Does a person's past matter when you are trying to build a future with someone you love very much?

Question

i was ashamed of my past and lied about it at first. after i told him the truth about everything now all of a sudden he doesn't believe it. we worked things out and he told me that he wanted a future with me and wanted to marry me. so i thought. after meeting his family and going back to the area we live, he told me that he no longer wants to build a future with me and only wants to just date me and have sex. he told me that i will never be good enough for him to want to marry or even to build a future with.

Answer 1

A person's past cant be changed no matter how hard you try obviously. You can learn from someones past and also your past experiences. He might be jealous of your past and resent the fact that you lied, but Im sure you lied bc you didnt want to ruin anything - understood and Ive def done it, so dont worry about it. I guarantee he has some skeletons in his closet that he doesnt want you to know about it, so its all even. If he cant accept the fact that times have changed since then with you, then there are def other fish in the sea. Good luck gal!

Answer 2

You did the right thing for telling him. The same thing pretty much happened to me but I hid a lot about my past for 3 years and I still have not come completely clean and because I couldn't tell the truth I broke things off with him because honesty is really important and I could not be honest with him. I didn't think at first that a person's past really mattered because people change and grow up and go through phases, but your past does matter and builds you to be the person that you are today and whoever you are going to spend the rest of your life with will respect that and see past the things that you did in the past. Don't be ashamed, you might regret it but you should be with a person that respects you and doesn't see you as a bad person just because of your past. A person like that isn't right, it is amazing when you find the right person and they can forgive you for things you do wrong no problem and you can share everything with... I dont really know what else to say...just rambling! :) Things will be okay I just dont think this guy is right for you if he can't forgive you for something like that.

Answer 3

It's not necessarily your past that matters so much as the fact that you weren't honest is what damaged your relationship. Trust is a hard thing to acquire. Once it's gone it's almost impossible to regain. It can take years to repair trust issues. You two may not have a strong enough foundation to work with yet. If a man tells you that you are not good enough for him you should tell him your too good for him and walk away with your head held high. Nobody has the right to crush your spirits. In the future face your past head on, it is what has made you the person you are today. Which should be more mature and wiser.

Answer 4

What a jerk. A persons past does matter but he should have thought about this before you got really serious. I think you shouldn't have lied to him. That might be the real reason he's being this way. If he doesn't want a serious relationship with you then leave him. Don't stay with him if he doesn't respect you and care about what YOU want. If he straight up said "you are not good enough for me to marry" then I would never speak to him again. Thats a horrible thing to say to someone you're already engaged to.

Answer 5

His opinions of you, whether based on your past or not don't change who you truely are. Don't find yourself getting an idea of who you are by anyone elses ideas. You are a powerful and unique individual. Anyone who can't accept you for you will always find "excuses" to influence you to believe you're a less valuable person and should therefore be grateful for any attention they give you.
As to the question headline: What you carry from your past determines what type of life you will have and what direction you will go. It has a tremendous impact on the decisions you make everyday. Some events are good to remember as lessons learned. Some events are better buried and never remembered again. The decision of what is what in that area is yours to pick and choose.
When you make your decisions remember you are powerful, unique and are more than able to tackle anything. Don't give your power of who you are away, especially to people who will service their needs (physical, mental and spiritual) with you and then move on.
You don't need a person in your life who will always be there to tell you how wrong you are and how unworthy you are. This negativity will drain you both physically (causing health issues) and spiritually.
Listen to your own self here. You can pick people like this man who will be negative influence through out your life or you can pick people who will be positive influences. This actually determines how you make life changing decisions that guide your future. (Where you go; what you do, etc.)
best of luck to you.

Answer 6

That is HORRIBLE. HE doesn't deserve you. If you've done something in your past, things that are bad, or that you are ashamed of....um that's why we call it the PAST. Because you don't do that anymore, and it isn't a part of your life. Nobody is perfect, and we've all done things in our life we aren't proud of. Yes you ma de the mistake of lying to begin with, but again, NOBODY IS PERFECT, and at least you cared about him enough to man up and let him know the truth. He should know that this shows you truly trust him and thought he could handle it and that he deserved to know. My b/f has a past he isn't at all proud of, and he was even hesitant to ever even tell me exactly the things he had done.

Maybe for fear of the same thing your guy has done to you. When he finally revealed everything in detail, it was a lot to take in, but I know that isn't him, and that he was young and just made some mistakes of which he terribly regrets. He is judging the present you for the past you, and it just isn't right or fair.

Off the top of my head, there are very few things that I can think of that a person could do that might make me have to rethink something like a future together, and even if what you've done or used to do makes him rethink your future, he should come at you with respect and let you know his feelings, and that he isn't judging you but he just doesn't feel that he could handle something like that.

Instead he tells you he just wants to date you and have sex with you instead? Tell him if i'm not good enough for your future, then I sure as hell won't be good for your present!


Good Luck!!

Answer 7

Honey you made two major mistakes here. First you lied about your past, then you told him the truth.

He is telling you that you cheapened the relationship by not telling him the truth about your past in the first place. If you thought so little of him when you told him about your past, how will you feel 20 years in the future. See what I mean.

I think you have no choice but to say goodbye to this man and learn from the mistake. The next serious relationship you get yourself into should be based upon honesty, integrity and mutual respect.

With those emotions, your past will be meaningless. It would be just that past history.

Answer 8

Wow, you must have quite a few stories.
In the end...the person you are now is what matters. You have to become comfortable with your past before anything else. Because thick or thin, you have to live with it.
If he can accept you as you are now, your past shouldn't change that.
The fact that your posting here about it shows that it is your past and you shouldn't be due to repeat it.
Let him go. He's a little too full of himself if he thinks you're not good enough. Only a true snob or yuppie would think that way.
I hope you find your comfort and love in the future. Be upfront and honest next time. But if he loved you, he'd forgive your past. I bet his isn't squeaky clean either.

Answer 9

Yes, I'm sorry to say your past does indeed matter. That's not to say you can't change, but other people will continue to judge you upon your past actions. You might find someone who doesn't find your past abhorrent, or who believes in your ability to change, but it sounds as though this current guy isn't that one. Just as you wanted him to believe in you and give you a chance, I think it's fair to give him a chance. But if he doesn't come around real quick, you need to know it's not "love," at least not on his part. If that proves to be the case, dump him and find someone who accepts you as you are.

You did the right thing to come clean. Imagine what it would have been like for him to find out years later, after a marriage perhaps. There is never any good to be found by "being in the closet" about your past.

Congratulations on being brave, and good luck in the future.

Answer 10

O my gosh, what is wrong with that man! What does he expect, perfection?! PLEASE!

I know it's hard, but take what he saying and run with it. He says all he wants to do is have sex with you, yes he did mention date, but dating is a pathway to marriage, if not a building a future together. So basically, what he is saying, is that he is too shallow and self-centered, and that he just wants to have sex with you. Great! Now you know him for the fool that he is and it should make it so much easier for you to drop his sorry butt, and go find yourself a man, that when he says I love you, it means I love you and everything that made you who you are, everything that brought you here and everything that will happen in the future. True love is unconditional, it should love, even when liking that person is hard. Cut your losses and drop the lose, you deserve so much more.