Me and my fiance are engaged but havent set a date yet. I keep stressing myself out because i want everything to be perfect. The problem is I want my niece to be our flower girl and I'm afraid that he will be upset if I dont make his daughter the flower girl. For one, i think she is too old and 2- i doubt her mother would let her attend anyway. She was in his brothers wedding as the flower girl and acted like it was the worst thing in the world to be doing. She didnt even smile in any of the pictures. We have problems already when it comes to his daughter because she does what she wants and doesnt listen bc of her mother. So how do i go about having things done my way?
2007-07-18
10:26:43
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18 answers
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asked by
hadenough
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Family & Relationships
➔ Weddings
His daughter is 10 and was 8 at the previous wedding. My "niece" (it's actually his niece but we've been together since before she was born) was already decided as the flower girl before we ever got engaged. His daughter does not listen and I dont want to have chaos bc of her. My son knows how to behave and has to follow rules and he is younger than her and better behaved.
2007-07-18
10:43:39 ·
update #1
We have been dating and living together for almost 5 years now and his daughter is still rude to both of us when he has her every other weekend. There is nothing for her to get used to. Her mom and stepdad let her do what she wants and she even refers to my fiance by his first name and calls her stepdad daddy
2007-07-18
10:47:06 ·
update #2
It is very hard when your mate has a child. I ran into this at my wedding and the morning of the wedding had no flower girl, because her mother wouldn't allow her to attend, although it was on her fathers weekend. Give her a "special Job" make her the overseer of the signing of the guest book or handing out the favors, make it sound like it is the most important job their is and order her a small handtied bouquet to carry around, that sould keep the peace in the relationship. Best Wishes.
2007-07-19 00:23:09
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answer #1
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answered by Anonymous
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I would think that at ten she really wouldn't want to be a flower girl. Also, I can certainly understand why you don't want her in the wedding if she acted badly in the last one she was in and treats her father with so little respect.
On the other hand, it sounds as though you haven't talked to him about this yet. Before you stress too badly over this, why not check and see whether he wants her to have an active part in the wedding to start with. If he does, then do your best to be graceful about it. After all, this is his daughter. Even if there are problems, that's a tie that's going to last all their lives.
It may also be that a part of her problem with being a flower girl was that she felt she was getting too old for the role. If your fiance wants her in the wedding, consider asking her to take a slightly more grown-up role like a junior bridesmaid.
Being a step-parent is difficult under the best of circumstances, but you aren't going to make it easier by insisting that she not be included in such an important moment in her father's life.
2007-07-18 10:57:52
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answer #2
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answered by gileswench 5
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I'm having 2, possibly 3 flowergirls at my wedding & I figure it's a great solution in case one of the girls gets too nervous or starts crying, then its no big deal b/c the other girls will be there. So, why not have her & your niece both be flowergirls? Then if she backs out or her mother won't allow it, you still tried to include her & you've still got your niece to fulfill the flowergirl duties.
As far as the age issue goes, she may be too old to be a flowergirl so she could be a junior bridesmaid or have some other important part in the wedding. But i most definately think she should be included in SOME way, I mean this is his daughter after all. If she is not included it will just cause problems in the future & continue to damage the relationship with her father (& you). You can't get too caught up in making things "perfect," especially at other people's expense.
2007-07-18 11:43:16
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answer #3
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answered by sunflower 6
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I understand the issue and I think that you should either have 2 flower girls or if the daughter is older, then you could have a jr. bridesmaid and a flower girl or have a jr. "attendant" and a flower girl. An attendant is a younger girl who helps the bride out, etc.
I think that it is definitely important that you include her in your wedding in some capacity- it is a special day and he deserves for his daughter to be part of the day and she deserves it too- as much as your niece does...her mood and actions toward you won't change if she feels left out and she is probably already conflicted because of her mother as you said...
I would say that definitely you need to include her somehow and also take a deep breath and calm down- you havent' even set a date yet! Take things one step at a time and remember what the most important part of this day is: you and your hubby to be!
Hope this helps! :-D
2007-07-18 10:39:27
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answer #4
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answered by shutterbug1410 3
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I don't really think you should be stressed out over a flower girl and especially if you haven't even set a date. Calm down, set the date, and move from there. I personally think his DAUGHTER should come wayyyyy before your neice. If you can't compromise on something as small as a flower girl maybe you need to re think getting married or, have two flower girls. That's always cute.
EDIT****
If she's 10, why don't you let her be a junior bridesmaid and have the niece be the flower girl??? I'm sure your Fiance can understand that 10 is normally too old for a flower girl position. He probably just wants to make sure she is including in the wedding.
2007-07-18 10:30:56
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answer #5
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answered by ♥Ashley 5
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How old was the daughter for the other wedding and how old for yours? Is there enough of a time span that maybe she grew up some?
As for the Mother of the girl not letting her attend, that's soemthing you need to address right now. Talk to her and explain that you want her there if not in the party.
There's no rules saying you an't have 2 flower girls (I did) and maybe having someone as a 'friend' will help the attitude of his daughter.
I agree with everyone else - lose the 'My Way' theme here, you aren't Frank Sinatra!
2007-07-18 10:38:29
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answer #6
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answered by Cory C 5
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Either have 2 flower girls, or do something special, different for her. I've heard of some including the kids in the marriage ceremoney, like giving her a ring too or a special necklace that matches the shape of your wedding rings. Problems or not, you're marrying him AND his daughter!!
So either she can be an actual participant and stand with you guys the whole time, or a flowergirl, a "best girl" and stand w/ his groomsmen, or even a junior bridesmaid.
I understand if she doesnt show, but if she does - you have to make it special for her in some way too.
Good luck :)
2007-07-18 10:36:44
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answer #7
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answered by Tanya 6
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You absolutely MUST include his daughter in the wedding or don't bother having one at all.
She does not have to be a flower girl - at her age a Jr. Bridesmaid would be more appropriate.
Or she could have a special role in the ceremony - a reading etc.
But you MUST include her in a way that makes her feel special. Not in a way that make you happy or comfortable or happy - but HER.
Get over yourself - you sound like a child. Be the grown up and don't be so blasted petty.
She is going to be your step-daughter - and she is WAY more important that your wedding no matter how she treats you. You can never repair any damage you do, so you have to always do and be right.
She will someday grow up - you ARE the grown up.
2007-07-18 11:15:34
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answer #8
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answered by apbanpos 6
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Have his daughter be a junior bridesmaid. She will be the right age for that and won't have many actual duties. Just explain that she is too old to be a flower girl and that bridesmaid would bring you two closer together.
Have her participate in a sand ceremony.
Remember, she is your daughter too now so you will need to build that relationship with her.
2007-07-18 10:48:30
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answer #9
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answered by pspoptart 6
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Well, the "my way" way of thinking is definitely not going to get you very far. Have you talked about it with him? It sounds like you're just assuming he'll want his daughter to do it. Second, how about a compromise? What if you have both girls do it? Then if his daughter throws a fit and doesn't behave, you don't have to worry about it, you have your backup. The biggest thing I can suggest is to sit down and talk to him. Give him options. Don't just lay it down like your way is the only way this is going to happen or be good. That's the surest way to cause a fight between you.
2007-07-18 10:33:16
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answer #10
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answered by lupinesidhe 7
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