His marriage survived (the wife knows all), she has a great son, no contact with the father, but child support regularly. The guy has grown children with his wife. My friend is feeling guilty that her son has step siblings out there and feels her son should know this before he gets too old.
I told her I think she should tell him and also contact the siblings, because what if one day this boy hooks up with a girl that is an offspring of one of the grown children???? That would make him their step uncle. I mean come on - stranger things have happened!
What do you think she should do?
And ,no, we don't live in the south! Ü
2007-07-18 07:07:51 · 15 answers · asked by CluelessOne 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I stand corrected, thanks Janica, you are right I did mean 1/2 siblings - NOT step!
2007-07-18 07:38:08 · update #1
He should tell the siblings and the boy. Not for the reason that you stated but because they are related.
2007-07-18 07:10:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are you 14?
1. They are not his step siblings. They are his half-siblings. Step is married in to the family, half means one parent in common.
2. He's a child, do you really want to explain that mommy was easy and had no honor and slept with a man who didn't really care about her to get him? Do you know how that's going to make him feel? Wait until he is 18 and then tell him so he can make his own choices to contact them or not.
3. It's not your business, it's hers.
4. He's not going to hook up with an offspring of those children because his mom will tell him when he's old enough, so quit borrowing trouble that doesn't exist.
5. No you don't live in the south, you live in stupid land for getting into the situation in the first place.
2007-07-18 14:13:18 · answer #2 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am a child from an affair with a married man. I was told when I was 16 (30 years ago). Yes, I would like to know who my real father is/was, but it is not the most important thing in my life. The man my mother married adopted me when I was 2 and I consider him my father and he always knew that from the time he told me to the day he died last year. I wouldn't worry too much about the possible incest thing happening. Just keep an eye on things. Would I be better off not knowing? Probably, but it's nice to know the truth.
2007-07-18 14:21:45 · answer #3 · answered by pefferlaw2000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a situation that I am familiar with and it is not easy for any of the children involved. My father had a child with another woman. So I have a half brother floating around somewhere. I am 31 years old and have never met him. I am ok with that. My brother had it more difficult than me cause he went to school with him and knew him before he found out he was his half brother.
His other children have a right to know about this child, but they also need to be told with a little sensitivity because, and trust me on this, it is going to almost destroy them when they find out. It hurts like hell to know your father has another child from an affair.
My suggestion for your friend is to have a talk with her ex and his wife. They all need to suck up their feelings for a little while so they can figure out how to sort this mess out and tell these kids in the best way possible. She should NOT tell the other siblings herself, it is something their father needs to deal with.
I almost forgot....the kids should be told when they are adults and able to deal with this information. Not when they are children, its not fair to tell a child something like this.
Best of luck to your friend.
2007-07-18 14:19:29 · answer #4 · answered by Morley 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For a sticky situation, sounds like everyone did basically the right things! I think this becomes one of those, wait till all the kids are 18 before supplying them with contact info for each other and then let them decide, as young adults!
Messing around with a marriage and family in the background had to come with some limits. This is THAT limit for all parties! "It ain't Ozzy and Harriett" (as they said in Raising Arizona)!
2007-07-18 14:15:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that she needs to discuss this with the father (and maybe even his wife) before she tells her son anything. It's not a decision that she should be allowed to make on her own.
2007-07-18 14:10:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
A. She should feel guilty. She was the one who screwed up her own kids life in some ways.
B. She should only tell if the father wants her to.
2007-07-18 14:13:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
she should have thought all this through before getting involved with him in the first place, but history is history, she needs to discuss this with both the father and his wife. its not a decision that she is allowed to make on her own, but yeah her son definetly has a right to know.
2007-07-18 14:13:41 · answer #8 · answered by lita1299 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, your friend is probably just jealous of the wife and wants an excuse to butt into the other family so she can ruin it further. My question is why would you want to be friends with a home wrecker in the first place, unless you have alot in common???
2007-07-18 14:14:47 · answer #9 · answered by David S 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She should contact the father and let him know that she thinks for her kids sake that he should meet and get to know his father and step-siblings because they could possibly meet someday somewhere. And you want the child to live the fullest life possible
2007-07-18 14:11:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋