How do I help my child get over grandma's death?

Question

I have a 8 yr old daughter that just lost my mom,her grandma in Aug of 06'. She is still not dealing with it well. She cries alot about missing grandma and wont sleep without my moms robe at night. It is definatly fair to say that I am not handling things so great either, and I guess I dont know how to help her when I havent been able to help myself. I have never been through this pain before and I need advice on how to help her out of this, before it ruins her life at such a young age. I try to talk to her, but when I do I cry which just gets her upset more. She is acting out more and last year in school she was real withdrawn. I want to help her before school starts again. I have had her see a concelor, but they said it is normal greiving. I see what they dont. The crying at night, withdrawling herself, and anger fits. Please help. Any advice would be great. But please be serious, my daughter is hurting and I cant seem to help her.

Answer 1

My mother died when I was 6. I would have loved a counselor to talk to . I got taken care of by hired maids and losers. My dad worked 2 jobs, trying to pay bills, and we were shuffled all over, molested and finally abandoned by everyone but my dad.
I missed my mother, and was ornery and loud, seeking attention and reassurrance. I got whacked, removed from "polite compnay" and shamed.
Take you and your daughter to counselling. It doesn't mean you are nuts. It means you are sad, and don't know how to get happy again.
It is normal grieving, and by now both of you should be able to function.
She may be using her pain to "manage" other people. Not a good idea.
Do you talk to your mother? Have you written her a letter? What do you believe about an "afterlilfe?" Do you visit her grave?
These help with grieving and incorporating a loss into your life. It is PART of a complete, well-lived life. NOT the whole thing.
My mother has been dead 50 years, and I still talk to her. (She doesn't answer.) I think of her as my "guardian Angel" altho, I REALLY don't imagine she is "out there" somewhere.
I am not "religious."
It helps me feel loved and comforted-something we all need.
Good luck, honey. Give your baby a big hug for me and tell her "gramma Lottie " is thinking of her.
E-mail me, if I can help you.

Answer 2

I think the two of you should see a grief counselor together. Your daughter cannot be expected to get over this/deal with this if you yourself are not. She is still using a pacifier (the robe) and that's not necessarily helpful either. It's easy to send a child to counseling and have someone say it's normal grief but, when the two of you are hurting, she's going to see you as the example and you aren't leading well.

Please understand, I'm not saying you are a bad mother. I'm just trying to get your eyes a bit more open to understand why she hasn't managed this yet.

Answer 3

Take your daughter to a counselor who specializes in helping children deal with grief, and make sure that they will allow you to do some joint sessions also, so you can share your concerns with the counselor, and find out what you can do at home that will help your daughter.

You are the mom, and you probably know best. If you think that something is not right with your daughter, follow your gut and find her help. I find it hard to imagine that ANYONE would say that this level of grieving for a grandparent, after almost a full year, is normal.

Answer 4

There are grief recovery programs just for kids. Check your phone book to see if there are any in your area.

Kids cycle through grief differently than adults. They sometimes seem fine one minute and are basket cases the next.

It is often helpful for a child to create a memorial for the lost loved one. This may be a memory box that contains special items, a letter the child writes to the loved one, photographs, etc. Or it may be a growing memorial like a tree. Or it could be a project memorial, like the child raising money for some cause related to the loved one.

Grief is normal and natural, and your daughter needs to know that. If you have a faith tradition, you may look into that to help you out. (In my family, we believe in heaven and and afterlife, and it is great comfort to my son that he can talk to his great-grandmother whenever he wants to and know that she is hearing him...but, of course, not all people believe in this.)

Answer 5

Try explaining to her that her grandma is still there with her, only in her heart. Tell her when she misses her that she can talk to her and that her grandma will be able to hear her but cannot talk back to her. Explain that she will always be around her at all times. Tell her that her grandma wants her to be happy. Talking to her might help her quite a bit. But as you know, it will take time...and a lot of it.

Answer 6

Salaam, i'm sorry to your loss. I dont understand what your grandmothers dying ability, it ought to intend she has entered paradise or not. Theres no gurantee (i understand maximum individuals dont want to pay attention that). yet whilst she died as a believer, then pray for her forgiveness, BEG God to forgive her sins. Ask God to make her grave spacious, and that the Angels which will question her, are elementary for her. perhaps pray greater salah, and study Quran and do Zikr, so as that your Grandmother is forgiven for her sins. i wanted to share a hadith with you, which you and your loved ones would desire to understand and act upon: quantity 3, e book 31, type 173: Narrated 'Aisha: Allah's Apostle stated, "Whoever died and he would desire to have fasted (the neglected days of Ramadan) then his guardians would desire to quickly on his behalf." quantity 3, e book 31, type 174: Narrated Ibn Abbas: a guy got here to the Prophet and stated, "O Allah's Apostle! My mom died and he or she would desire to have fasted one month (for her neglected Ramadan). Shall I quickly on her behalf?" The Prophet replied interior the affirmative and stated, "Allah's expenditures have better to be paid." In yet another narration a woman is asserted to have stated, "My sister died..." Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: a woman stated to the Prophet "My mom died and he or she had vowed to quickly yet she did not quickly." In yet another narration Ibn 'Abbas is asserted to have stated, "a woman stated to the Prophet, "My mom died mutually as she would desire to have fasted for fifteen days." i think of somebody, or maybe even everybody would desire to quickly on her behalf, the days that would desire to have executed. it particularly is so as that Allah's expenditures are cleared on her behalf. i'm hoping I replied your question. Peace.

Answer 7

that's so sad! I'm sorry! I would have her remember the fun times they had, tell her that grandma is watching over her. Anything positive.

Answer 8

counselor..