HELP! My pregnant friend is drinking/smoking?

Question

My friend is really depressed. She is 16 years old and 15 weeks pregnant, they wont allow her to get an abortion because its "too late" (according to the law) and she cant afford to buy an abortion pill its about 600 bucks. She got pregnant by accident her bf was told he cant have babies because of an operation he once had but after a year of them having sex she suddenly gets preggers!!? its really wierd.
But she doesnt know what to do she's panicing and she's drinking ALOT because she wants a miscarriage. I dont want her to hurt herself, she says she doesnt want to give birth and that she will kill herself if she doesnt miscarry. Her boyfriend wants the baby but he cant take care of it he's young and his family members are assholes. She doesnt want the baby because she knows she wont be able to raise it and it will have a horrible life and she'll feel guilty if she gives it away to go on not knowing his/her mother. Im ok with it, i'm Prochoice and i know noone is willing to help...

Her boyfriend and I really dont want her to kill herself we are worried. This may sound horrible but what are ways she can miscarry so that she just doesnt kill herself? Dont tell me something sick like use a coat-hanger or something I am serious!! If you can give me any other alternatives for her to change her mind PLEASE share, I'll give best answer to most helpful. Be honest and dont give me useless information, PLEASE HELP!

P.S: IF I TAKE HER TO THE HOSPITAL, SHE HAS HER INSURANCE CARD AND EVERYTHING, HER BOYFRIEND IS WILLING TO TAKE HER AND STAY THERE ALL NIGHT, BUT WILL THEY NEED HER MOTHER OR WILL THEY FORCE HER TO TELL HER MOTHER? SHE SAYS SHE WONT GO IF HER MOTHER HAS TO KNOW ABOUT IT (i know she is being difficult. her mother will not be very nice about it though - she hasnt been understanding or supportive)

Answer 1

Smoking and drinking isn't going to give her a miscarriage. It's gonna make the baby born defective! Why did she wait so long?! What a shi!ty predicament. She should get the money for the abortion pill. She'll be spending that much on cigarettes and booze. Someone has to lend her the money. Are her parents involved? She should ask them for the money, or better yet, get it from the babydaddy. She can borrow a little bit here and a little bit there. That's the only solution. RAISE THE MONEY. She has to have friends and relatives who can pitch in. Maybe it's cheaper on www.drugstore.com. Man, I feel bad for her. The daddy should help her raise the money and soon. And call the library, ask for reference. They can tell her who may still do an abortion. It's not THAT late. -L

Answer 2

Your friend does need help, is there a mental health office near you, a county one? It is very clear she doesn't want the baby but harming her self to get rid of the baby is awful. Have anyone talk to her about adoption maybe? At least a isea of a door for her. She really needs to speak to a therapist and if you have a county mental health near you it will cost very little to nothing for her to speak to someone in a "safe place" right now no where is safe for her, please don't take offence that that it is just where he mind is. If people are riding her like mad right now it is going to make it worst. She is drinking because the pain and the problems go away then, however when it wars off it hits her in the face again but a little harder each time.

How does the boyfriend feel? does he want the baby? That could be a huge part of her stress he wants it but she don't, that is hard on any relationship. But one that that is very important she needs to know the two of you are both on her side, for her best interest so she doesn't feel like the two of you are ganging up on her. If you get her to talk just listen, don't ad your thought or beliefs that will make her feel what is the use you don't understand. Ask her what she wants and offer to help her get that that point, if adoption is it then help her with all the details. With your support and love tell her that there ae open adoption where the birth mother is always somehow around and gets pics and ect. My best friend had to give her son up 6 years ago and she visits him several times a year and gets pics and phone calls, she feels very happy with her descion. That might be a way for your friend to go and she can see over time the child grow and be happy.
Do some reasearch on the web on planned parent hood and open adotions. Your friens might stop the drinking and all if the stress that is on her shoulders right now was gone. There are so many ways out there for her and the help she needs.
Good luck

Answer 3

Okay, I'm not proud of this in the slightest, but I smoked all throughout my pregnancy. I tried to quit so many times, but I just couldn't. The best I could do was cut back. I felt so horrible about it. I was so worried about what it was doing to my baby, but for some reason, I continued to do it. I suppose it was pure selfishness on my part. But I got incredibly lucky. My son is 4 months old and as close to perfect as they come. He was born November 4th, 2010 at 7lbs, 7oz and 20 inches. He has absolutely no medical problems whatsoever. Like I said, very lucky. I thank God every day for this amazing healthy little boy, who, by the way, just started rolling over about 3 days ago! lol. I'm fully aware that this is not always the outcome for women who smoke during pregnancy. I'm truly blessed. I honestly don't think that smoking 1 cigarette a month or even 2 a month is going to hurt your baby. Some of these people's comments are just rude and unnecessary. Ignore them. You seem to be doing everything right for your baby. I mean, besides those three cigarettes. You're gonna be an amazing mama. Don't stress about it. Your baby will be perfectly fine. I wish you the best of luck on the rest of your pregnancy. And congratulations on your sweet little peanut!

Answer 4

a child is a blessing she should step up to the plate and handle her responsibility. people have babies everyday and im sure someone will be there for her. if not in the end it will only make her stronger and proud of her accomplishments when her baby smiles at her. That is a life inside of her waitin to see the world she had her chance to see the world and what is it worth ? an abortion? i think that your friend should really reconsider an abortion. smoking and drinking is not to say that she will miscarry smoking and drinking can really harm this child i would rather have a healthy baby than a special baby any day not sayin that i would not love them the same but i am sure that it takes a lot more care to raise a special baby which she is risking.

Answer 5

I think you need to take her to the hospital asap. You need to report this. You also should tell your parents what is going on. If you are that worried about your friend then you would do what is right for her and the baby and take her to a hospital so they can try and help her. She needs more help then you and her boyfriend can give. I don't want to see anything bad happen to her or the baby (if it isn't already to late). If you did try to abort her baby and she dies along with the baby you will have more problems then her acting like that. Now that you are in a grown up situation that would be the responsible thing to do. She is still going to need help with the long term as much as the short term of all this going on with her.

Answer 6

Time to get the adults involved - seriously. DO NOT attempt to make her miscarry - in some places, that can be seen as assault or murder, so that would just be digging the hole deeper.

Tell her that alcohol will NOT make her misscarry but it CAN damage her baby so that when he's born, he'll have all kinds of medical problems. Plus it can cause her serious legal problems, including jail time.

If her boyfriend wants the baby, and his family is willing to help him support it, she should let him have the baby once it is born.

Why does she assume the baby would have a horrible life? She could do very well wih it - she is, however, in a serious state of depression right now.

If you refuse to go to parents - who are going to find out eventually, BTW - then take her to a hospital, explain what is happening with her and they will get her the mental help she clearly needs.

Answer 7

Your friend and her family need to consider the fact that if she does carry the baby until term it will most likely have severe fetal alcohol syndrome and will need costly, around the clock care and never have a "normal life" she may be depressed and she should definitely seek emergency counseling but drinking and smoking, especially at that age while pregnant is not going to solve her problems. Get some clinical help for your friend. You may feel like a snitch but be a snitch with a friend who is still living. Search for 24 hour hot lines in your area and keep trying until your friend is under the care of a doctor and/or has some kind of track to healing these issues in her life.

Answer 8

Try to calm her down and tell her you support her and you will be by her side. Talk to her on the phone or go to her, do NOT leave her put of your site. If she's drinking she may get so emotional and do something horrible like really kill herself...

i'll try to search something on the internet, hopefully an alternative to miscarry but something helpful - hold on.

Answer 9

it may not be what you want to hear sweetie, but your friend needs to be in counseling NOW! There are no safe ways to self induce miscarriage. And your friend might want to think about the smoking and drinking not killing the baby, but making it disabled or retarded. She is pregnant and will have to find a support system starting with a counselor, maybe you guys can help her set it up??

Answer 10

You need to get her some help before she hurts herself. Look in your phone book for the number for 1st call for help they can direct you on who to call.