My grandaughter told me in confidency that she was going to commit suicide?

Question

yesterday my 16 yr old granddaughter visited me and she told me that she was planning to commit suicide later this week, but before she told me she made me promise not to let anyone she knows find find out. Now in life, I may have lied, cheated(board games) and even stole before but I have never EVER broken a promise nor do I plan to. Once back in 'Nam I had 9 men under my command, me and Srgt. Wolmers, A fellow Sergeant in the war decided to set camp outside a POW camp, Wolmers said that he and his men would take the night watch, when I woke up the next morning Srgt Wolmers and his men were gone along with most of our ammo, leaving me and my men to be captured, the night before I had promised him that i would eat a steak dinner with him, a year and a half ago i found Srgt. Wolmer's grave(in Virginia) told the mortician my story and ate that steak dinner with him, that man left me for dead but i held my promise, so what I'm really asking for is a loophole

the terms and conditions of my deal were:
Nobody she knows can find out(hence why I am on this website) and:
I cant force help on her and I cant force her to receive help

even If I were to tell Mary(my daughter and he mother) she would freak out and overreact and throw her to a therapist, I wish i would tell someone but I put honor above all(even family)

Answer 1

there is one way to get help for her without her ever finding out you said or did anything.

go to her school and tell the child protection coordinator or the school councillor what you just told us. they will take action and help her to get over whatever her problems are, what i suggest is that rather than them saying somebody told them (cos she'll know it was you) you get them to say they noticed her behaving differently at school and were concerned.

if that fails just keep an eye of her, don't let her be on her own if you can help it, just keep her from doing anything stupid for as long as possible, hopefully she will realise what she's thinking isn't the answer before its too late to take it back.

best of luck x

Answer 2

Your daughter sending her daughter to a therapist is not overreacting. Your grand-daughter is sick.
Lets look at this "promise"- you promised you would not say anything before you knew what she was going to tell you- something you surely would not have said had you known what was coming- so really the grounds of the promise are questionable to say the least.
Beyond the promise that you made to her think about the unspoken promise you have made to protect and care for her. You are her grandfather. She came to you because she trusts you to keep your word. Make a new promise to her- promise to help her every step of the way in her recovery. If one day you are standing at your granddaughter's grave, you will find no consolation in the fact that you kept your promise. If she shuts you out for a while (which she may do) then you can at least take comfort in the fact that you saved her life.

Answer 3

So your foolish pride caused you to look like a complete idiot eating a steak over some morons grave??? What!? And now your pride will cost you your grandaughter?? Wow...I don't even know where to begin.

If you refuse to 'tell' - You have to intervene yourself then...& right away! If she already has a day & a plan it is inevitable...you need to find out her plan & tell her that you really care about her & that suicide is not the answer. You need to create an alternative plan about how NOT to kill herself. If she is planning on using pills then flush them - a gun - take it away. She needs to get help & she seems to have reached out to you because she trusts you. Go with her to the hospital & talk to someone working in the crisis unit. SHE HAS REACHED OUT TO YOU! Don't ignore it - it will only validate that she is alone. Stand up & be a man. Put your own personal stuff to the side & stop being so self-centered. This has nothing to do with your steak dinner - this is a precious girl who is lost & for some unknown reason came to you. Wake up & help her right now! Or you will loose her.

Answer 4

Are promises to minor children especially those who are mentally ill valid? Do they come under your same category? I admire your valor and integrity and feel sick you had to be in that war. I guess I would either call your granddaughter and talk some more saying that you should not have promised OR tell the mom or probably both. I am so sorry

Answer 5

your loop hole is to call a therapist yourself. if you are in the us then call a suicide hotline nuber and let them know what is going on. think about it. why did she confide this in you? is certainly was not because you keep your word. it is because you are a GOOD AND MORAL PERSON WHO DOES THE RIGHT THING. she has confided in a very strong, very cabable, very driven person who loves her very much. being a man who keeps his word is an honorable trait but you must look past the words to the consequences. a dead 16 year old will never live the life that you know she is capable of having if she can just get help. you are her help. she has chosen you to be her hero. she has chosen your strength to be her salvation. now you must carry her through and get her the help she needs. don't tell her mom but tell a professional. that is your loophole.

Answer 6

I've very shocked that you are even asking this question.

You are an adult you should know better than this! If your granddaughter follows through with this plan and you did nothing and said nothing you will have to live with the guilt for the rest of your life. Grow up, be an adult and help your granddaughter! Get your head out of your *** before its too late.

Answer 7

This is not about you or Nam. Irregardless of any promise made, you need to get her help. She may die or even worse live in a comma for the rest of her life because of your in action. She may hate you for speaking up, but you will be saving her life or you will be assisting her with suicide. Stand up and save her...

Answer 8

talk to her. and try her to get her to settle down and change her mind. try to get her to come with you to a hospital so they can give her a psych evaluation or whatver it is they give them. or if that doesn't work call 911. explain the situation and tell them the guidelines of the promise. because technically the hospital and 911 aren't people she knows, but by law her mother will have to find out but she doesn't have to kno that until they have her safe and secure. think about this, is holding a promise worth never being able to hold your granddaughter again? please do all you can to stop her.

Answer 9

Get her help. Being a parent and a grandparent is about doing what is best for the children. The promise doesn't mean anything in the larger scheme of things. You need to do what is absolutely necessary for her health and welfare. Get her help!

Answer 10

honestly what you need to do is sit down with her and make her talk to you. if she can trust you enough to tell you she wants to kill her self i am sure she will tell you why. you should really try to spend some time with her so she knows that someone loves her enough to take time out of their life to try and help her. If you are not going to tell someone you better do all you can because if she has her mind set on doing this and no one tries to help or show that they care about her she will definitely do and if she does you are never going to be able to live that down.