feeling bad , but standing my ground.?

Question

for the past 7 years come the summer hoildays, there I am looking after my two children and my sisters.
problem is she never sends any money for ice creams etc.
as I like to go out and not be stuck around the house.
I have the children for at least 5-6 hours 4 days a week for 5-6 weeks, I`m fed up of being used no pocket money for the kids or a return in favour such as she will have my kids for a day on her day off
so have not offered to have them this summer so they are going to my mothers, mum lives in the country side cant drive, the problem is I feel sad for the children who will be stuck in while I take my children out of the day. But I dont want to be used any more I cant afford it
Any ideas ?

approached subject last summer and said I would need some money as I was going to the fair and having lunch out
she gave me £1
They are very mean with their money where the children are concerned but have just come back from a cruise and have bought a new car

Answer 1

you're right to do it.why should it cost you

Answer 2

Is the only problem here the fact your sister doesn't give you money for the kids? That issue aside are you happy to take them over the holidays? If so why don't you just mention to your sister that you are going out and about with the kids so they could do with a few pound every day or £15 to you every week or whatever you feel you need.

If she has an ounce of reason in her then she won't object for a second. Maybe it has just never entered her head?

If you don't like having them and want to stop and the money is just the last straw then your doing the right thing. Maybe take them on the odd day where you have something decent planned.

Answer 3

Why should you feel bad for being a good parent? How dare your sister think this is ok or her husband for that matter.

Wouldn't it be interesting if for some reason no one could look after the children on a day or several. What happens then does one or the other parent have the day off???

You're being treated as unpaid skivvies who can wait on her kids while she's off making the money that she then doesn't want to spend on her kids.

You look after yours and have a great summer, maybe this will make them see that it's not fair.

Answer 4

I am a mother of three children, and have been in that situation, where you want to be a cool aunt, I totally understand. Talk to your sister, tell her that you would love to have her kids there, but, it is getting a little expensive, give her an itinerary of things you would be doing. If she agrees to help flip the bill for all your plans, great!! If not, unfortunately, you do need to stick your ground, or maybe just pick up the kids every once in a great while. Hope everything works out, remember, there are always cheap or free things to do with our kids, parks, bike rides, or just playing outside, they'll remember that for a long time.

Answer 5

Ha!!! Don't feel guilty!!!! you have done the right thing. your sisters children will be just fine in the country. they can learn to use their imagination . Your sister has got to stop using people!
You just need to enjoy your children. and if you do decide to keep the others once in a while do only if totally clear that the next time it is her turn to keep yours.Any outings you need to ask for money, like , we are going to the zoo today I would like to include your children but they need to bring a bag lunch bottle of water and 5 dollars for any extras they want.Have some fun with your children!!

Answer 6

Tell her you would love to have the children but, thing are so expensive you can't afford to take the children on days out etc, and surely she will get the hint and offer you some money, as regards her babysitting for you say you want to go away for the weekend and can she have the kids for you .

Answer 7

It sounds like your sister is just taking advantage of your good nature.

She knows that as a loving Aunt you'll not want to see her kids miss out and she's exploiting that.

I'm a Registered Childminder and charge £3.50 per hour per child, so for the time you say that you're caring for her kids (6 hours a day, 4 days a week for 6 weeks) she'd have to pay the likes of me £504 PER CHILD for the summer holidays.

You need to point this out to her, and either ask her to start being more considerate towards you (having yours by return and providing pocket money), or she'll have to start and look elsewhere. Does she know how much you spend when you have her children? If not you need to point it out to her how much you do spend on them when you're looking after them, and ask her to make sure that they take spends to Grandma's, and tell her that you don't think it's fair for your mum to have to shell out her money to entertain them

Don't be her doormat - regardless of how sorry you feel for the kids, it's this emotion that she's playing on. But to be fair - if you're offering to have them for her can you blame her for taking you up on the offer when you work out just how much she WOULD have to pay for professional childcare.

Answer 8

Go and visit them a few times with your kids so that you know they have had a few fun days with you too!
Don't feel guilty. If you can't afford to pay for your sisters kids, you shouldn't have to! If your sister can't afford to help out with entertaining the kids then they are just goin to have to entertain themselves. One summer in the countryside will do them a lot of good and I bet they'll really enjoy the change!

Answer 9

Have you actually spoken with the sister on how you end up paying for her kids and a bit of support or trade-off time where she watches the kids might be nice?

I sympathize with the position but your sister's not a mind-reader. Perhaps she doesn't see this as a problem, or perhaps she doesn't know it's a problem.

But if it ends up that you get the short end of the stick, don't feel bad if the kids aren't together. You did your part.

Answer 10

Why don't you try talking to her. She must be feeling a bit bewildered, as will the kids, because no one will understand why you have taken this stand.
Why don't you just ask her for some pocket money for them?
You're making a stand where perhaps you don't need to do so, but just communicate a bit better.

Answer 11

Just because they are family doesn't mean they have the right to use you. Now they are using your mum.
I would come right out and tell her that what she is doing is wrong. Maybe she doesn't even realise it?
If she had to hire a baby sitter for her kids it would cost her more than ice cream money!!!!