How to deal with my neighbor's kid pushing my daughter down?

Question

My neighbor's daughter (5 yrs) keeps pushing children or hitting them. I am not sure about why she does this. Yesterday, she pushed my 4 yr daughter down as they were playing after hitting her on her head. My daughter has minor bruises. This is ths first time this is happening. I told my daughter to let my neighbor's kid know that this is not right and also that she ( my daughter) would not play with the other kid until she behaves. But I am very upset with this and am not sure how to deal with this issue.

Answer 1

Go speak with your neighbor. Your 4 year old doesn't exactly have judgement skills nor the ability to speak on an adult level. This situation must be handled in the other child's home first and foremost. Keep your daughter from playing with her until the mother/father/guardian of the other has apologized and taken care of this issue.

Answer 2

There could be many reasons your neighbor's daughter does this. It would be second nature to her if she has an older brother. You could calmly talk with the mother and take your cues from her whether or not the girl will be dealt with appropriately. To be fair, she's just a kid and probably doesn't realize how upsetting her behaviour is for you or your daughter. More effective than her mother disciplining her would be your daughter telling her upfront that she won't play with her until she stops playing rough. She might just apologize and they'll get along great until your little angel tries something.

Answer 3

From experience I say you need to go talk to your neighbor about these actions. Telling your 4 yr old to inform the 5yr old that pushing her down is not right is like talking to a wall. If your child is honestly bruised take your daughter along with you and show the other parent. Some kids push and hit to show dominance kinda like "Im older and bigger then you". If you saw this then you needed to speak to the child when the action occured.

Answer 4

While I certainly think that kids this age need parental supervision and "refereeing" when there is conflict, it is also appropriate to teach your daughter how to defend herself.

She should know that the appropriate response to being pushed down is to bounce right back up to her feet, look the other kid in the eye and say in a loud, firm voice, "I will NOT allow you to push me down!" She should also learn some evasive movements. One good one is when a kid puts both hands on you to swing both your arms up between them and quickly push outward with the forearms, which breaks their contact with you without hurting them.

A conversation with the mother is in order. It could go something like this. "Our daughters want to play together today, and they need some supervision -- would you mind taking a turn today?"

If the mother wonders why they need supervision (as she should), then you smile and answer, "Oh, you know...your daughter is just a lot more physical than mine and sometimes they play so rough, there are bruises and tears and...well, YOU know..."

She may be stunned to find out that her daughter is bullying the littler kids and immediate take steps to correct her daughter's behavior. She may deny the whole thing, but once observing the kids realize what is going on. She may tell you to toughen up your own child (which the self-defense moves above will take care of).

Or, she may think it's great to be raising a bully, in which case you tell your daughter, "I know you want to play with ___, but I'm afraid her parents haven't taught her manners yet, so we'll have to wait until they take care of that."

Answer 5

I think your initial response was good. You don't want to encourage retaliation behavior. At least not without her life being in jeopardy. I would speak to the parent figure about the bruise. Although, this behavior is abusive and you don't want your child getting the message early on to be a victim. Teach her how to respond without violence and how to stay away from toxic behavior. Instead of telling the other parent; I've also found that you can show the bruiser what they did and let them know you are keeping an eye on them, in a stern voice, with a glare. She'll stop.
Good luck.

Answer 6

If it were me, I would either wait to see if it happened again, or I would talk to the child's parent. If it doesn't stop then don't allow your child to play with her anymore. Some times because you are neighbors this may be hard to prevent, so as much as I hate to condone it, tell your daughter to say "stop pushing me please" and if the girl does it again, tell your daughter to push her back.
Unfortunately we have to allow our little ones to stick up for themselves once in a while to get the message through when the other parents don't help deal with the situation.

Answer 7

Been there, done this.

When my oldest was small we had a neighbor boy a little younger than her that likde to bite. My daughter came in the house numerous times with bite marks crying. It broke my heart for my daughter, but being reasonable, I went to the mother and told her what happened and asked that she please take care of the problem. The mother got really witchy after a few too many visits to her...when she became unreasonalbe and I was fed up with the situation I then turned to my daughter and told her to bite back or knock him on his butt.

We were dealing with a little bully and a mother that was too frustrated to handle the situation, and being an adult, I couldn't punish the child other than to remove my own from playing with him. A lot of times a bully needs to receive what he's dishing out in order for him to understand that that kind of behavior is wrong. Not to mention, by telling my daughter to fight back after words didn't work, was telling her that she didn't have take the bull the other kid was dishing out; I was telling her to stand up for herself.

And I'm not saying violence is the way to go. But our children should be able to learn to stand up for themselves.

BTW, my daughter was so horribly frightened of the bully, that she could never fight back, and the mom didn't care.

Answer 8

My spouse and that i've got a nephew like that and he's ADHD the two his mum and dad are bi-polar and had another themes as nicely. My spouse's mom is now raising him and because he's in no way corrected the nicely suited way he's in simple terms particularly out of hand. He breaks our sons toys and all. have confidence it or no longer he listens to us and behaves completely till his "mum and dad" that are the grandparents are around. some sternness and authority is a extensive help in coping with a number of those toddlers.

Answer 9

I'm not a parent... So myanswer doesn't really count but to me kids are almost like a dog A real loud NO! in a commanding voice and they will learn but right after they do it. May take a few times. Also remember though watch your kids' behavior as well they learn from others and may do the same, or are doing the same. Don't set a double standard.

Answer 10

Number one, tell the neighbor kid to KNOCK IT OFF> Youa re well within your rights to discipline someone else's child-it takes a village and all that.

Number two, tell the mother.

Number three, tell the kid that if it happens again, your daughter won't want to (won't be ALLOWED TO, but tell it to her in a way she'll get) play with her anymore.

But do get involved.