How do I pray to God so He can reconcile my marriage?

Question

I have been married for 6 years and we have a child together. My husband went to Iraq last August, everything was going well. He kept telling me that he loved me and missed me and couldn't wait to get home, I too did the same.. and, out of no-where in the middle of June he tells me that he has been very unhappy for years, that the love for me has been dying and that he thinks it is best that we separate/divorce. I love this man...I have been praying daily for God to enter his heart so we can work things out. Maybe I am not praying right. Can you please help?

Answer 1

Pray whatever comes to mind.

But also look into a program called Retrouvaille. It's not counselling, it's a system of rediscovery that helps couples restore what brought them together in the first place. It's self-directed, so no airing your dirty laundry in public or anything like that. It founded on Christian principles, and it's saved MANY marriages.

Also, your husband may need post-war counseling. It's super tough for those guys to return to "normal lives" after what they have been through.

Answer 2

A prayer is a prayer; there is no right or wrong way of praying. The point of praying is that you devote yourself to the communication with and bringing your worries and message across to God in that period of time.

Being away in Iraq is a hard thing, especially when the situation is so worrying in such a place where there has recently been a political change. Maybe some things have changed his views of the world while he's there. Being a soldier isn't easy. What you should do is somehow sit down with and talk to your husband about what's going on. Why does he feel this way?

Whenever problems occur, the best way to solve it is to understand the root of what started the whole thing. Once you find the root, you work towards repairing what has been damaged.

Good luck with your marriage.

Answer 3

This is going to sound harsh, and for that I am very sorry. But you need to stop thinking about yourself and your marriage right now and think about him and what he is going through.

Having been in the military and was in Panama, I can tell you he is probably very depressed and disconnected from the world. It is very lonely, depressing work being in another country the way he is, surrounded by poverty, war, starvation, hate, racism and carnage. It is hard to hold onto ANYTHING, much less a relationship that is under a great deal of stress for the last year. He probable even feels like a failure of a husband because he is not there to be with you, support you and take care of you. Don't let him feel that way.
I would simply tell him that you two will talk about it when he returns. And when he DOES return, give him space and give him the time to readjust to a normal life. Then talk about it.

Answer 4

First, I am incredibly sorry to hear that you are going through this. My heart goes out to you. I will be praying for the three of you (you, your husband and your child) that He will work in a mighty way to restore this relationship.

In this situation, I will tell you that it's not because you're "praying wrong" that God appears to be doing nothing in this situation. Things happen. Bad and good. God allows some things to happen in order to test our strength and our faith. It's kind of like that saying that people are like tea bags, you don't see how strong they really are until they're put into hot water. I know this sounds like a "pet-answer", but it really does hold so much truth. So though we may endure hard times, this does NOT mean that God has abandoned us or does not hear us. He wants us to draw strength for each day from HIM. So while you're going through this, don't only pray for your husband's heart to be changed, but also for God to give you the strength, patience, endurance and faith to trust Him. God tells us that if we take things into our own hands and worry about our issues that it benefits us nothing. There's nothing we can positively attribute to a situation by worrying. That's why he wants us to pray, tell Him, "Lord. It's in your hands. I can do nothing outside of your power." He's been in the business of handling problems for quite some time now. ;0)

But I guess all that to say that it's not because you're not praying right that God seems like he hasn't interviened. When you talk to God, it doesn't need to be fancy and flowery. Talk to him just like He's there in the room with you... because, guess what.... He is. He understands you. But remember, sometimes He has a larger plan that we can not see with our limited vision of this world. I've heard that one of the most profound prayers was this: "Lord. Help me." That's it. He knows what you need. He knows that you're hurting. Just ask Him for help. He's there listening.

Again, I am sorry to hear about your circumstance. I wish you all the best, and I will be praying for you and your family. Keep faith. And remember that God's plan for us is often times bigger than we can presenty see.

Answer 5

I want to ask this first because being in Iraq can cause some mental and emotional problems. I think your husband needs to go to the VA and get some counseling for himself, if he is willing. Being separated from someone for a while like this will cause people's marriages to go bad, sometimes.
You can call your priest, or pastor, if you have one, and find out and ask him to pray for you. I think that he is ending things too soon and needs more time to realize that he just might be having a hard time dealing with the fact that being in Iraq has caused him some issues. He needs to work them out.

Answer 6

This is a tough one.

I will offer only the following suggestion. The service may be able to help. You might try to visit a Chaplain in your husband’s or any service at a nearby base.

He/she will probably advise you to maintain until your husband returns from a combat zone; keep the family functioning and forgo the urge to react immediately.

Chaplains are trained to help families work through such crises.
This will be stressful for both of you but you can work through this and the best solution will derive from your combined efforts.

Good luck, stay tough, be a Mom (they are generally superior individuals).

Jim D

Answer 7

I'm trying to figure out how to email you I've been through s.thing so similar, my husband also in the military. Anyways there is no wrong way to pray there's an old hymn "just tell it to Jesus" remember that God is ur rock and to put your trust in him he is stronger then anything in this world. I promise that i will also pray for you and your husband. Pray fervently and show ur husband love and kindness no matter what he does even though its so hard.

Answer 8

God cannot reconcile your marriage. He can only give you the strength and will to work through this yourself. Sometimes the best thing to do is to talk to someone, your pastor, a counselor, anyone about what's going on. Soldiers come back from war and they are different people - that's a fact of life. Make sure that your husband is getting the post-depolyment therapy that he needs, and then suggest counseling. If he does not want to go, go by yourself. You have to start asking the right questions before you can understand why your husband has had a change of heart and what responses are available for you to choose.

Answer 9

Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, he hears us. 1 John 5:14

How are you praying? God is not a Genie in a bottle you have to give Him time. Don't stop praying for your marriage. Do you belong to a church? Have you asked others to pray for you?
Stay in the Bible and keep praying God hears you and loves you.

Answer 10

Never give up on the prayer. I'm sure the things he has experienced in Iraq have taken a toll on him and his outlook on many things has changed. See if you can get counseling with a military chaplain for advice. I'll pray for you as well.