I met this guy. He's 30 and im 18. I've known him for about a year and a half. I lost my virginity to him after about 4 months of "dating." He lives about 200 miles away. He barely ever calls me, and only comes to visit about once every two months. I feel like I'm insane because I'm so obsessed with him. When I'm with him he gives me SO much attention and makes me laugh. He's very handsome. But overall, obviously i feel like crap about staying with him.
I know this sounds CRAZY, but I can't get myself to dump him!
I tried doing it last summer, but i just ended up hooking up with him again. I feel like a different person when i'm around him - like im under a trance.
My self-esteem sucks, while he is the most confident person i've ever met. I feel like i try to feed off him, but im left feeling empty when he leaves for so long. I wish i could be like him so i didnt want him.
Any advice, no matter how brutally honest, would help so much.
2007-07-18 10:38:43 · 22 answers · asked by Loen872 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Get rid of him, FAST. He's using you and the fact that he knows how 18yo girls think to have available sex when he visits town and no commitment at other times. I know he makes you feel good when you're with him, but if it was truly love - or even a healthy "friendship with benefits" - then it would make you feel good all the time.
He may be confident, but he's a user and a low-life. Work on your self-esteem by finding a guy who values YOU as an individual, and wants to talk to you every day, and doesn't just use you for sex.
Run, don't walk!
2007-07-18 10:46:25 · answer #1 · answered by ozperp 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, I think that this guy is just staying around for the sex, If he was trying to get serious he would make more time for you. If he calls you only late at night or if he calls you and stay, you guys hang out for a few days, then have sex and he leaves, the number one key is that, its all he's looking for in this relationship. I think the best thing that you can do right now is this. When he leaves and goes away for those two or three months, (and if his done it many times before you can be sure he's gonna do it again) take that time to really find out who you are, and what you really want. Try to keep your mind off of him, and conentrate on what is the best thing for you. If you succeed with that. Then it will become much easier to let him go if he does not want what you want. It will take time. But once you make up your mind- you'll be fine.
2007-07-18 10:56:30 · answer #2 · answered by cha-cha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand your situation. I have been there unfortunately many times, nut thankfully I had a friend that opened my eyes by telling me that I don't need him, he's the one needing me for his "satisfaction and ego" he acts like he is so sure of himself in fact he's completely oposite. He'll come to you after he's been away from you as long as he can but he'll only come back to use you for the physical you not the REAL YOU, cause if he was into you he wouldn't be treating you the way that he does, instead he would be almost falling over himself trying to please you instead of being the other way around.
Unfortunately he is the "USER" type, the one that gets what he wants, when he wants it and doesn't have your interest at heart and unfortunately he doesn't really care about you the way you think or hope he does. I'm sorry to say that, but it's true. If anyone knows anything about THEM, it's me, I've been there, done that and got the t-shirt and then burned it.
2007-07-18 10:52:32 · answer #3 · answered by Mary M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm sorry which you're dealing with this. regrettably, I even have been via this too. Even worse, those are oftentimes the indications for me that the guy needs an out. i'm not completely particular the form you may handle this via fact which you have become married this 3 hundred and sixty 5 days yet i might advise you talk with him approximately it. If he needs to go away he will take his cue and help you realize. If he would not, he will probably set unfastened what has been bothering him all alongside. the two way, you is only not caught in a loveless marriage and you will not be apologetic suitable to the "talk". solid success inspite of the indisputable fact that. i'm hoping it works out for the terrific.
2016-10-21 23:10:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your only 18!! Why do you want to be with someone who only uses you for their own need. It doesn't matter how good or great he is to you when hes around. Look at what he does to you when hes not. I hate to say it but your just a booty call to him. You need to get some self esteem and start to love who you are. Like I said, your only 18. You should be out there dating and having the time of your life. Don't make yourself so available for any man, they feed off that....trust me. I wish you the best sweetie, hang in there and think about making yourself happy and not someone who only appreciates you at their leisure.. Be strong and know your beautiful!!
2007-07-18 10:50:05 · answer #5 · answered by Kit Katt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He might be a sociopath.
The way you say he's...mesmerizing...that's a good sign of a sociopath. I mean, somebody without a conscience. Many people say that sociopaths have a weird sort of way of putting you in a trance.
Kinda like looking at a predator's eyes when it's stalking its prey.
Sociopaths make up around 4% of the population...sounds like you found yourself one.
They don't care if they hurt you. They don't care about you...period. They only want to f*ck with your head and get physical gratification, but they don't care about the relationship.
You can't have a normal relationship with a sociopath. Break it off. You'll feel better once you get some distance, I mean, time-wise. Metaphorically speaking.
You already have plenty of distance in the relationship.
But seriously, it's not gonna work, and you'll drive yourself crazy trying to make it work, because you're not dealing with a normal human being.
You might as well date a robot. That's what a person without a conscience is like.
2007-07-18 10:45:42 · answer #6 · answered by SlowClap 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He Is Married!! Why is a 30 year old interested in an 18 year old? SEX & Only Sex! (sorrry). I'm sure he know what to say to you when he is with you for SEX. If he wanted to be with you, he would make an effert to call & somehow come up to see you. 200 miles is not the end of the earth. Please move on - your very young and deserve so much more. Join a club, gym, etc. anything - get out and meet people - soon you'll forget all about him. Hang in there -- no tears!!
2007-07-18 10:43:41 · answer #7 · answered by Suzi 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
ok not to hurt your feelings, but it sounds like he's got something to hide. and if your self esteem is that low than you need to take a look in the mirror. Don't ever tell your self that you can't do it or you won't bc of what others think, Do it if nothing else for you to make YOU happy. Confidance is everything.
2007-07-18 10:45:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It can be easy for a person who feels crappy about themselves to keep coming back to something that is familiar. No matter how bad it is. You need to find someone else you are comfortable with. It will take time of course and while you are working on that also work on your self esteem. Go to a therapist or someone like that who can show you your true worth.
2007-07-18 10:43:28 · answer #9 · answered by Derek J 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are a young person with less experience in life and relationships than him.
Ask yourself: Do I feel respected? Do I respect myself? If you can get counseling to deal with your feelings, I would suugest it. What kind of relationship do you have with your parents? Are you a survivor of any type of abuse by parents or siblings. Another very important question. Usually, we get into relationships that are familiar, yet toxic. Good luck.
2007-07-18 10:52:05 · answer #10 · answered by Ben-there 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋