sexually abused for entire child/adolescenthood. feel like a loser.?

Question

years and years of therapy have only curtailed suicide. my 4 month old son died 4 1/2 years ago and i still miss him desperately. my 3 year old daughter brings much joy, but my hapiness isn't lasting. i am on medication. i see a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist as well as a marriage therapist. we (i) have been through a lot of trauma and i dont think i'll ever be a completely happy person. any advice on how to let go og my traumas and be happy and helpful to others?

p.s. I'm atheist, so please don't try to push the "god" thing.

I forgot to add that I'm now coping with all of the depression and stress with not only prescribed medications, but A LOT of alcohol that is not only detrimental to myself, but to my family.

Answer 1

You have had to endure a lot of pain and my heart goes out to you. I hate that children have to be abused, but you are still here and somehow you have got to understand that the abuse you received was not due to something that you did, It was not your fault. I know this because I had to endure physical abuse and I did not get over it until I made peace within myself..and the freedom I felt by letting go was amazing. They no longer had power over me..as I chose not to be bitter, to never forget, but not to be bitter..and to live my life in spite of what had happened in the past . I wanted to have a good life and I want that for you. It is amazing that I am telling this for all the world to read as I share this with so few people..I hope by me telling you this, that you will know that I do understand a little about your past.
Suicide is a horrible way to leave this world..it leaves behind so many hurt feelings that loved one's have a hard time getting over. They always blame themselves and always feel that they could have done more.
Your daughter needs you very much and I am sure that she loves you. It seems like you are receiving the help you need and there is nothing wrong in getting that help and using the medication that the doctors order for you.
Lastly, I am so sorry for the loss of your son as I can only imagine the pain that you have to endure daily. If I could tell you that you are still here, your daughter needs you and the rest of your loved one's need you. Please hang in there and know that this is truly a wonderful world. You did not say how old that you are, but I hope that you have many happy days ahead of you as I feel that you deserve it.

Answer 2

You are NOT the loser!!!!!Don't you know that? You are a sexual abuse survivor trying to cope the best way you can. The meds may not be the right ones. I had to be a human guinea pig for a few months. Some docs don't like you changing meds, so you change docs. I'm so glad therapy stopped you from suicide. You have your precious daughter. I'm so sorry about your baby son. I know you said don't talk God, but know your baby is with God. ok, enough God. As long as you have depression, you naturally won't stay happy for long. I hated those "dark" times, the times where I just wanted to polish off a box of DingDongs, a twelve pack of beer and sleep FOREVER! I tried taking meds and drinking, then I found out the alcohol counteracts the drug. Bummer, cuz I love to get that quick fix. But the alcohol only ended up making me more depressed the next day. With the right meds, you can be feeling better. I never thought I'd be a happy camper either and there was sexual abuse issues in my family and the guilt that goes with it. Today, I find no guilt in what a frickin' perv did to me! And I find myself happy. I wish you luck and hope..it's out there. Ok, one more God thing and I'm done. I don't know why God lets stuff happen to children, but I know God loves us and wants us whole and happy. Ok, God stuff said. Hugs to you...get your meds changed and remember what I said about the alcohol thing! ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Answer 3

Why feel like a looser? Many people have been abused as a child, I was.
It's it's not your fault. I'm sure you have a lot of stress still held up in you. The best way for me to cope, is to write my feelings down in my journal, and if its anger, i tear it up in shreds. You need to let out your emotions bit by bit, to get rid of the tension held up inside of you. I think your therapist is helping, but you need to start helping yourself.
Try doing yoga, find some programs, it's the number one thing for abused victims, I would know. It helps me through the trauma a lot, some of the positions are so relaxing sometimes I want to just cry. And I do, because if i hold it in, it's only going to buiild up and feel worse.
But trust me your not a lone, a lot of people have been through what your going through right now, and you got to have faith in yourself, and believe that you can get through this.
Believe in the future, tell yourself your going to make it, i have faith.
I didn't think I'd make it where I am today, but I'm here, and let me tell you something, I may be still hurt, but I have healed, not from anyone but myself.
You have to help your own self, deal with what you have lost.

Some people have already committed suicide, or have even gotten killed due to abuse. And your a survivor. You have to stop thinking about what bad things could happen, or what did. You have to look towards the future, because it's behind you now, and you can't change it.
Don't dwell on what happened, be thankful it did.
Think of the good memories, happy thoughts, not the bad ones.
you have your daughter, how lucky you are to have her still. You may have lost one son, but you still have her. Think of
How lucky you are, that you have made it this far? Maybe then you'll start believeing that you don't have it so bad.

Answer 4

1)Don't try to think further than a few days at a time. Nothing is more depressing than to look into a dark tunnel and try to figure out what's in the darkness.

2)You have a few healthy going on for you - your 3 yr old, your therapy (as much as it is a dread sometimes), your husband.

3)There are no quick fixes to letting go, as your therapists will say so, again and again.

4)If you sometimes feel you want to give back a little, give back a little, any small amt of giving, be it even just a smile to some lonely folk, calling up a friend who might need something from you, or just to chat for a few min, making some eye contact anyplace (be careful whom you choose to do that with), going to the library to find out what hobbies you can consider, let alone take it up, etc... but do them at your own pace. You need to continue to be kindly to yourself, and when you start to hear yourself beating yourself down again, acknowledge it. Actually say it to yourself, and say "how silly I am to do it again..."

5) The only things that last are moments of joy, and these usually aren't long while it's happening. Your subconscious does imprint these into your system, so when you're finding yourself down again, take these memories out to reminisce about.

I hope this helps,
be sober, one day at a time....

Answer 5

My father died three years ago and I have spent every year since then thinking about how depressed I am, how stressed I am, how screwed up I am. . . I went to a psychologist and a psychiatrist. I tried anti-depressants and liquor. I burried myself in work. No change.

Then it occurred to me, after looking back on the past few years, I have ALWAYS been depressed. I grew up as the child of an alcoholic from a disfuctiontional broken home. I have spent my life trying to "fix" myself.

Funny enough, no professional expert, pill, husband/wife, kids, etc can "fix" us. We have to make a personal decision to WANT to be happy. I know it is more difficult than it sounds, but really, you decide each day what you want to see. Do I want to remember my father in his weakest moments, or the gifts he gave me? Do I want to be mad that I now have to care for his mother, or do I want to be grateful that she is still around to remind me of him?

Last week, I threw out all of my sweat pants and old t's. I filled my closet with some nice summer dresses. And, when I was feeling crappy the other day, instead of lying on my couch I made a choice to go to the coffee shop down the street. Instead of putting on some old, unattractive clothes, I put on a dress.

Just as easily as we can change our wardrobe, we can change our frown to a smile. And, soon that smile turns into a chuckle that reaches into our hearts and begins to help us heal. CHOOSE to be happy and it will come.

Ohh, and I'll spare you the GOD stuff, cause I'm not religious either. :) Take care of yourself.

Answer 6

Aw sorry to hear about this. =[
I've gone through many tough times in my life also, some actually really bad when i was a child. Abuse, starvation, having to take care of myself...those kind of things.
I'm a teenager now, i don't live with either of my parents, and i get extremely depressed sometimes that i dont have a normal family life.
but when i think about it, i call myself selfish.
think of all the people out there, who have nothing. not even a home.
when i think about these things, it makes me feel alot more proud to be where i am.
all things die, life is life.
you can either take it or leave it...its YOUR choice on how you want to act or live and feel.
Make the best out of things, and things with get better.
And when you need help, go to a close friend or family member or anybody you trust, and let it out. Sometimes you just need to let out a really big long cry, and it's okay to cry.
Just think your life over, and more on. You have way more things to do in your life than be unhappy.
So just think, and promise your self...that everything is going to be all right. Because when you make the best of things, you can make them the way YOU want them to be.
=]

Answer 7

Try your best to stay away from the alcohol. I am so sorry to hear of what you've been through, but the best thing you can do for yourself is to be the best wife and mother you can. You have your Husband and Daughter to love you, so let them. You might want to look into being a big sister/mentor to a child who has been through what you have. That might help you push through so of your own issues while helping someone that really needs you. Good luck to you. Be good to yourself, because you are the only one strong enough to change yourself.

Answer 8

I was just at a friends house. She lost her leg from the knee down when she was 13. At the age of 25 her husband was killed in a car accident. They had two boys together, one was two weeks old when he died. This was two years ago and some how she has made it this far. Life sucks but take it day by day and enjoy your daughter. You don't want her to be messed up. Remember you are a adult and you make your own decisions. Be tough because you have too.

Answer 9

Well U need to meditate. I'm sure sometimes life is fine for you sometimes and other limes you feel like jumping off a building. During ur depressing episodes, U should try squeezing and releasing every muscle in your body starting from your toes and work your way up. Make sure u imagine Ur self breathing in blessings and breathing out all Ur emotional imperfections. concentrate 4 an hour or longer if needed. this even works in 5 min.

Answer 10

Just bcos those bad things happen to u, it doesnt make u a loser. Been there..in a way..
Faith. Have faith, though u dont blive in God, at least have faith in urself that U're gonna make it. I wish u all the best. Oh and by the way, read up more on those self-development books. It helps. Build ur confidence and self-esteem.
Only be with pple who cares for u, n walk away from those negative pple. I hope this helps. Take care. :)