How would you answer this question?

Question

My 12.5 year old daughter was watching TV and asked my why some people give their babies up for adoption. I'm pregnant with my 3rd child and she's excited to be a big sister again, but couldn't understand how someone could give up their baby. I tried to explain to her that sometimes girls/women get pregnant and can't raise their babies and give them to families that can. She thought that was cruel and couldn't understand how a mommy couldn't want her baby. How would you have answered this question so I sounded like it was the best thing for the baby? It really seems to be bothering her now. Any ideas on how to best explain this to her would be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

I think you were on the right track with your answer - just expand upon it a bit more. Give her some examples of why a person would give up their child - raped; too young; not physically or financially able to take care of a child, etc. Explain to her it's not that a mother doesn't want her baby (although there are some who honestly don't), it's just that for whatever reason she's not able to (too young, has no support from family, drug or alcohol addicted, etc.) but the mother is smart enough to know that even though she loves her child, the child would have a better life if a loving and stable family adopted it and raised it as their own. Explain to her that it's not an easy decision to make - one of the most difficult a mother could make. It is hard for a child who is in loving and caring family to understand this but I think you gave her some good information. Just keep the lines of communication open. Good luck (it sounds like you've got a wonderful daughter).

Answer 2

A lot of young girls who get pregnant live in environments where is not safe to raise a baby. They want their baby to have a better life than them. This is a hard decision for them to do and it breaks their heart. There are teens who are forced to give their babies up b/c their parents feel this is best. Do I agree, no but that what happens. Some women feel that they can not properly raise their child and choose adoption. Then there are the ones that just are cruel and don't want anything to do w/ children. You can tell your daughter you understand how she feels. Let her know that these children are going to have a better chance at life. It's better for them to be adopted than to be in home where they can possible be abused. For those cruel mothers out there, there is no answer as to why they are this way. Some people just have no heart. It's good for the child to be far away from these types of people.

Answer 3

Tell her there are some cases where the mom just can't do it and it's best for the baby. It's not that they don't want the baby, it's that they know the baby is better off with someone that can provide for them. Maybe the mother is making minimum wage, single, in a one bedroom run down house and the people adopting the child are rich, or a family, and it's a better situation for the child. The mother is giving the child a chance at a life she never had and couldn't give the child.

Answer 4

Tell her that sometimes women *do* want their babies, which is why they give birth to them, but that they can't properly take care of them (for many different reasons like they have no money, or they do drugs, or other things), and so give them to couples that can. Tell her that for those mother's it's a big sacrifice on their part since they're giving their baby up so their baby can have a good life. Many of those women always think about their babies and miss them a lot, but also know that their baby is in a great home with adopted parents who love them too. Also tell her that many moms are opting for open adoptions these days where the birth mom stays in contact with their baby and their adoptive family so that the baby has the best of both worlds.

Hope this helps!

Answer 5

Ask her what she would do if she had a baby and didn't have any money to buy it food or clothes or diapers and that condition wasn't going to change in the foreseeable future. What is in the baby's best interest? No matter how much she loves the baby (or perhaps _because_ she loves the baby) what should she do? How could she best take care of the baby under dire circumstances?

Let her know that the mother is thinking of what's best for the baby, and sometimes that means making difficult decisions.

Oh, and you might also mention that there are some families who desperately _want_ to have and love a child, but are unable to have their own. By giving up her baby, the mother not only does what's best for the baby, but also is able to help others.

Answer 6

Reinforcing that the mother's DID and DO love their babies very much would probably be the first step. She's not too young to understand the concept of sacrifice so perhaps asking her if she had to give up all of her toys and belongings just so her siblings could have a good life, would she do it? She'll more than likely say yes. Then ask her if this was something she would actually want to do instead of something she had to do? She will probably answer that it wouldn't be something she wanted to do but would do it if it was necessary.

Thus, she actually does understand the concept of sacrificing something you love, something you want very much for the best reasons.

Tell her that birth mother's DO want their babies but often are in such bad situations that they cannot afford to take care of them and tell her that the greatest sign of true, pure love is sacrificing what you really want for the betterment of someone else. These mother's love their children very much and it is because they love them that they seek an adoption for them so that they can have a better life.

At 12.5, she's also old enough, in my opinion, to start seeing how there are certain situations in life that are not fair and are not the best living conditions. I took my niece with me to hand out Thanksgiving and Christmas meals to the poor and homeless when she was that age and it really helped to show her that not everyone has the advantages that she has.
Best of luck!
Peace,
Jenn

Answer 7

Tell her that it's not that some mommies don't want their babies. Instead, they want the best for their baby, and sometimes that means not living with her. Living with her would have meant that the baby would have been hungry or lonely or just not raised as well as a child should. In another home, a mommy and/or daddy would be able to give this child everything the biological mommy never could. It's an act of love, not cruelty.

Answer 8

You could switch it around and tell her, "If you were pregnant and had no money or a way to feed the baby, wouldn't you want your child to have the best life it possibly could? You love your baby, but your love can't feed it, cloth it. There are a lot of people out there that will love your baby as much as you that can give it a better life. Just because you give your baby up, doesn't mean that you don't love it, it means the opposite. It means that you love your baby so much, that you want it to have the best life possible."

Answer 9

My brothers are adopted. And our parents always told them, that their biological parents gave them up because they loved them so much and wanting the better life - kind of what you said.

The one thing I would change though is putting it all on the mom.

Also use it as opening to talk about being responsible, and not having babies when people arent ready. Even if you dont think she ever would, this talk she could also share with friends, and be a good role model for, since many girls close to her age are already having babies.

Answer 10

if you dont believe in God, than this may not work for ya...but maybe you could tell her, "sometimes two people love eachother very much but they cannot have a baby, so when God sees this, he gives a baby to someone else that can. Then that person, gives the baby to the couple that couldnt have their own. So those people really arent bad people, they are actually more like angels that God sent to help the other couple." maybe something like that with some revisions if you'd like.