Wicca mom raising catholic daughter..?

Question

get your attention? mine too.. i have my own beliefs about religion and the world. and always want my children to learn and understand every religion before they decide for themselves. But my husband and his family are catholic, i mean ITALIAN CATHOLIC> it was very important the baby be babtised. which i was ok with.. i made a promise to raise her with this religion, although she will learn my beliefs too. MY question is this, does she have to go to confirmation, or other classes, or other church related things?? i am just not sure where to start,

maybe i should clarify the question. im wiccan, my husband and his family are Sicilian and catholic , if anyone knows an Italian Nonna [grandma]they might understand. my husband does not attend church, aside from holidays. His family knew of my beliefs and has accepted me the way i am.. WE did discuss the babtism as a family, and i did this mostly for his family out of respect for their faith. In doing so i made a promise to my baby daughter to teach her something i am unfamiliar with. the question is where to start. his family is in ITALY. so not available for daily guidence on this subject.

Answer 1

Wow! Good for you and your husband to agree to teach your daughter both faiths - if she can understand that people can still be "good" and believe different things, she'll go far. You aren't the first mixed faith couple to raise a child, and I've seen a lot of sucess.

Given that they are Italian Catholic, my guess is that the family will insist on her being baptized (usually as an infant), confirmed (age varies, often between 8th & 10th grade), and receiving her first communion (usually around 2nd grade).

The biggest misconception in these sacraments is that Confirmation is somehow the person choosing Catholicism for themselves. That is NOT at all what the sacrament is about; it is about receiving the gift of the Holy Spirit, which I often say is the spirit of good in our world that transcends religion. All this to say, even if she receives all her sacraments, she can choose not to be a practicing Catholic as an adult.

As someone who has worked with kids in the RCC, I do recommend that she go to Sunday school (or CCD or whatever they call it) just so she has a place to ask questions. For some of the sacraments, attendance will be required. If there is any parent participation, I encourage you to do so; that way you know what they are teaching her.

EDIT - I just read your additional information. Your husband's church should have a person who is "Director of Religious Education" or "Catechetical Coordinator" or "Family/Children's Formation Minister" or something like that. Once your daughter gets to be in about 1st grade, make an appointment with that person (and with your husband) and see if s/he can offer you some guidance. It might not be as hard as you think, and you'd be surprised how many Catholic parents suddenly have no idea where to start once they have kids.

Answer 2

You don't mention how old your daughter is. Some of this will not become a concern for a long time yet, as she has to be old enough to understand sacraments before accepting them. There are seven sacraments in the Catholic church. Baptism is the first. The order usually followed for the average Catholic child is baptism, first communion, first reconciliation, and confirmation. Again, this is a generalization, but confirmation doesn't usually happen until a child is 12 or 13. Confirmation is a renewal of baptismal vows by the child (or adult) him/herself. Therefore it should be 100% the child's choice; otherwise, she is simply mouthing agreements to beliefs she does not hold, and I don't think anyone -- Catholic or otherwise -- will want that.

Because you have agreed to raise your daughter Catholic, it's to your benefit to expose her to the church. However, I do have one further question: you say your husband rarely attends church, but he is the one who is Catholic. Why is so much of the religious instruction falling on you? I would encourage your husband to take an active roll in this part of your life. Then you get the added bonus of, when/ if pressured by his family, being able to say "It's YOUR son who isn't taking her to church!"

Good luck!

Answer 3

Your daughter should have a god-mother, and that person can take the responsibility for teaching your daughter Catholicism. Yes, if you are raising her as a Catholic, then she should be confirmed and get first communion and go to catechism, and all of that stuff. Someone in your husband's family should be able to tell you what steps to take. As she gets older, be sure to teach her about all of the other religions in the world, and let her know that while she is being brought up as a member of her father's religion, she can make her own decision about religion when she is of an age to do so.

Answer 4

I was not for certain what confirmation was so I searched and found:
Confirmation is a Catholic sacrament of mature Christian commitment and a deepening of baptismal gifts. Like Baptism and Eucharist, it is a Sacrament of Initiation for Catholics and a Sacrament of faith in God's fidelity to us.

Sounds to me just like the Wiccan Rite of Passage ceremony.

As a Wiccan I believe that any child being brought up in a world of many religions and a mixed household should be allowed to choose what religious path they wish to follow. When they are at a minimum of 18 years of age. Not 13 (or first menstrual period) and not 16, they are still to young to understand the world. Espicailly since your husband is Catholic.

She should be sat down and explained what the difference each path chosen, and understand that which ever path she chooses you or your husband will stand behind her and not judge her or play favoritism because she chose your beliefs over your husbands or vice versa.

If you let her decide she will be much more proud of her beliefs and to know that you allowed her to be responsible and an adult to make a decision in her life that is important.

This is a big decision that is faced by families that can lead to arguments and even heard of divorces over it. You should discuss this with your husband as well.

Hope that helps, as their is no right or wrong answer to this question. It is truly up to how you and your husband determine to raise your children But dont force them to choose, let them make a decision when they are feel they are mature enough to handle the decision.

Answer 5

A Catholic upbringing normally involves:

- Church on Sundays (husband can attend to this, since it is his religion)
- Reception of the sacraments when old enough, and...
- yes, confirmation at the appropriate age.

Kids who do confirmation often do have to attend a few classes, particularly if they are not enrolled in a Catholic school.

This site may help, although obviously written from a highly Catholic perspective. Since your husband is the one who is Catholic, he should really be taking the lead on this, rather than making you the custodian of a spirituality you don't share. That's an awful lot to leave on your shoulders!

http://raisingcatholickids.com/

Remember - he made this promise too!

Answer 6

The context of this question seems unbelievable - how can you have anything in common practicing Wicca & marriage with a man that practices a religion that is 110% at odds with everything Wiccan ?

Aside from the fact that you made apromise. To answer your question - your promise to allow your daughter to be raised catholic means the full meal deal - baptism, communion, and confirmation. That is what it means to be a catholic - those are milestones of spiritual growth and more importantly they are sacramental - they recieve special blessing from God - such as the fortitude to resist temptations of other religions - such as Wicca.

Answer 7

Tell her that. And if they decide that they will continue to interfere, you can let them know that they can visit when they are ready to respect your religion. Not until then. I would give this advice to anyone. If you are raising your children in the faith you think is correct and a family member keeps interfering, then they don't need to visit anymore. They are interfering with the spiritual growth of your children. It's tough, but needs to be done. Ask them if they would prefer you to start attacking their faith and telling your children they are going to hell or something like that. Because that is basically what they are telling you. I doubt they would like that. If your mom tells your kids to ignore you again, tell them to leave. Immediately. Maybe they will get the idea and stop. Edit: I love the people who seem to think that they should join in the attack on your faith and talk about how the catholic church is wrong. Particularly when they show they don't understand the Catholic church. Don't you love it when you are attacked for things you don't actually believe?

Answer 8

As I understand it you might want to look to her godparent(s) for information on this. According to church law a godparent should be fully initiated (in the church, having received confirmation and eucharist) and someone who "leads a life in harmony with the church". When agreeing to be a godparent they are commiting themselves to teaching the child about the catholic faith.
Personally, I think that if you want her to have a broad view of religion so she can make her own choice, it would be a good idea to do your own research and teach her *about* the catholic church and other belief systems without involving her in the indoctrination that usually takes place with religious education from those involved in the churches themselves.

Answer 9

You made the promise.

I guess it depends on how much value you place on your word.

If she is going to learn your ways, why are you considering not teaching her also his ways? Did you change your mind, you say you want her to "understand every Religion" and then you ask if she has to go through confirmation and other classes and Church related things?

How else is she going to "Understand every Religion" without going to these classes? Or are you looking for a way to justify breaking your promise?

Seems hypocritical to me, but I am not to judge.

Why don't you go together, so you will know what she is learning? Even though you are not Catholic, you as her mother would be most welcome in attending with her, they are always needing extra help.

Peace be with you.

Answer 10

I almost always feel that it's better to let the child get old enough to be able to make their own decision about which religion they feel may be right for them. Teach her about both of the religions, as well as others (and even the option that you don't have to believe in anything). A lot of disdain is caused by being forced into a religion at a young age and realizing it wasn't right for the person later on.