What would you do if your fiance's friends (who are 15-18 years younger than he is) want to take him to a strip club for his birthday? How would YOU react?
This is part of the email I sent him telling him how I felt. Is it wrong? Or am I overreacting?
"I know it's all in good fun and all, but it bothers me. It makes me feel that I'm not enough for you and that you have to find your kicks somewhere else. I know you probably think I'm feeling sorry for myself and all that, but I would think that you shouldn't even want to do that since we are engaged.
It would be totally different if you were not in a relationship. We've promised to each other that we are going to spend the rest of our lives together. I was hoping to spend your birthday with you (if you didn't already know that). I am perfectly fine with your friends wanting to celebrate with you as well, but there are far more appropriate ways that wouldn't compromise who you are or what our relationship is about."
2007-07-18 15:45:56 · 11 answers · asked by knifelvr 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm not insecure. I was just confused as to why he would want to go?
He lives 10 hours away from me and I am going home the weekend of his birthday. He said that maybe he would have some time for me. MAYBE?? I haven't been home for 3 months, and I'd at least like to give him his birthday present (I got him a couple things I think he would really like) to his face and he says MAYBE we can see each other?
2007-07-18 15:59:19 · update #1
These guys are his crotch rocket posse as I call them.. the motocycle buddies.. they are all between 21-26 years old and he will be turning 38 at the end of the month.. mid life crisis much?
2007-07-18 16:06:21 · update #2
First of all, that seems way to personal to put in an email, If you are that bothered by it, you should discuss it in person.
For most men, looking at a sexy woman has nothing to do with their love for their wife/fiancee/girlfriend. It's not because they don't get enough sex or because there's something wrong with the woman in their life.
Strip clubs are about male bonding and the freedom to ogle without offending. It's not in anyway a reflection on your relationship.
I would strongly recommend two things: first, let your fiancee know you're not comfortable with the idea, but you trust him and want him to enjoy his birthday. Have him agree to limits on what he can do there (very, very few strippers engage in prostitution, but many these days offer lap dances).
Second, suggest that you go with him sometime to a club (without the friends). Perhaps not knowing what goes on there is part of your apprehension.
2007-07-18 15:57:13 · answer #1 · answered by rotogeek33 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would react the same way you did. There is no way I would let my husband go to a strip club. There is no need for that especially since we are married. Yes you have every right to react the way that you did. He is engaged to you. If he loves you he will respect your feelings and not go and tell his friends that they will have to do something else to celebrate his birthday or go without him. It shouldn't be an option. Good luck to you!!!
2007-07-18 22:54:11 · answer #2 · answered by beautiful_babe170 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the guys coming home to you, why be bothered? Never hurts to window shop! Besides, it sounds like it was his friends idea to have their "alone" time with him. To be fair, Im sure you and the girls do things he wouldnt always approve of either. As long as your being insecure, he will resist your "short leash" and start straying more and more, and perhaps start doing more than window shopping. Let him know you dont approve, but dont nag him about it. If he wants his guy time, then thats when you need your girl time. Absence makes the heart grow fonder!
2007-07-18 22:57:13 · answer #3 · answered by tony b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to lighten up. Allow him some stupid fun, and he will always come home.
The more you try to control, the more he will resist and resent.
This would appear to be a rare event. If he were going all the time, you would have a basis for complaint. Otherwise, quit being so insecure.
2007-07-18 22:52:36 · answer #4 · answered by Wango138 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The good: He was honest with you and let you know he was going.
The bad: he hangs with guys 15 yrs younger? puts him at 35-40, so guys in 20s who are in a different phase.
If for a goof, a one time thing, no biggie. If it will be a regular thing, well, you'll want to talk about that.
good luck
2007-07-18 22:56:48 · answer #5 · answered by good gesser 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not overreacting...you explained your feelings in a mature and clear way. Hopefully he will take them into consideration when he decides what to do! If it helps, I'd probably feel similarly. Good luck!
2007-07-18 22:52:42 · answer #6 · answered by sabresgirl14221 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are engaged, not dead. Strip clubs are not bad cheating is. Are you insecure in your relationship? When you are married, then it becomes inappropiate.
2007-07-18 22:51:52 · answer #7 · answered by Mamaw 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
the better question is why is your boyfriend haning out with men that are 15-10 years young then he is?
2007-07-18 22:53:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't allow it. If you want to send the e-mail that is fine, but I would say "If you go, then we are done." It really is that simple!
2007-07-18 22:51:40 · answer #9 · answered by January 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are overreacting. Don't be so controlling.
2007-07-18 22:53:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋