when and how can i tell her that i was raped?

Question

I've been with this girl for 3 months now,we're both seniors in college. I'm 25, she's 22. She's been wanting to have sex for the last couple of weeks with me,but I back off everytime she invites me to her apartment. I haven't had sex since I was 16.
when i was 13, i was raped by two female friends. i didn't want to have sex with them, but we did have a bit too much of alcohol. I didn't tell anyone because I would certainly been made fun of. Then when i was 16, i had sex with my gf. she became pregnant, and i dropped out of h.s. and started working full time to support the family. a couple years after, i found out the kid wasn't mine and we separated, even tho i loved the kid alot. and since then, i haven't had any relationships.
And now i don't know how to tell my current gf about my past. I feel very embarrased because i haven't had any for years, because i was raped,and also for dropping out of h.s. and supporting a kid that wasn't mine. so how do I tell her about my past.

Answer 1

this is a question of when not how.
you need to find a time wen you have her full attention and no one will disturb you and begin .
if at any time you feel uncomfortable just back off take your time as for the sex just tell her you are not ready and if she wants to know more she will have to get to know you to find out. you can also sit her down and let her read this question

Answer 2

There is nothing to be embarassed about. Just tell her the truth rather than living in guilt. If she loves you she should accept whatever happened. You have nothing to lose. That's also the reason you dropped out of high school. I feel very sorry for you but I think you're a great guy for taking up the responsibility of supporting the family. You should go on with your life and not live in shame. Maybe you should continue school ?

Answer 3

Unless this is the girl you want to spend your life with (marriage / committment) there is no reason you must tell her about your past. When she pushes the sex issue...just honestly tell her you're not ready yet. However...you have to deal with your past before you can move on with your future, otherwise you will always have issues about intimacy. Rape happens to guys and girls...it's traumatic, but NOT your fault! The to be further traumatized by a woman who led you to believe a child was yours...causing you to leave school...that is HORRIBLE too! You were trying to do the right thing by her and the baby, and what she did was vicious and wrong! As long as you have no STD's from these experiences...I don't see any reason to tell your GF...unless it's something you feel is necessary to share with her right now. If you DO want to tell her...just say that you have to talk with her seriously about something...then explain it all to her. She may be very supportive...or she may not be able to handle it. You know her...I don't. I wish you all the best

Answer 4

It's impossible for a woman to rape a man who doesn't want sex, except anally and you didn't mention that so I have to assume that you meant regular vaginal intercourse. No erection means NO SEX.
If you don't want to be honest about that, how much of this story is real in the first place?

Answer 5

With all due respect mon ami, you had sex with TWO girls at 13(!) and you were raped? I would have given my left nut to have sex with one girl at 13, let alone two.

OK. That aside, you say it was rape; it was rape.

You will need some personal counselling to get over the trauma and you need to tell your g/f. If she loves you she will be understanding.

Answer 6

Look you need to sit her down, and tell her. That is the only way your going to be able to move on in life. Even if she dosen't except it, it will feel so much better. Like a weight has been lifted.

Answer 7

Aww! Don´t worry, just tell her the truth and if she´s worth you she´ll understand. Sounds as if you´ve been trough a lot but the choises you´ve made make it clear that you´re a good person. Really, if she has any brains at all, which I bet she has, she won´t complain!

Answer 8

That sounds undestandable, but if it is something that is heavy on your mind, i would say -> share it with her so that she knows where your coming from. a good person will understand. it also will probably be good to get stuff off your chest and even take the relationship to a higher level.

Answer 9

First of all, do you live in CA or another state that has Victims of Crime Unit? Men, women are both raped.......I was raped.......I went to the Victims of Crime, and got helped. I went to a LOT of therapy and I was able to talk things out, until I understood what I needed to do, what I needed to say..............
It really helps a lot.

Answer 10

This story sounds too odd to be true... if it is, you should talk to a counselor. Ideally, after you tell your girlfriend the truth, you both go see a counselor to work through it.