First Deployment!!! HELP!?

Question

Ok guys and gals.. My husband is being deployed for 15months.. I need suggestions for coping! Do not say FRG or drinking and I have already decided not to watch the news...

I am employed...
I have an MBA..
I'm not anywhere near the base so even though I call FRG they have been every unhelpful and I am tired of calling them

Answer 1

Deployment is never easy but you will survive it. Keep busy at work and not watching the news is a great idea. Maybe try volunteering somewhere while he is gone. I found that really kept me focused on someone else and occupied a lot of time. Set up time to meet with friends/family regularly. Also, send lots or care packages, letters/cards and e-mails to let him know how much you are thinking about him and waiting for him to come home to you. E-mail me if you need anything.

Answer 2

Anyone who tells you that the USMC is some sort of shock-troop unit and the Army is used for occupying is obviously a civilian with no concept of how the military operates. If that were the case...why are the Marines still deploying to Afghanistan a full decade after the invasion? It's definitely an occupation at this point. The simple truth is that this is how the different branches senior leaderships wanted it. The US Army opted for longer deployments to have a little extra time at home between deployments. The longer time in a combat zone means that they get more familiar with their area of operations, the people the terrain, etc.

Answer 3

1. Build a good support network both military and non military.
2. Stay in contact with your military unit, point of contact.
3. Join a wives group? Sometimes it's great to vent to women who understand where you are coming from, also helps that you can speak confidentially.
4. DECIDE to enjoy your time apart. Do something you wouldn't normally do-start a new hobby, do a new education programme, learn a new sport or better still, upskill!
5. Take advantage of the time you have apart - even though you will be sad, accept the fact that life won't be the same for you for 15 odd months and make the most of it!
6. Understand that he will have issues of his own while he's away from you and also understand that sometimes telling him everything that goes wrong is not going to be helpful. Whilst honesty is a good policy; venting to him - who cannot change things from where he is - may put more pressure on him than you realise. Be fair; you'll miss him but at least you are in the safety and familiarity of your own home and country with people who love you.
7. Prayer never hurt anyone.

Answer 4

i was in your same position. i went through a deployment with my fiance and i stayed with my parents while he was away. i was not near an army base and i wasnt able to take advantage of FRG cause we are not maried. it is hard and im not going to lie to you. there are many sleepless nights and many nights you cry. however it will be ok and he will come home to you. the days will pass. the most important thing to do is to keep busy. i used to send him letters and packages all the time. it made me feel good to be able to do things for him. it is important that u write at least one letter a week so that everytime it is mail call he gets something. there is nothing worse than to see all the guys get stuff from home and u get nothing. send tons of pics!! also i sent my fiance a bear from build a bear and i put a little voice recorder in it so he could push it and hear my voice whenever he wanted. also communications have been set up and are pretty good for the most part. they have access to computers and phones mostly whenever they want. i talked to my fiance everyday on the phone and he had a laptop and we talked all the time and we even had webcams so i got to see him.there are blackouts where no communication is allowed so he might not talk or write to u for a few days. most important dont panic if he doesnt call, missions are rough and they never know what will happen. there were many times my fiance would tell me he would be back from a mission at a certain time and he would be back alot later.i have tons of experience in this so feel free to email me if u need to talk.

Answer 5

Set up regular way of communication, via e-mail snail mail etc.
It will give both a routine.
Try some outside support groups or if you are near other spouses support one another. Yes the frg can be a little political depending on your base or non existent if you are a guard family.
Try to find someone who's gone through it already that you can trust as it will be nice to hear that someone else knows exactly what you are feeling, and sometimes why.
Remember communication and routine can be your friend.
start a countdown calendar and start plans now.
Good luck to both of you. and remember the hardest job in the military is the spouse

Answer 6

Well, the easy answer is the Family Readiness Group but it's really hard to stay active with them when you're far away. I'd still try to keep in touch with the FRG or your ombudsman especially if you are planning to attend any homecoming activities. If you stay in touch at least you'll know what's happening.

Support is really important. You need to build a support system for yourself. If you're close to family they're a good start. Friends you make through school or work or church or professional groups are great, too. But you want to find people who you can do things will AND people who aren't afraid to step in and lend a hand when you need it.

Civilian friends and family are great but they don't always understand some aspects of military life. You might want to look online for military spouse support groups. I started a Yahoo Group for our FRG and I know several other Navy subs that maintain them. If your DH's unit has one that would be one way to get military support and stay in touch with the command support group. But Yahoo and MySpace both have multiple groups that aren't FRG related. You may even be able to find some that have spouses in your area for real life support too.

You can also check for support groups anywhere you already network. (iVillage used to have a pretty active military families community.)

Some other online groups maintain forums for all military members and families. A few of the bigger ones are http://www.sgtmoms.com/home.asp, http://www.cinchouse.com/, and http://www.military.com/Community/Home/1,14700,GENERAL,00.html.

The other half of staying sane through deployment, at least for me, is staying busy. I usually start larger cross stitch or sewing projects then. Or redecorate and rearrange the house. Or take classes, volunteer, sit for friends... Whatever it takes to stay busy because then the time passes more quickly.

Answer 7

if you choose not to get involved with the frg then try maybe working more or part time or finding a hobby or something you like to do that takes time. best thing to do during deployments is to keep yourself busy not watching the news helps and being around family or friends also helps but if another state with little people who you are close with i would suggest you find something to occupy yourself or go for a walk or whatever you enjoy. good luck i know it seems like forever but at the end you'll see that it wasn't that bad.

Answer 8

Hey,

I was deployed to Iraq a couple of years ago. My wife made goals for herself and my son who was only a couple of months old. Try making goals and achieving them.

For example,

Working out, join a gym and see if you can lose weight or even if you dont need to see if you can get in better shape, run faster or whatever. She would also do things around the house she would set goals for when she wanted to have certaing projects around the house done .
But what is most important is you have to have some people around you that are going through the same thing. You wont be able to explain to most of your friends what your going through because most of them wont understand . I would suggest you do get involved in different groups that maybe just meet once a week or maybe theyre in a more social envrionment but you have to stay positive and busy. I hope this helps a little.

Answer 9

The one thing that I have found the most helpful is my "military family" I found a MSN group for the base where my hubby is stationed and I LOVE it. any good military friend will take the time to talk to you when you need them, make you a good strong cup of coffee on the bad days where you didnt sleep the night before and just let you vent!

Other than that... have 2 notebooks, one to write letters and one to really just let loose and vent all the crap you need to get out, avoid the people that make you feel even worse, and keep busy!

good idea on not watching the news, you'll just make yourself crazy!

I know what you are going through sucks and I can't make it better but i can tell you i know where you are coming from in your worries. Mine is gone now, and will be returning soonish, but its been a long haul and its been stressful and hard, but we military wives are a tough bunch, im sure you will get through alright too!
Best of Luck

Answer 10

Have him call you every chance he gets. Continue to be perfectly honest with him about everything and ask that he does the same for you. FRG really is a good program. Be socially active. Praying never hurt, either.