I've been with this guy for a few years. I'm sure that I love him very much. I really love him. But I'm just not happy in this relationship. Last time we broke up I felt relieved. We got back together since he is so persistent about our relationship. My problem is that he doesn't love me the way I want to be loved at all. He doesn't have some important characteristics that I wish to find in a guy. I'm so confuse. How do I deal with this? I know nobody is perfect but I don't want to keep feeling this way.
2007-07-18 08:18:26 · 21 answers · asked by Ebony 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
he cant b it then
u shoodnt b confused if he is the real thing
2007-07-18 08:21:21 · answer #1 · answered by poojamma95 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The first thing you need to do is let go of the Fairytale notion that there's such a thing as your "one true love". That doesn't exist. Real love exists, but what you're thinking of is not the same thing. Second, if you're not happy with the relationship and he's missing some of the important qualities you want in the man you spend your life with, then that should tell you something. Now, it's not likely that you will get all the things you're looking for in a partner in one person, but don't settle. If he's not what you're looking for now, there's no reason to believe that five or ten years down the road he suddenly will be the guy you've always wanted. Life doesn't work that way. Personally, I would end it. I would be direct, honest, and leave no room for misinterpretation (persistant or not). Tell him that you're not happy in the relationship, and that you're looking for something more. Make sure he knows that it's not that you want him to change to somehow fit you're ideal concept of what a man should be, but that you need to look elsewhere for what you need.
2007-07-18 08:27:45 · answer #2 · answered by lupinesidhe 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you to a certain extent. I had a very happy, fulfilled life ... but then I fell in love with someone and when I say love, I mean a total, all-consuming feeling of being completely overwhelmed by it. I'd never felt anything like that before and I don't expect to feel it again. Thing is, it brought me nothing but heartache, tears and pain for nearly seven years. It was mental torture almost. We've now split up and it's taken me another year to get myself back together and become my normal self again - almost! I still have the odd day when I'm overcome with sadness, but it's getting fewer and further between thank goodness. I'm just trying to put it behind me, and I'm hoping I will never allow myself to be that vulnerable again. Edit: Wow! Annie, for someone who's only 13 years old, you certainly can express your feelings well! If only there were more teenagers around like you.
2016-04-01 00:19:42 · answer #3 · answered by Heather 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish I could help, but I am in the same situation as well. But it is a 8 year relationship. I sometimes think it is more of an addiction than anything, he is kind of my secure place to go but when I get there I'm not sure I want to be there and I'm ready to go home. It is so confusing, I was treated good by another guy and loved the way I wanted to be once and he still wants me but I can't let go of him, why? I'm not sure of this. I hope you figure things out, because it does really suck feeling this way. Let me know if you find out how to figure this out, sorry I wasn't more help!
2007-07-18 08:30:20 · answer #4 · answered by padros 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you might very well love him...you just might not be IN LOVE with him. I know is sounds like semantics but I believe there is a difference. But when it comes down to it, if he's not everything you want and all those qualities he's missing are important enough to you...maybe it's just not right. I believe relationships are about figuring out what you do want, what your willing to "settle" for, and what there is no compromising on. Figure out if the qualities he lacks are really that big of a deal. And if you felt relieved when he broke up about you, then maybe you don't really want to be there. Sounds like you can do better. Good luck!
2007-07-18 08:23:48 · answer #5 · answered by Katie T 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There was a reason why you broke up in the first place, why would you want to travel down that road again? No wonder you are falling out of love with him, because it is bringing back memories from when you first started going out.
If he does not love you the way you want to be loved, quit torturing yourself, and find someone new!
Your heart and mind are telling you that the second time around for you is not good, get out of this relationship and find someone who will make you happy.
Life is to short, and you are not married, you have to get out and find someone new, breaking up is hard to do, but finding someone else who will make you really and truly happy is easy!!!
2007-07-18 08:26:19 · answer #6 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You love him very much, but maybe you just love him like a friend or something. I don't think he's the right person for you. I think you should be with some one you feel happy with. If this person doesn't make you feel happy at all, and you don't want to feel like this anymore, I'm sorry to say, you have to break up with him. I know it'll be hard but it's the best thing for you. If you keep living your life like this, you'll finally break up with him and regret all those years you stayed with him, and you're gonna wish you broke up with him sooner because you could of lived a better life. I hope I helped..
;Mystery Mandy
2007-07-18 08:26:16 · answer #7 · answered by Mystery Mandy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All love is 'true', else it isn't really love...however you can love someone dearly, but not be a good match for one another.
If you aren't happy in the relationship and cannot work to change things so that you will be, then move on. It's not fair to either of you for one party to be unhappy or dissatisfied.
This life is too short to be in a relationship and unhappy...move on sweetie. You'll both be better off in the long run.
2007-07-18 08:49:38 · answer #8 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think any relationship is going to take a lot of work. You just have to go in knowing what your "deal breakers" are. You said he doesn't possess some of hte characteristics that you need in your mate...are these things that are easily changable? My husband isn't naturally what I'd like in my man, but there are things that he's been willing to alter slightly in order to be more like that person. I have to decide if that's enough to make me stay with him. Also, the things he used to complain about with my characteristics, he's had to learn to deal with also.
Therefore, I don't know if a True Love is someone who is just automatically the way you'd like someone or someone who is willing to change enough without compromising their own needs in order to serve yours. Complicated stuff, I know.
Best of luck to you and your man! Just do the best you can and see how much stuff you guys can compromise on.
2007-07-18 08:24:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Break it off with him. You love him, but are not in love with him. You deserve to be loved the way you want, by a guy that loves you completely. Let him be persistent. If it gets out of hand, get a restraining order and have him arrested for stalking.
2007-07-18 08:25:13 · answer #10 · answered by magix151 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you have a thing for dependence. Lose the guy. Listen to what you're saying: "I'm sure that I love him..."; "I felt relieved".
You're kidding yourself, for some reason or other. You can settle for less now and continue to be unhappy, or you can be realistic about your expectations and decide what will and will not suffice. Good luck!
2007-07-18 08:23:40 · answer #11 · answered by rocken_heimer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋