Am I too controlling in this relationship?

Question

I am in this relationship for a year and 4 months now, but it seems like everything is going down. We always fight for little thing. We both have temper, I admitted it. I am really againist smoking. My boyfriend likes to smoke cigar, but he gave me a really bad impression when we first dating. He left me out, and spent two hours with his friend smoking, so I was alone. From then on, I told him to stop smoking, or I dont want to be in a relationship. Now, it is to the point that I am just guessing if he smokes behind my back, so, we just have a stupid fight like that. I step back and think, if this is worth it to tell him stop smoking and , on the other hand, worry about he may be behind from me. So, I told him, u can smoke, but please dont smoke when I am around. I am not sure if I would like it at all, but i will try.
I dont know if I am doing a right thing. Please help! Is it worth is to be in this relationshp still, if we fight often?

Actually, there is more to the story, just dont want to get too detail. Smoking is not the only issue. i found out something he did, but I forgave him. Anyway, thanks for all ur response. I will take them to my consideration. THANKS ALOT!!

Answer 1

first of all, you met him smoking and he left you hanging so you say. If you did not like it then why bother to be in a relationship for this long. You can' t change people. if this was the case sweetie you should have left that alone from day one. he sneaks out and smokes ,cuz he respects you and your values for not being a smoker. Honestly if you do not like it and causes problems maybe you should move on. This is not going to get better before it gets worse. Not saying bail on him. You must ask tyourself how much do I love this person and at the same time how much does he love you. There are good people in this world but at somepoint we all have our downfalls. Smoking is his. If this the only problem that leads to your spats maybe you just need to think iot over within yourself and make a decision you can live with.. To me you should check your pros and cons of this relationship and evaluate them and make your decision then. To me it sounds like there might be other problems and this is just a excuse to argue.. hope you can figure it out ....Later....

Answer 2

I think that asking him to not smoke around you is fair.

Telling him to quit smoking or you don't want to be in a relationship......is controlling.

Is your inability to control his smoking more important than your relationship? Is an occasional irritant worth breaking up for?

My spouse has some less than appealing habits but has held up through the good times and the bad. I will always take the spouse..."as is"....warts and all.

Answer 3

I think the decision to ask him not to smoke when your around is perfect. I think that you need to learn to work with eachother to find solutions that meet both of your needs. It sounds stupid, I know. But next time you have an argument, think about his side of the story, even though you don't want to admit you may be wrong. He enjoys smoking because it may be something he does just "with the guys".

Answer 4

You knew he smoked from the beginning, so if you're fighting over cigar smoke, then you need to end the relationship. There's more serious things in a relationship to fight over (drugs, cheating, abuse, rudeness,etc.).

Answer 5

Sounds like something my ex and I went through. I threw a fit when I found out he was smoking behind my back. He knew EXACTLY how I felt about it. My friend caught him one day and I tried to see if he would tell me. He didn't. I got upset with him. I want him to be healthy... I don't want him to be anywhere near cancer sticks. Health is very important to me because I want to be with someone I can grow old with.... not die on me from something he could've prevented. I cried and he promised never to do it again.

If he cares, he won't put you through this. You are telling him not to smoke not because of you.... but because of HIM and HIS HEALTH. You are not being selfish in this. And if he doesn't respect you or himself, I don't see why you should care about him anymore. He doesn't seem to care about you or anything else.

You are NOT being controlling. You are looking out for him.

You are doing the right thing. Don't think you aren't. If I were you, I would end it. If he doesn't care about himself, why should you? Smoking is serious...

I wish I broke up with my boyfriend a long time ago.... he would do a lot of bad things to me and treat me unfairly (similar to your situation). We were together for as long as you were with your boyfriend..... I just wish I didn't wait till he cheated on me to end it.


Remember... God does not take something away from you without giving you something better.

Answer 6

We can like someone that is very different and i guess in a situation like yours it's usual the fight.Now you have to see if your' fight is benefice or it's getting to the point for disrespect because if you start hurting each other you better just break up and move on.I am in a similar situation, there are certain things i don't like about my boyfriend but i got used to it, because i realized i was happy with him, even with those things that used to bothered me.So i adapted to that and now it doesn't bother me anymore...i didn't want to loose him because I LOVE HIM A LOT.

Answer 7

if ur just fighting over the smoking, it depends. if he respects ur wish to not smoke around u, u guys shouldn't fight about it anymore. u telling him not to smoke at all is controlling, but asking him not to smoke around u is ur right and he should respect that.