Mother driving me crazy?

Question

My mother drives my husband and I crazy. She has anxiety problems and since I was a child has "depended" on me to do everything. She calls our house 4 or 5 times a day (sometimes more) stops by and beeps her horn in our driveway and keeps beeping until you come down. She is constantly saying that my husband must be abusing me because I never go anywhere. She always wants me to take her shopping, to get her license, dye her hair, fix something at her house, etc etc..and so I say that I am not going somewhere so she will leave me alone

I just dont know what to do but she makes me feel guilty for not doing things by saying that she has nobody to help her. Since she got a divorce it has gotten even worse and she has 4 other children but for some reason I am the one that is supposed to do everything. My sister graduated from college this past spring and my mother got mad for not driving her 2 1/2 hours to go.

does anyone have suggestions???

Answer 1

Yes my suggestion is to just say no to her. She cant make you do anything your not willing to do. Stop feeling guilty.

Answer 2

wow. this sounds so familiar that it hurts... what do your other siblings do that she only seems to go after you? are they in the same town? you have become her "escape clause" and I really feel your pain! One of you (preferably, you) needs some "me" time. A hobby that is away from the house and cannot be accessed by telephone or without an appointment like a gym/spa or a class at university. if your mother is over 55 I would suggest to her becoming a member of the silver sneakers. it's offered at the "Y" and it's free for seniors, she could make friends and get exercise which will help with the anxiety and improve self esteem. But if she's like my mother or at worst, my mother in law, it will be on you and your husband if he's supporting in this role to be busy for real.
You are a fail safe right now and your Mother needs to stand on her own. You are making it too easy to be her "target" by always being available to her. Make an appointment in your week for some Mom and Me time. Only in that time frame will you help her and limit how many things that you will do for her in that time frame. 3-4 things in an hour or 90 minutes no more than that a week. She'll get the hint or at least you get some of your freedom back. You need to let your mother know that you are not her doormat and she needs to respect you and the only way to do that is to set limits. She's gonna get p/o about it but don't back down or else it will get worse for you and your husband.

Answer 3

that is tricky because she is your mom. It sounds like she needs help psychologically for many issues, I am a big fan of therapy and depending on how bad it is anti-depressants. Your mom has been through a lot and in turn has put you and your family through a lot. You need to be direct and honest and tell her to back off and give you space. Tell your mom you love her but you have your own life and you want her to seek therapy so she can get better. It sounds like she is very lonely and depressed why don't you set up dates with her like once a week just you and her do something and tell her that you want to do that because she is important to you. I seriously think she needs therapy and medicine but only a doctor or therapist can make that call. She sound very needy, pushy, manipulative, lonely and just plain miserable and she is going to make you the same if you don't stand up to her.

Answer 4

You did not say she was elderly, handicapped, foreign, or anything that would make her reliance on you more reasonable. As your mom seems unnaturally burdensome to the point of being invasive or infringing on your husband's access to you, perhaps she is depressed. It will be very difficult for you to set boundaries, but you will have to make her rely more on herself (or even her other children) by simply not being available for unreasonable demands. If her problem is depression, you may feel guilty, but you cannot cure it for her by being codependent. Good luck.

Answer 5

Walk up to her and say, "Mom, I really love you and all but my husband is treating really well and I have my own family to take care of now. I have a lot of things on my hands, so could you try to take care of some of these things by yourself?"

Tell her to call you at most once a day unless of an emergency.

Tell her you have your own life to lead, kindly.

Tell her you love her.

Answer 6

i wouldnt take it as a wrong way i think your mum thinks that your more reliable or there is just something about you that the others dont not saying she loves you more just some people tend to cling more than others to diffrent people well i hope this helps!!

Answer 7

well maybe telll her 1 day out of the wekk you will spend time with her and the rest she will leave you alone