I am a recent (american)convert to Islam, and I wanted to know how the whole marriage/dating thing works?

Question

Its funny how I post one question about my faith, and all of the "theological superiors" feel the need to throw in their useless 2 cents. Mushrik.......

Answer 1

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim - In the Name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful

Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah. Alhamdulillah, that Allah has guided you to the Light of Islam. May He keep you forever on the Straight Path, Ameen.

Well, if you are looking for a spouse, I would recommend contacting the local Islamic community where you live. Talk to the Imaam and see if there are any unmarried women in the community. You might have to look farther afield, as each community is different and you might not find a suitable lady in your town.

Always remember that to find a good wife you have to be willing to be a good husband. That means knowing your duties in Islam, to Allah and to your wife. This will help ensure that you look for a wife with the characteristics you desire. And if you are fulfilling your duties, such as praying, spending time with the Muslim community, having a halaal income, then Allah will help you find a good wife.

As far as dating, there is no dating as such in Islam. If you find a lady you are interested in, you should contact her mahram, her guardian, to see if she is interested. You discuss with the mahram what you are looking for and he will no doubt have questions for you. If you get past this preliminary phase, you can meet the lady and spend time with her, but you must not be in private with her unless there is a chaperone around. You can go to lunch in a public place, get together at the Islamic center to talk, or go for a walk in a park. You should spend this time trying to learn about her, in a decent and honorable way of course, to see if she is someone you wish to spend your life with.

I pray that Allah will send you a good wife who will help you complete your Deen. Ameen.

Fi Aman Allah,

Nancy Umm Abdel Hamid

Answer 2

It's complex; so here's my opinion (don't know if it's right but w/e):
1. No close physical intimacy is crucial (making out, sex, BJ etc=bad. Handshakes, hugs, peck, holding hands=questionable)

2. Talk should be appropriate (not too intimate in nature)

3. There should be some interest of serious reltaionship i.e. marriage (otherwise she is only a friend)

4. You should never be alone together. (Coffee shop, stores, park etc=should be okay). If you find yourself visiting privately you should bring someone else just in case.

5. Make sure her and your parents approve of the relationship.

6. Opt for a Muslim girl. If not then a good Christian or Jew is fine.

7. Try not to commit any haram around each other

That's about it! Salam and congratulations on your conversion.

Answer 3

i beleive once a child reaches 18 the parents should have no choice in the matter. freedom of choice.
before that is up to the parents.
i thing this is acceptable because too young before 18 to make wise choices but at eighteen the child should be old enough to decide. and since i was once a horn* 16-17-18 year old knowing what i know now, 3 years is a long time and if the parents haven't found you a mate by then, you should be allowed to take matters into your own hands. but unfortunately marriges don't seem to last long anymore so use comman sense and decide what your goals are.

Answer 4

In the Name of Allah, Most Compassionate and Merciful

As-salamu 'alaykum.

Insha-Allah this reaches you in the best of 'afiya and iman.

The following link is a question and answer section that deals specifically with the issues you mention. The answers are provided by some of the greatest English-speaking scholars in the world and their students, who are familiar with life in the West. I encourage you to look through there to find answers.

http://qa.sunnipath.com/search.asp?cmd=search&SearchForm=%25%25SearchForm%25%25&request=Finding+a+spouse&cat=0&index=%22d%3A%5CIndex_Store%5CQNA_Index%22&fuzzy=Yes&fuzziness=1&stemming=Yes&phonic=No&natLang=Yes&maxFiles=25&sort=Hits&HDCat=3

If you have difficulty with the link, just go to www.sunnipath.com and click on "answers." There's a section there about "finding a spouse" that you can click on. Also, free classes are offered there to new converts to learn the basics of what is obligatory for one, etc. by qualified scholars. This frees you from having to listen to everyone at the mosque that wants to tell you to do this, that, and the other.

And Allah Alone gives success. And all praise is due to Allah, Lord of all the worlds.

Answer 5

Dating for the purpose of seriously wanted to get to know someone for marriage is allowed with a chaperone.

Dating in Islam does not go on for months or years.

A chaperone would be a third person who is related to the girl.

The purpose is to take out the temptation for fornication.

.

Answer 6

I wish the Jewish girl Inat would stop trolling Muslim questions and answering with false information. None of her anti-Islamic answers are true, and it is very rude for her to purposefully seek Muslim related questions to spread her lies. Inat, you obviously do not know the first thing about what Muslims believe, as a top contributor you are supposed to be knowledgeable in your subject. I do not degrade your religion, or Jews personally so please stop stereotyping and spewing your hate.

Thank you.

Answer 7

welcome to islam...

we dont do dating, the way it is done is that you ask the girl's gaurdian (father most of the time) for marraige and her Gaudrain then asks her.. if she accepts and her gaudrian accept then it is like a binding contract where you may not ask for another girl and no other man may ask for her... this being said.. then you go to the fiance period... which is sort of like dating but with out the kissing and the taking to bed part she still has to go to her gaurdians house every night... and if it seems like it is working out then you start planning for the wedding on which night.. the bride for the first time does not return to her gaurdians home but yours.. and that is why some parents (parents of the bride) cry on her wedding night cause she, on this night, has a new home....

but must take notice that she CANNOT be forced into it and if you feel that the gaudrian is doing it... then back away .. you will do her good....

good luck

Answer 8

Glad to hear it.

If you want to get to know a person, then you may take her out to dinner so that you two can talk and understand each other.
But lay out any physical stuffs.

Marriage need not be complicated, you can contact your local Muslim cleric for help regarding your marriage.

Answer 9

Sorry to hear this; because I think every human on the planet should relinquish all organized religion. Embrace your higher self! Once done, you will meet a likemind who has done the same.

Answer 10

Not knowing what your gender is, perhaps the following link will be instrumental in teaching you Islam's views on females within the religion. If you are female, you will be enlightened. If you are male, you will learn a new outlook for the gentler sex.