"Be Yourself"/"Nice Guys Finish Last"?

Question

First of all, I've never had a girlfriend, and I'm going off to college, so I need help answering these two questions.

Everyone out there says "be yourself" when it comes to interacting with girls. The problem is...if I have to "be myself," then she's probably not going to like it. I'm not bad-looking, and I'm extremely intelligent, but I am usually VERY serious. I understand that girls like a guy who makes them laugh...and I don't make people laugh, and I rarely laugh myself (I'm not depressed or anything, I am perfectly content with life). What's your advice?

Secondly, I would describe myself as a "nice guy." I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, or do anything dishonest, and I believe in total purity before marriage. The problem is, I'm looking for a girl who would feel the same way--someone who has a very rigid moral code and basically never does anything wrong. Am I doomed from the start? (By the way I am Christian. But many Christian girls are very hypocritical...)

Answer 1

Being yourself is key to you finding someone. There are girls that have the same type of personality that you have and you will probably see many of them at college. If you start acting differently you will find a girl that is incompatible with your personality and eventually there will be a bad breakup.

Answer 2

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Whew! I wish I was going to say something really encouraging, and, actually, I am, but not before saying some things that are going to be hard to take.

"Everyone" is right, that you should be yourself. The problems with NOT being yourself are obvious. You get some poor girl to fall in love with a guy that you aren't, and then once you're all cozily trapped in a permanent relationship (marriage, or whatever) your true nature emerges and it's not the guy she fell in love with. Everyone is doomed. This was not my own experience, but I've seen it played out countless times among my friends and acquaintances.

So, although it may put off some women, be your intelligent, serious self, and there will be women out there who will be attracted to you. They may just be hard to find, at first.

In terms of nice guys finishing last, there is some truth to it. As a "nice guy," you sit back and see what appears to be every woman in the world throwing themselves at guys who are CLEARLY bad news. And then they (the women) don't understand why these relationships end badly. They make statements like "I don't understand why I can't find a nice guy." Well, it's because that's not what you have been looking for.

The good news is that it does not stay this way forever. It has been my experience (and that of many other guys I know) that women get to a certain age and suddenly begin to appreciate normal, decent, good-looking, hard-working guys like you and me. Although I went through LONG dating dry-spells in my 20's, by the time my 30's came along, I was suddenly surrounded by women who were coming out of long-term relationships with the "wrong" guy and discovering that I (or someone like me) could possibly be the "right" guy.

Being now in my 40's, and having dated around a bit (with a horrible marriage in-between, let us not discuss it) I can say that the same is still true. There is no shortage of women who are looking for a nice, stable, hard-working guy. We may not jet around on motorcycles with cigarettes dangling from our unshaven faces, but we provide everything that women always SAY that they want. Eventually, they realize that if they actually look for the guy they claim to want, they will find him.

So, the answer is, be patient. Don't get bitter. Study hard. Work hard. Keep yourself in shape. Invest your money wisely (of which, being highly intelligent, you will make a lot), and keep an open mind. The right woman will someday come along. Heck, in your 30's you will probably have to beat them away with sticks (fingers crossed).

Good luck!
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Answer 3

First of all, you dont say how old you are. Just because you're about to go off to college, you could still be quite a bit older than most college freshmen. In which case, you really are a loser.

You're making me laugh. I dont think I've ever seen such a loser on here.

If you really want a girlfriend, have you ever heard of www.adameve.com ? They sell inflatable "girlfriends" as well as silicone "parts"

If you're such a nice guy, maybe you should take a friend's of mine advice. Find a girl that you really like, ask her out & bring along 7 or 8 bottles of Boone's Farm & let nature run it's course. If that doesnt work, you could put her in your car & go for a quiet ride in the country. When you get out in the middle of nowhere, you stop the car & tell her "This is a "here-after" date" When she asks what that is, you simply tell her that if she's not here after what you're here after, then she'll be here after you're gone. Then if she doesnt put out, put HER out & go back to town & order you an inflatable gf

Hope this helps. Really i dont really care, I just hope you read it all

Answer 4

Your church is an excellent place to find a compatible person. Attend services, and look for someone who seems really dedicated. Find someone who is very involved in what is going on and doesn't just attend a service now and then... based on your questions, this would be an ideal match for you. You could work together on charitable/community events.

As for not making people laugh, there has to be something you really find amusing... You don't have to be the life of the party to have a great sense of humor.

Since you are super intelligent, why not start a study group and invite some girls you think you might be interested in?

Just food for thought...

Answer 5

I tell you that the main thing about this is not trying too hard (i.e. feeling obligated to have a girlfriend). A man must always be upfront about "this is who I am, take it or leave it." There are a lot of options out there and anyone who merely settles out only to have is limiting himself.

Everyone has some sense of humor. The key, one may even say blessing, is finding one who recognizes your sense of humor for what it is. Intellectuals often express humor in subtle ways that are literally "over the heads" of others. Even so, intelligent, imaginative women do exist.

Answer 6

You are NOT doomed forever, don't worry. You just need to put yourself out there. Yes be yourself and be nice, but don't be weak. There is a difference. Make decisions, and be confident with them, and don't let anyone give you crap. Seem strong, and nice, and you are good to go. Also, loosen up a bit. You never laugh???????? Have some fun for once in a while...........

Answer 7

Hate to tell you but ALL women are hypocritical.They all say that what is inside that matters and that they don't go for guys because of looks. Then the funny thing is they all say they want a guy that treats them good but they hook up with abusers and never leave them. So good luck with finding any woman with her head on straight.

Answer 8

I think that if you're not yourself, people will use you. You really don't want to be with a girl who doesn't appreciate you for you. If most girls don't like you or consider you "boy friend material" that's not your fault, good for you for standing up for what you believe in. Hey, you sound like a great guy to me! Reading your question I can completely identify with you and your problem. It's hard to find guys like that out there, most people think I'm wierd for the same reasons that they think you are, too.

Answer 9

Good luck, dude... I'm somewhat similar, but I actually make people laugh all the time. But I haven't had a date since my senior year of high school, three years ago. Here's an article you can read though. It's so true, it's scary...haha

http://www.stwing.upenn.edu/~jenf/writing/rant04.html

Answer 10

Girls like serious guys too. My bf makes me laugh sometimes yes but he's serious too. Nice guys don't always finish last my friend D. is a nice guy and has himself a nice girl.