I just found out I'm pregnant, I'm scared to death & I haven't had the time to enjoy the fact that I'm pregnant because my family hasn't been supportive. My bf is happy but we're not financially stable & he's what my family calls 'ghetto'. He's not 100% well educated but he's aware of things he does. I know he's not what people would consider the best choice to be a parent. He has a 3yr old son who is beautiful & he loves him with all his heart. I know he'll be there for our baby in case we end up separating, but still,I love him & want my baby to see a family together,eventhough I know it will be VERY hard to deal with teaching a baby and a 'dad' (my bf). I know it was my mistake,but my mom is really being so negative about this,my sister & dad are just really quiet about it.My parents divorced and have made many mistakes that I don't want my baby to see in me,so I guess they can't tell me much, but I'm just desperate & I feel like I let everybody down. What should I do 2 feel better?
2007-07-18 04:52:09 · 9 answers · asked by Diana 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm 21, he's 22 and we both haven't finished college.
2007-07-18 04:53:39 · update #1
I know we have both been irresponsible. I actually believed I was not fertile so I didn't think I'd have a baby at all...now it's in me and I'm thinking of abortion. I have a lot of pressure on me and the only thing I can think about so everyone's happy is to abort...but I wouldn't be happy with myself. My boyfriend would NOT be either.
2007-07-18 05:39:29 · update #2
Put that fear aside, and just tell your mom. The sooner the better...this is your own life and not hers, you have to learn on your own, & she'll be upset, but don't let that get to you, because fear can kill your spirit, instead feed your inner spirit by blocking negative comments, and feelings of letting people down, the baby needs you to be strong and stress free, and be greatful that you can even have a baby, and that this is truly a blessing from God, think about that for a minute, it's truly an amazing thing!!
Right now things may not look the greatest for you and you BF, but that's just a temporary thing, know that things will change, things, will get better, and that you'll have a great family. Your future is what you want it to be....
People can change and grow, and who's to say that your BF can't be something bigger and better than he currently is, prove them wrong, and most importantly prove to yourselves that you can make this work. It's just the beginning, so don't worry, by this time next year your mind will be on much bigger, better things.
If you still have fear, think about the baby, think about your BF & his son, and love them with everything you got. Think of them when your down, their love will over power thoughts of fear!!
2007-07-18 05:11:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. There are so many people here who like to "judge" others when you are here asking for advice. I would like to say that to anyone who left you a negative remark, did they first look in the mirror and say with 100% certainty that they have NEVER made a mistake? I think not...
Now, on to you and your situation. I too was in the same boat years ago with certain family being supportive, and the BF ran away as fast as he could so I was on my own. I would recommend calling the local Planned Parenthood. They do not judge any girl who walks through their door, no matter what they have done. They will be able to give you advice and point you to support groups for single, young mothers. The can also explain to you what happens when you have an abortion and they can tell you where to get one. That choice is the hardest decision you will ever make no matter what you decide. I will not say anything about your BF except that you should prepare yourself ahead of time and just plan for the "worst case scenario" that he does not decide to stick it out with you (at that point you will need to make an appointment with family court office for child support - trust me on this. Get it through the courts!!!!!!! No excuses then as to why he can't pay you each week. Then if he doesn't pay on time each week he goes to jail. Sorry to sound harsh but just going by my own experience)
As far as your family, all I can say is do not point out their past mistakes to them. There is no reason to do that. This is about you and your life now and your decisions. No matter what you decide, hold your head high and let everyone know that like it or not, you are doing what you believe in your heart is the right decision and to please respect your choice. Do not feel desperate and like you let them down. This is NOT about what they think or feel. Focus all of your energy on yourself and the baby growing inside you. This is your life and you will get through this situation and will be a much stronger person for it!
If you are going to keep the baby (this is what I did) GO TO COLLEGE! You will qualify for financial aid, and daycare help so that you can attend classes. Get yourself educated so that you can raise your child the best that you can. Trust me on this yes it is hard and you will be tired but you can do it because I did!!!!!!!
DO NOT feel like you have to "teach" the BF...if you have to do that then perhaps this answers the question of what type of man you are with?
2007-07-18 13:00:25 · answer #2 · answered by PrincessOfFun35 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be completely honest about what you're going through with your family. Thumbs up on you doing what's best for you and your baby, and a big thumbs down to whoever called you stupid. You're not. You made a choice that may have some not-so-desireable consequences, but a child is a blessing no matter how it is concieved and who concieved it. You will live, learn, and move on. No child is a mistake in God's eyes, remember that.
2007-07-18 12:07:13 · answer #3 · answered by GLSigma3 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You and your boyfriend have to sit down and be very honest with each other. Mainly, is he going to be there for you? You and your boyfriend have to be at least 110% committed to each other for this to work. Do not depend on outsiders (family or friends) for help or support. If they offer, great. You now have your own family to worry about. Your parent's responsibility was to get you ready for this while you were growing up. Try to learn from your parent's mistakes. Figure out what you need and set goals. Find out what your weaknesses are and improve on them.
2007-07-18 12:24:43 · answer #4 · answered by pefferlaw2000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the first thing you might do is take care of you.
your family will come to accept the pregnancy in time. you have put yourself under a lot of stress, because of your family's reactions, and that's normal. but, you can not undo this so if you can accept your family's feelings for now, in time things will get better.
your boyfriend is obviously irresponsible, since he already has one child, and hasn't used protection when having sex... since he can't afford the first child! what is he going to do to support this one? he isn't thinking clearly, and not a good choice for a husband... in my opinion.
people who are financially unprepared for the potential outcome of a sexual relationship, don't need to be having sex... simple as that....
yes, he is young, and there is a possibilty he will be successful and able to care for a family someday, but right now he is ill-prepared.
please take a lot of time about any marraige decision... it could be a disaster if you marry.
everyone makes mistakes, and life goes on. i still say take care of YOU... you are number one!
2007-07-18 12:02:25 · answer #5 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your desperation is borne out of not knowing what's in store for you or that you've been putting yourself down coz of uncertainties. Live on a moment to moment basis. You're blessed with a child. It's you and your child's lives basically and mainly, not anyone else's. Help comes along the way.
2007-07-18 12:17:11 · answer #6 · answered by wind m 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would go and get a abortion, dump that guy and go to college. Your parents are completely right to not be behind what you're doing because it's a terrible mistake that you have made.
2007-07-18 12:16:12 · answer #7 · answered by eviltruitt 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
being a parent is scary but, just remember there is a little life growing inside of you and that little life needs for you to take care of you and if and when your family comes around so be it! just take care of you and that little one. just a little secret families get mad but when they get to meet this little life there is no way they stay mad! god bless and i hope everything works out!
2007-07-18 12:15:25 · answer #8 · answered by jnc 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's not for us to suggest what you should do. Ultimately it'll be your decision, so weigh the pros and cons in your head, and do what it is that your gut instinct tells you to do.
2007-07-18 12:01:10 · answer #9 · answered by mz_neemarie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋