I'm 25, have been with my guy for 4 1/2 years, and living together for 4 years now. I have every intent to stay with him forever. However, I'm just not too excited about an about an actual wedding. He calls me his fiance, but we've never set a date or anything like that. It has nothing to do with commitment, we're just not wedding people. I wouldn't be upset at all to just have it done legally. I feel so pressured to have a "formal" wedding like society says you should. I hate that I'm "supposed" to get married, and then have a baby..etc..etc..
What do you guys think?
2007-07-18 05:55:35 · 27 answers · asked by Jen due December 09 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If you are with your man 4 1/2 years and living together 4 years, why can't you make the step for total committment and get married? What are you afraid or are you just a maverick and non-confirmist that cannot do what society wants. Wouldn't you want to get married and have a family in a traditional manner? You don't have to get married, as society does not command that you marry, but what for instance you live with this guy for 15 years without the benefit of marriage and he cheats on you, and the relationship breaks up. What recourse do you have? Yes, you are married common law which allows you some rights, but he could get around that, and what if he suddenly dies in an accident? Unless he has provided for you in an insurance policy, or a bank book, you are not his wife and you won't get all of his estate and the house you live in unless your name is on the deed, you will get pushed out by his family. His family has a right to a share. So making it legal has good points. Think about it, and don't be so trusting and think that your relationship will last forever. It may and it may not, but you must protect yourself.
2007-07-18 11:47:39 · answer #1 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to have a Formal wedding just chose a few close friends and family even if it is just 4 or 5 people. Then just do a simple court house wedding of have the judge come to you house or any place you want. Then you all can go out for dinner together. As for the baby thing I get that all the time but the crazy thing is it is usually the same people asking. So when some one asks me when we are gong to have a baby I just say " When you give me the money to raise a baby!!!
2007-07-18 06:06:48 · answer #2 · answered by I love it here! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who is pressuring you to have a "formal" wedding? You are. That's who. Nobody gives a royal whit about you having a "formal wedding" except you.
And nobody says you HAVE to have a baby either - just you.
So get married at the court house on your lunch hour. Takes about 1/2 hour and costs less than $50 (depending on your location).
Then go back to work and tell HR about the marriage so you can update your personal info and benefit package. That's important - the stupid wedding ceremony and all that hoopla aren't.
And stay on your birth control until you BOTH decide that it's the right time to have children. Not anyone else.
2007-07-18 06:10:40 · answer #3 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't have a wedding. Just go to the court house in jeans and a tee-shirt. Takes 20 minutes. (or less) No fuss, or stress.
My husband and I eloped to Vegas. Had a great time. His family didn't like it, my family could have cared less. 7 years later we are still married and very happy with no children. Also, as a side note, every family wedding we attend we get thanked by his parents for not putting them through the hassle of a wedding. Strange how opinions change....
In the end, if you don't want to get married...don't. No one is forcing you. The pressure you think you feel is only perceived pressure...it isn't real.
2007-07-18 06:01:33 · answer #4 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't want a formal wedding either. My guy and I will go away to somewhere warm and sandy and get married on a beach. Then come home and have a reception. To me it will be like a big party and I all plan to do is call a caterer, dj and photographer...wear something cute and its over! No brides maids and churches and flowers and all of that. We will say some vows to each other jump the broom and cut the cake and party!
You don't have to do anything. You can go to the court or city hall and do it and it be done. And if people say why no wedding, say its not what we wanted and forget about it.
And if you don't want to get married don't. But your boyfriend might want to. So you have to be considerate of what he wants and maybe come to a compromise.
2007-07-18 06:34:12 · answer #5 · answered by nappyhdfatgrl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of COURSE you don't have to get married! I know a very happy couple who has been together since the 70s. Never married b/c they think marriage is only a piece of paper. If you don't believe in marriage, no problem. And whatever you do, DON'T have a baby b/c you think that's what society or your family wants.
I think it's important to distinguish: Are you just not a "wedding" person or are you not a "marriage" person. If you believe in marriage, but not weddings, you can get married simply and cheaply at a justice of the peace.
Also, please make sure your boyfriend is on the same page. If he calls you his fiance and really wants to get married, while you don't, you need to discuss this! Don't let him think you're going to get married if you're really not.
2007-07-18 06:02:13 · answer #6 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My god, don't get married just because society is pressuring you to do so! This is your life, and you can do what you want to, no matter what anyone else says or thinks of you. Besides, weddings are much more complicated than a simple exchange of vows...it's a huge legal process, not to mention very costly. If you're in love, you're in love...you don't need papers or an exspensive ring to prove it! Relax and stand by your decision. If and when marriage comes for you, it will be at the right time.
2007-07-18 06:01:00 · answer #7 · answered by colormecolorado 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To put it simply, its your life, you can do whatever you want. But bear in mind, its his life too. If he wants to get married, and you don't, that might be an issue. There are also some benefits to being married, like being able to have joint insurance, etc.
Why not just go to a JP and get married? Or elope--go some place like Jamacia on vacation and get married while you're there. At Sandals the wedding ceremony is free if you stay 7 nights or longer. You just need to pay the $200 administration fee for the legal Jamacian paperwork.
2007-07-18 06:00:45 · answer #8 · answered by Ari 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should elope or have a destination wedding. I see no reason for you to spend the money on a huge wedding when you don't want one. You should get married so that you're both legally protected, but there is nothing that says you have to have a wedding. The marriage is way more important.
2007-07-18 07:55:00 · answer #9 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have to say follow your heart, now a days marriages end in a 60% ddivorce rate. If you 2 are really in love and plan on having kids and making life better for the 2 of you then YES. I have been in a relationship for 4 years now, we say that we want to get married but there are always things that hold us back. If you want to get married and you don't want the have the "traditional wedding" then I would have to say go the the court house or to Vegas and get it done. Best of luck to you
2007-07-18 06:08:24 · answer #10 · answered by chris m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋