working mom?

Question

I do work and I had to go back to the office from maternity leave as early as two months after giving birth. My baby is now 7 months old and all these time, it was my husband, his sister and his mom who takes care of my baby.

i cant fit in my schedule. i work graveyard shift so i sleep at day and leave at night. I am really becoming afraid seeing my worst fear, my son does no recognize me. I think he doesnt even know me. I dont think he knows im his mother.

I always observe him. he squeals as soon as he sees or hears his dad, his aunt and his grandma but usually no reaction ( not even a glimpse or quick look) if it is me calling him.

Believe me, it really hurts. I cant stop working because if i do, we'll have financial problems.

Do you also work? do u leave your child? does he/she recognize u or respect you as his parent?

Answer 1

Your question made me cry...seriously. I have the same fear sweetie. I'm going to have to go work now b/c of financial issues and I fear the same thing but also have no choice. I will also have to work night shift leaving my mother in law to watch my six month old son during the day and my husband with him at night. I regret so badly that I can't give you a solution which I want to do so much, but I can't. I'm in the same boat though and I know how much it kills you to know that you're missing all these moments you'll never get back. I'll keep you in my thoughts and pray it all works out in your favor. Feel free to email me anytime you need to. Good luck.

Answer 2

I went back to work after 4 months (new CA law for maternity leave) and even then I had such a bond with my daughter that I was in a panic to go back to work. Luckily, my boss was very understanding. She allowed me to cut my hours a bit and my schedule was more flexible and I could take some work home. Now my daughter is 10 months and my husband has the summer off and he is watching her. I think this is a great time for her and him to bond. She also does not cry when I leave and sometimes when I get home she is just busy playing but I always pick her up and give her a big kiss/hug when I get home and I say "mommy's home". On weekends try to plan family outings like to the zoo and take lots of pictures...You are his mom and nothing will change that, he loves you. Just be glad he is in good care while you are away. Quality childcare is hard to find in the Bay Area and I have heard some bad stories. Have a talk to your boss about changing your hours for a while on a "trail basis" and see how it goes. It does not hurt to ask. Say that you will do your best to get the job done but having some flex time is important for you and your need to have the work/family balance... GOOD LUCK !!

Answer 3

Times have really changed. What I see in the working world these days are 3 months of maternity leave. When I had my four children (17-28), I only was off work for 3-4 weeks. Never once did I think that they did not recognize me. You have to remember it was your voice that they became accustomed to during the pregnancy. Your baby is now just starting to recognize and meet others and grow in their relationships. It is scary to leave a newer baby in the care of others (even family) when you must head back to work. Keep your chin up, the nerves will eventually settle down.

Answer 4

I feel your pain. I too am a full-time working mom. The difference between you & me is you get to go home after work. I am away from home (for work) 3-4 days a week (sometimes 6days straight). My husband is the primary caregiver. If I dont work, the bills dont get paid. I make 3 times more than my husband does, so it only makes sense that I do most of the wage earning. When I came home after 3 or 4 days, I felt like I had to reacquaint myself with my 9 mo old son. In the beginning, it was harder because it really seemed he didnt know who I was but now (he's 21mos old) he runs to the door when he sees me...There is hope, your baby will out grow this faze he's going thru. There will come a time your baby will know who you are but your husband will be a key part of that. You & he will need to come up with a game plan on how he can make your presense known even when you're not there (a small photo album of you & baby for baby to look at, voice mail messages for baby to listen to & hear your voice, a toy cell phone that you can record your voice on for baby, etc.).... Leaving your baby behind to go to work is hard everytime you go to work. It doesnt really get any easier, you just learn how to deal with it. Just know your child is with loving caring people, not in an impersonal daycare. Not everyone is as fortunate as we are to have family members care for our children in our absence...... Best of Luck to You......

Answer 5

Try getting a job in the daytime. I worked the graveyard shift when my fourth child was 8months-15 months. As a result, he grew a tighter bond with his dad who passed about six months after I quit my job. All my others had that strong bond with me but just that one had it with him. At this age, and up to aaboust 18 months of age is very critical as they are developing who they are and trust and familial bonds. If you are not around you will miss that. I know you feel that you can't make time but this is your child and you have to make time. I still stay at home with my four children and live off of our meager social security checks. I will start taking college course in the fall as well. Financial struggles happen. I would rather be broke and know I have my family than be rich and have my family living life without me.

Answer 6

oh honey I feel for ya. I've been back at it since my daughter was 5 months old and its the hardest thing ever!! She is 5 years old now and loves me just as much as daddy and grandparents for sure. Yes her dad and grandparents get more time with her and it still hurts 5 years later. But when we get time its just so special. Its all about quality not quantity. You can all the time in the world but if you spend it badly it means nothing. Or you can have barely any time at all but if you spend it right it means everything. I still work and miss her all the time, but even just last night we had to do some groceries after work and we made the best of it. I work from 8am-5pm, but daycare travel is aweful so I drop off at 730a m and pick up at 530pm, its a long day for her. But yesterday I picked her up at 530, took her out for pizza, then we did groceries and I get her to help me pick out what we need and she feels so proud, then right beside the grocery store is a park so we play there for 15 min, then its home, bath and bed, but she had a great evening with me. I won't see her now until saturday, she going to both her grandparents houses, but she loves me, she loves our time together, she always calls me at work if something new is going on, just make the most of the time you get to spend with your son and don't worry so much about it. Your his mom, just do your best and trust me, he will love you!!

Answer 7

i feel for ya.

its hard for moms today, dam if you do and dam if you dont. rent/mortgage prices are so high, electric, etc even milk is $4.30 a gallon (in NJ).

but maybe you can find some common ground; baby sit 2 or 3 kids at home or cut your job to work pt, or clean 2 houses a week ($60-$125 per house...CASH). get rid of a second car payment (if you have two). or just work pt til the baby goes to school full time.

something has to give.

when you work you feel guilty, when your a stay at home mom, people make you feel like you dont work (some hubbys included), so either way, theres guilt.

so, you may as well do what is best for your child(ren).

mom of 4,
in NJ

.

Answer 8

I quit my job when my 15 yr old was 8 months old.I picked him up at the sitters and heard him call her momma.It frkn killed me.My husband does well...tho at times believe me as with most parents its a struggle.I went back to work when he started school.Talk to your husband....if he is taking care of the baby...does this mean he is stay at home dad? If so maybe time to trade for a while.Find time to form that bond with your baby.....they grow up so fast.Maybe if possible give up the night shift.I know it is hard to juggle work and family.Best of luck

Answer 9

i have a friend who had a similar situation with her son when she went back to work. when she got near him he actually seemed to ignore her. she has been able to stay home with him since he turned 2, and now he is 4 years old and does the same thing if she is ever away from him during the day. apparently he is 'punishing' her for being away from him, and after a few hours of play time he forgets all about 'punishing' her and everything is fine again. i believe your child knows you, he may be waiting for you to 'make up' for being away from him. children know how to get extra attention :)
good luck!

Answer 10

hiya hun, sounds terrible, i really feel for you, i work 5 days week for 6 hours, my daughter goes to nursery three days a week and to her grandmothers for two i see her in the morning for an hour and in the evening for an hour, and all weekend, we have a great relationship and she pays just as much attention to me as she does her dad, who only sees her at the weekends because he works away, however when she was about 7 months and i was working, she wasnt interested in me, didnt acknowledge me, i changed jobs and although i only get 2 hours extra with her now than i did before it has done us good. maybe think about changing jobs or hours if possible, you will benefit from it, trust me. gud luk hun xx