Do you think your parents have told you everything about your family or you?

Question

My father found out long after his mother had died that she had had another baby boy after him, who had died shortly after birth. My father used to believe that he knew everything about the family and we used to get into quite heated arguments. While my cousin only found out in adulthood that his mother had been married and divorced before.

Answer 1

That must be really tough. I'm sure my parents haven't told me everything just like I was talking to my Grandmother last year and she said something about my mom and dad living together before they were married and I was like "What?". And there are other things that I know about but don't have any details, I think they mostly are trying to protect me from things I don't need to know, but at the same time, when it's your family, I think you have a right to!

Answer 2

I'm hearing you. Your family considers gossip normal, everyday give and take. They are so small minded and petty that they get their kicks from getting all up in everybody else's business. I've always thought it's so they can judge adn feel superior if they can dwell on other people's problems, short comings, choices, etc. You appear to love your folks and don't mind their knowing your affairs. So sit them down and very lovingly say you are grateful that you trust them enough to share your thoughts and your life with them, but that you feel that they violate that trust when they take your private thoughts outside the house. Make sure that they understand you don't believe they mean to hurt you, but that, however innocent their comments may be, they hurt anyway, and that you are afraid you will lose the closeness and safety you feel with them if they continue putting your business out in the streets.

Answer 3

I believe every family has it secrets that are better left in the past, and many that should be common knowledge. For whatever their reason they feel they are protecting the family name, no matter how small and silly it may seem to keep private.
There is always someone in the family that will tell all, just think about who that would be and go to them. They just love to give the dish!

Answer 4

Familys should try and put the sordid past behind them and move forward, especially when children are involved. From what you've said, you and your family are in great need of professional counselling to help let things go. I found out late in life that my Mom's dad was an abusive bastard, but that was so long ago, and I needed to move away from the anger about it.

Answer 5

I had a phone call last year from someone who turned out to be a half sister, she is only 2 weeks older than my eldest brother.
Both of my parents are no longer here to ask about it all.

Answer 6

We all have secrets that believe shouldn't be shared ever or at least until the right time comes along. You have to respect those involved and not give them a hard time for disclosing a part of their live that they don't want to reveal.

Answer 7

I only found out a couple of years ago that a man who commited suicide at an outdoor swimming pool in Bexleyheath in Kent, was my biological grand-father. As a kid, we all knew about his ghost there. Creepy.

Answer 8

these are things i wouldnt be to conserned about.....family secrets are not intentionally i dont think so .... i think sometimes people forget. Now i could see if it was that someone was a rapist, or killed someone, something significant like that. but something like having another baby or being married and divorced isnt something that should cause pain in a life.

Answer 9

I only found out in my mid 30s that my maternal granddad had a false leg! He was involved in a bus accident and lost it. I always wondered why he walked with a limp.

Answer 10

no way. my mom told us everything she knew but my dad either didn't know or decided it wasn't important enough to tell us. while doing our family tree, my sister uncovered a few skeletons. kind of interesting really.