My mother-in-law has consistently ruined every single family gathering I have attended in the 9 yrs that I have known her! If it's an adult party then she gets drunk and starts crying and shouting.On kids occasions she sits there like the bad fairy making rude comments and generally being unpleasant.She justifies this by saying stuff like "I speak my mind,tough if you don't like it" On saturday it's my son's birthday.I have a small party organised with a couple of his school friends and kids from our street. I can do without the stress of walking on eggshells for fear of setting her off.I just want one family occasion that doesn't end badly. Do you think this is unreasonable.
2007-07-18 07:09:41 · 16 answers · asked by New Boots. 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sadly she already knows about the party. My son told her! I couldn't ask him to lie to her(though it did cross my mind)
2007-07-18 07:25:11 · update #1
two choices really, you tell her straight that she is not welcome due to previous parties that have caused you friction (which in turn the kids pick up on) This is supposed to be a happy occasion for your son and not a battle ground for her to air the fact that she is jealous of the fact her son has married you and cut his apron strings. you can compromise by holding a smaller family tea where he will not nor you be embarrassed by any comments she makes....you being (blunt and too the point and if she don't like it)
Choice two is don't tell her about the party and just invite her too the family tea/birthday party on a different day BUT I KNOW WHICH OPTION I WOULD CHOOSE (1)
2007-07-18 08:00:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How does the husband feel about it?
Does he feel the same about his mom's wet blanket effect?
Does he know about his mom's wet blanket effect?
Perhaps you could compromise and have a kids party for lunch/early afternoon, and then a family "party" where all the adults can come over and tell your little man how big he's grown? (Hide the booze and tell everyone...m-i-l included... no booze allowed.) Even better, have the kids party on the day, and the family party on the weekend! (Day before/after if the B-day falls on a weekend.)
Unfortunately, it's too late to uninvite someone...especially Grandma. Especially if your son loves having her at the party. Now, if you're lucky, your son and husband dread having Grandma over, and you can arrange to dis-invite her for next year's party simply by not telling her where it will be. For example, plan a whole day-out, and talk to the parents a month or so in advance, and ask them to help-out...by paying their kid's admission, and additional expenses (you'll cover the food bill and a -small- handful of game/ride tickets each) such at a water park or amusement park that the kids would like to go to. Or, take the party to the beach and have a cook-out with cake after.
However, that will simply deal with the symptoms...from the sound of it, your mother in law needs some serious psychological counciling!
2007-07-18 08:44:09 · answer #2 · answered by jcurrieii 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No I don't think its wrong for you to want one occasion to go well. Your right I could see how this could "start a war". I would tell her it is a kid party. Not a party for adults. Is there a way to make it a sleep over party to help get this point across. You could even hold a little "family party" separate. I guess you'd run the risk of her getting drunk? Anyway tell her there isn't going to be drinking for a childs birthday party. Tell her if she doesnt like it "tough thats just the way you want it and you don't care who likes it". If you can even pull the party for the kids a few days before or after the actual BD then dont tell her. Or tell her you already did it but it was a slumber party/birthday.
2007-07-18 07:21:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Geez, it sounds like it's time for your husband to GROW SOME DAMN BALLZ and set his mother straight. Why are some men such pansies when it comes to their moms? Like the mother is going to disown them or something? Fine - go ahead! When the 2 of you got married, you instantly formed your OWN little family and that is the most important thing. By him not saying anything, he is essentially putting HER feelings ahead of his wife's AND his son's. It's not right and no MAN would allow that kind of behavior in his home. She is disrespectful, mean, and needs to be put in her place. I don't believe in emotional blackmail, so I would NOT suggest an ultimatum of "either stop acting like this or you won't see your grandchild again" but something has to happen. There ARE ways your husband can sit down with his mom and talk to her without being completely rude or badgering.
2007-07-18 08:05:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If its not too late, could the party be re located, ANYWHERE?
A message goes out to the evil one that this time, its kids day at an arcade or theme park or something. By next year you can plan more things like that and she can get used to sending money in the mail like all the rest of the evil relatives are supposed to do! Weed her out of the loop without her really knowing whats going on. She can get involved in bingo and drink too much over there!
2007-07-18 07:22:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-12-10 15:54:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you just having a kids party? If so just tell her sorry, this is for our son's friends only. If you have other relatives coming you can't really tell her not to come. Perhaps you could meet at a restaurant Chucky Cheese and have a family Bday later.
2007-07-18 07:31:55 · answer #7 · answered by bluebird 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds as though she has a personality disorder.. just ask her not to be sorry a*ss self at the party or you will have her escorted out the door in front of her grandchild. and tell her you don't think that's a good memory for a child to have about his grandmother. she may be an alcoholic. and bring her boos with her. she is miserable and wants everybody round her to be miserable too. next time theres' a get together. try to keep it from her. finally her scorched brain will GET it.
2007-07-18 08:05:26 · answer #8 · answered by joyce s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her point blank that it is you son's day and not her's to ruin, complain, or try and get attention. If she doesn't think she can be pleasant, then she shouldn't bother to come and ruin her grandson's day!
If she can speak her mind and not care who doesn't like it, then why can't you? Maybe it's time for a taste of her own medicine!
2007-07-18 07:33:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does she even know about the party? Unless she lives next door, don't even tell her about it. If your husband is still around, he needs to step up and tell his mom not to show up and give the reasons. You may hurt her feelings, but it's better than having her acting like a fool and embarrassing herself, you and her grandson.
2007-07-18 07:20:48 · answer #10 · answered by lyllyan 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋