How and when should I intervene with unsupervised, misbehaving children I observe in public?

Question

In general terms: You are in a public place. There are unsupervised children. They are misbehaving... something more than simple mischief but less than blatant criminal behavior. What would you do? What should you NOT do? Would you have them tell you where they live and take them there? Would you call the police? Would you locate other adults to help you? Would you mind your own business? A generation or two ago this wouldn't be an issue... all adults were regarded as parental figures for all children. But today?

[My recent scenario: I came across three siblings (age estimate: 6-14) in a public playground that was adjacent to a jogging track I was using. The older brothers were aggressively bullying the younger sister. There were no parents or other adults supervising these kids. I did intervene, but as a grown adult MALE (with no children of my own) I had concerns about getting to close to strange kids in this sexual-pervert predator-fearing world that we live in.]

The bullying WAS physical… but I would not go so far as to say it was an assault. The children were also in swimsuits and playing on both the playground AND in a swimming lake… which made the situation even more uncomfortable for me. I spoke in firm words to the boys to knock it off and so forth with the “teachers voice” (I call it a “command voice,” same thing I guess)… and I notified security when I left (it was a private “neighborhood association” park in an unincorporated, rural county) but I did not call the Sheriff’s Office.

Inquiring the boys as to “Where is your mother?” is something good to remember for next time.

I tend to get worked up some times when I see behavior that I think “isn’t right.” I have no illusions about changing the world but if I think to myself “somebody should do something” then I feel foolish if I stand by and do nothing. Part of life, I guess. Thanks for the responses.

Answer 1

This is an excellent question...personally, I'd approach the kids and ask them where thier parents are. Chances are you'll get a negative response back but, atleast it will distract them from their current task (hopefully long enough where they will find something else to do). If they don't stop and you don't feel right about just walking away...call the cops. I wouldn't call 911 unless it is a real emergency, but if you think that someone may get hurt...there is nothing wrong with alerting the local law enforcement.
By the way...in all of this interaction...do not touch the kids. It is unfortuneate that you can't pull the kids off of eachother, but unless someone is going to lose an eye or be killed...it is not worth be accused of something that you didn't do.

Answer 2

It is always appropriate to step in when someone is being bullied. In your specific situation, I probably would have walked over to their general area and said in my best "teacher" voice "Hey guys, that's enough, leave her alone." And left it at that, no matter what they replied or said. Usually that is enough to call attention to the behavior not being appropriate and to stop it too.
I once said something to a mom who was bullying her child. She got very indignant, but stopped the behavior, which was my intention. I also realize that sometimes, when I am out I may not always be the perfect mom with my kids. I hope that people would say something to call attention to my behavior if that is the case. And if my kids ever misbehave while I am not around, I feel that a word or two from an adult to get them back in line would also be OK.

Answer 3

You should call authorities. But NEVER approach the children yourself. You're right. As an adult (especially a male adult) you put yourself in a situation to look like a predator. And if the children are unsupervised, you never know what they might say to keep from getting in trouble, even if it's a lie about you. So, I would just call authorities and say that there are some unsupervised children and tell them what they are doing.

Answer 4

In that situation, as a mother, I would absolutely intervene. I agree that it would be a bit taboo for an adult male with no children to address the situation though. But I think it's something for all adults to remember that today's children are tomorrow's future. No matter who you are, if you have one single ounce of compassion for the wellbeing of children, you should step up and say something when you notice something is wrong with the picture you are witnessing. In this particular situation, the mother obviously didn't care what her children were up to, so thank goodness SOMEONE was watching!
But definitely, I would aleast go up to the children and remind them that their behavior is wrong. Just a simple, "Hey, do you really think that's a good idea? What would your mom say if she saw you right now?" And of course there are always going to be the snotty kids who say, "You can't tell me what to do..yada yada.." But you can say back to them, "No you don't HAVE to do what I say, but I could also get the police to help me contact your mother and we'll see what she has to say about it."
Either way, I don't think that we should turn our heads when we see kids behaing badly or endangering themselves with no parent present. If my kids walked down to the park and were being naughty without my knowledge, I would hope a nice passerby would say something to them. Then they would know the same behavior that's not acceptable in our home isn't only not acceptable in our home, but also not behind my back either, that someone is always watching. I think it would make them think twice before they tried to get away with something.

Answer 5

As a parent myself (who would never leave my kids unattended!) , if the kids were mine I would have wanted you to go to the security people you spoke of. They could have called the parents if they needed to and maybe scared the boys enough to not want to harass anyone anymore. The security people aren't much of a threat, but to a kid, the uniform may have scared them a bit.
Even "good kids" tend to act out in public and as a parent you have to be firm, yet not so much that someone else might think they need to intervene. The ONLY time I would step in when a kid is acting out is if I thought they were in danger or endangering someone else.
I think you did the right thing overall.

Answer 6

Sometimes I've just struck up conversations about something totally unrelated, which is not a crime and you can not get in trouble for. I might say "Do you know where the nearest Burger King is? Have you seen a man with a green hat and red shorts walking around? Is there a school around here?" Just random stuff to get them to stop doing whatever they were doing, asked in a friendly tone of voice. Lots of times they start chatting away. I'm careful not to get too close and not ask personal questions. Once they know someone is sort of watching them, their behavior usually changes. If one of the kids looked like they were in distress, I might say "are you ok? Do you want me to call anyone for you?"

Answer 7

We recently had the same type of thing happen to us at an amusement park when we were waiting in line. There were three kids, two boys and a girl, and the girl was being just horrible. She was really hitting and pinching one of the boys. We ended up not doing anything because there were so many people around and nobody was doing anything. I know it sounds like mob mentality, but you never know these days. I did see the kids later that day with their parents, and guess what? The little girl was just as bad then!

Answer 8

In your scenario, you did the right thing. Not being supervised by parents does not give children the right to act like complete, violent idiots. I'm sure the younger sister was grateful. As long you break it up, and tell the kids to move along, you've done your part. No sexual innuendo at all.

Answer 9

you may desire to attain that parenting is tough. extraordinarily no count number if it particularly is a small new child. in maximum circumstances, we are damned if we do, and damned if we don't. If we improve our voice or punish our youngsters in public, we are undesirable mum and dad, and we could hardship if somebody called the CPS...then if we don't human beings think of we are undesirable mum and dad reason we aren't doing lots. individually, I even have 3 toddlers decrease than 4. Grocery procuring with them is a nightmare. They cry and scream for any little concern they want, and that i ignore approximately them, and tell them that as quickly as they might ask precise, i might get it for them, yet till then, no. we are additionally on a good funds, so many of the time, I basically be in a position to pay for to purchase what we want, and can't cope with to pay for $5 juices, or goodies. After a whilst, they supply up crying, yet interior the propose time, i'm getting nasty seems. and that i additionally get nasty seems as quickly as I've had it, and carry my voice to them.

Answer 10

That's a tough one. I worked as a public school teacher, so sometimes I find myself speaking before I think. I have that "teacher voice," so the kids usually listen!

Normally, I don't think it's good to intervene - and it's never appropriate if their parents are present.

In your particular instance, I might say something like, "Does your MOTHER know what you're doing right now?", but I wouldn't intervene more than that.

I was on vacation in New Orleans and we were walking past a group of field trip kids. They were in line and the teacher had her back turned when I saw a kid step out of line and push another kid. The "schoolteacher" stepped in, and before i realized where I was, I said, "Get back in line right now and keep your hands to yourself." The teacher heard me, turned around, and started laughing. THEN she sent the kid to the end of the line.