Is it right that I am so jealous of my mother?

Question

My boyfriend, mother, youngest sister and I live together. We get along well.

I knew my boyfriend had been through some deep depression before but not really any of the details. I figured he would tell me when he was ready. One night, I go to bed before he does (I usually do), but he's out in the living room talking to my mom. I sleep for a bit, wake up and realize it's been about 3 or more hours since, and he's still not in bed - still out talking to her at like 3 am.

I can hear them from the bedroom. They're talking about his past and the bad things that have happened to him. I'm upset because I feel like I should be the one he's confiding in, not my mother. He's opening up to her because she has had similar experiences. I have never experienced deep depression, so I understand they're both looking for someone to relate to.

I feel like I've lost something with him - that she stole something important. Whenever they have long talks I feel edgy. Does anyone understand this?

Answer 1

I understand your point.It seems like he is more emotionally intimate with your mother than you. He probably feels more comfortable talking to her about it because she's older,motherly and has also shared similar experiences. Is your mum aware how you feel. There are two ways with this.The sneaky way is to listen in on their conversations,get the main point and then bring it into a conversation with him(obviously not mentioning you took your cues from your mum) or you could join in one of their conversations. Just because you haven't experienced his problems doesn't mean you can't relate to them and help him. Beware of making any accusations though.Many years ago I made a complete *ss of myself by accusing my then boyfriend of sleeping with my mum,they got on so well and were always talking together,jealousy got the better of me and I blurted out all this crazy stuff.I never saw him again! Be glad that they get along but remind him that emotionally,you should come first!

Answer 2

What youre feeling is NORMAL! I go through this with my kids as well. Im the type of mom that I care about everybody and have had some life experiences as well. But my first concern is my children. If they arent happy, Ive been known to back off from their friends. Its no big deal to me and Im sure your mom wouldnt mind backing off either if you want her to. Just dont forget that shes there and it is not your responsibility to take care of your boyfriends depression.
Good luck, YOURE NORMAL! Go have a great day! Both you and your mom sound like wonderful people!

Answer 3

I understand you. It's possible that your boyfriend is afraid to tell you because he cares a lot about what you think, and is afraid you won't understand. Just let your mom know it makes you uncomfortable, and ask her if maybe he told her a reason for not talking to YOU instead.

(Another way to look at it)
Does your boyfriend have a mother in his life who is willing to talk with him? If not, this could be a huge reason why he is turning to your mom.

Answer 4

Besides her having a common experience, pehaps he fears your reaction to his past, if he has what he considers to be a "dark side." Trust has to be a big part of a relationship, and I can understand your hurt. I think though, if you want to have an ongoing relationship with this man, you have to put those feeling aside, and give him time- he may ultimately decide to confide in you.

Answer 5

I understand, but understand that its also a great thing. Your mother is developing a relationship with a guy you like. Some girls would go crazy for this, rather then a "I hate your boyfriend" attitude.

Answer 6

well tell him how you feel and talk to your mother its goo that he's building a realtion ship with his mother but if want him to talk to you then tell him