My ex just emailed me after 20 years - what should I do?

Question

I was ditched in a pretty horrible way by a guy over 20 years ago. I've never heard from him since.

I'm now very happily married with 4 kids.

Now this guy has emailed me. No idea where he got my address. I think he must have cyberstalked me.

Men - can you tell me what you think he is up to?

Women - do you think I should email him back?

Answer 1

It is NOT hard to find someone's email address (or even home address and phone number!) on the internet. He probably didn't have to put in a lot of effort to find yours.

The response to this really depends on what he wrote. Did he write to apologize - some people do make efforts to reach out and right the wrongs they've done. If it seems that is the case, then I wouldn't deny him that possibility.

IF you respond, I would make it very clear that you are not interested in any kind of correspondance or relationship with him, and basically say a final goodbye. Then I'd block him.

...If the situation was really horrible, and the email seems generic crap... then just delete it and block him. Or, save it (in case he sends more and starts to harass you somehow) and block him.

It may also be, though I'm not a guy and can only guess, that he's just looking for some kind of validation, some kind of attention from you.

Whichever way you end up handling this, I wish you the best.

Answer 2

Having got back together with an old flame after 20 years I would say "don't bother". My revisited relationship lasted a year and although i don't regret it I wish I had never got in touch with him in the first place. Don't email him as it will show that you are curious and if you are happily married then you are not curious.
Direct his mail to the spam bin.

Answer 3

I just sent my ex bf from high school an email via classmates.com, but I specifically but in it that I didn't want to interfere in his life, just let him know that I was interested in hearing from him. We live half the US apart so it's not like I'm gonna jump in my car to hunt him down.
Read the email, be cautious, but don't read too much into what could be just an innocent letter to say "hello". I assume you were probably teenagers when this happened. And people change a lot over the years. Maybe he grew up, and wants to apologize for hurting you.
You could just send an email back that you're not interested in hearing from him again. Then block him.
It's really you're decision to make. Good Luck

Answer 4

Nothing wrong with being friends. 20 years is a long time to hold a grudge. He may have found your address from another mutual friend or one of those classmate sites. He may just be trying to say hello. If he pushes too far after you tell him you are happily married, then block him. He has your email address, not your home address, I don't think there is much danger in that. Just don't hide it from your husband. It would be harder to explain later.

Answer 5

Want to know how to get your ex back? Change yourself. Don't worry about changing other people, worry about changing yourself. Go to https://tr.im/eFVPG

Once you do that then you can start to worry about getting back together with your ex, other wise you will find that you are fighting about all the same things and getting no where. Do what it takes and I promise things will work out in your favor.

The funny thing is I came to the realization that I had to change a little too late. After I was kicked out and after I was about to lose the only things that truly mattered to me - her love. A funny thing happens when we truly love someone and lose them. We do what ever it takes to get them back. For me I had to drop bad habits that had caused not only our relationship to sour but practically every other relationship I had had in the past. Not only with women, but with friends, co-workers, family, you name it.

Which is why I say to you as my ex at the time said to me, the only thing you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and improve on the person that you already are. Drop the negative things in your life that don't belong there and you will see all of your relationships start to take off to new heights.

Answer 6

Maybe his conscience makes him want to justify his treatment of you with an explanation! I;e went to prison had to marry, it may make you feel a lot better if the reason is stated, assuming he doesn't know where you live, and you could always change your email address afterwards.

Answer 7

he is thinking he wants to see what is going on with u maybe capture a long gone period of his life. if u want to find out urself email him back. just for old time sakes. u are married and with kids i dont think u should do much more nore even meet him but email is harmless
as far as him getting ur email its flatering in its own creepy way. he must have gone through trouble to email u. I think u must decide how u feel is he even worth ur time to ponder the question.

Answer 8

Run Away very fast and very far !
If he was happy he would not be emailing you !
I would ignore him
OR
get your own back for the way he ditched you, relish in telling him how happy you are and how you are so surprised to hear from him, as he hasn't crossed your mind for 20+ years !

Answer 9

if he ditched you all those years ago in a horrible way then i would just forget him, he is probably at a loose end now and will be thinking your an easy target or genuinly wants to get in touch for a natter about the past..its your decision but im voting that he wont have changed.

Answer 10

yes email him back and tell him to go back to the dumpster he crawled out of. he had his chance 20 years ago. is he a big enough idiot to think you would still be sitting there waiting for him. let him know "i have a great husband and a beautiful family and thank you for ditching me or i probably would have ended up miserable like you trying to reach me 20 yrs later!"