food and alcohol at the camping...are you concerned that alcohol is overused in these get togethers? Are people getting drunk and that makes you uncomfortable? You've got to share this with your boyfriend!

I moved down south once, and it's a big difference in culture. I felt like everyone had some script to follow that I didn't get. It got better. Good luck!

Answer 4

Hi.....

first thing you need to do is take care of YOU... others are responsible for their happiness.... you are only responsible for yours...

you don't have to drink while camping, if it's not for you. i hope you will be able to find other things to enjoy about it, while you are away, however. nature is a wonderful thing.

if you do a search on Yahoo for HOMESICKNESS or COPING WITH HOMESICKNESS you will find a lot of resources for suggestions.

i know what it's like to feel that way, hon....

meanwhile, it would be nice if you could plan a few trips "home" during the course of each year.... and keep in touch with friends and relatives too.

you didn't say how long you've lived in Boston (i love that city)... but perhaps you need to take more time to adjust, make friends and settle in?

i hope things work out. you sound like a very sweet person!

Answer 5

I too am a girl of the south (Louisiana). It is a wonderful place to be. Home is always where your heart will be no matter how happy you are with your man. I know you want to deal with this on your own but it might be best for your own well being to talk to your boyfriend about your feelings and discomforts. I too am the world's biggest people pleaser so I understand the need you feel to keep it to yourself. But the more you keep things in and live there with a phony smile on your face; it will only get worse. Be true to yourself! If you definitely feel like you absolutely cannot talk to ANYONE about what you are feeling... WRITE WRITE and WRITE some more. Tear it up after if you need to. Just get it off of your chest!

Answer 6

Been there and done that - moving from New York to AZ. It takes time and you just need to focus on the fact that it will eventually pass. You'll always miss your family, your old life...but it gets easier. Perhaps this is a good learning experience - you can learn some new things and possibly impart your way of doing things to the new people you're hanging out with. My friends here are so varied from different backgrounds (one's a farm girl, one has never left the state, etc.) I learned things from them and they learned things from me and we have a nice time together - they have become my family away from home. Keep in contact with your family and friends as often as you like. Just because you're in a new environment doesn't mean you have to lose who you are. Good luck!