What to do about a mother in law to be who thinks she needs to run my wedding/reception?

Question

She is telling me what it should look like, what kind of food, decorations, songs, even jewelry I should have in it.

I was listening to her the first few days when she gave advice but now she is telling me what to do and trying to run over my ideas, she booked my dj which I dont mind that cuz she got him cheap, but that was with out my permission.

My fiance and I moved in with her a couple of months ago before we told her we were engaged because her health is deteriorating. She asked us to move up the date so she would be healthy enough to see it, well we moved it up to september when we planned on April.

Since I live with her this is going on several times a day, but I want to seem nice, but not have her control it. I need to be as nice as I can because she is unhealthy and too much stress can put her in the hospital. But the things she is wanting us to do is just stupid.

Here are afew more examples. The first suggestion she gave was a cathedral gown, but I really wanted to go with something less informal. But to please her and her son, I went with the cathedral gown, but in a plainer design.
She bookmarked the m&m's site you can order to get them personalized, well she did it on the order page where she had it ordered out to have our names, but the order hadnt been paid for yet, she wanted me to use my credit card and get it.
She thinks I should have everything accented yellow cuz I have a yellow bouqet, but I told her the accents were going to be italian colors cuz of my heritage, she told me I was an idiot for not coordinating the reception with my bouqet.
Seriously this is enough but I dont know how to talk to her about it without her gettng stressed. Her parents spoiled her until she was 50 when they died, so I believe she thinks the world revolves around her, and everything has to be her way or its hell.

Answer 1

Tell her she has so many good ideas you want to keep track of everything better. Print out a piece of paper that says "Wedding Ideas" on the top. Tell her that whenever she gets an idea, you'd like her to write it down. Then, you and your fiance will look over the list and decide which ones you can afford to do or would like to do.

That way she'll feel heard, you can pick one or two things from the list to keep her happy, and the wedding will still be the way you want.

Answer 2

If you are paying for the wedding you have final say . The best way to deal with that politely is as a couple. keeping Mom involved is obviously going to help. Treating her as a consultant and making it clear that all of her "help" and advice are really appreciated but the final decisions are up to you even if they seem stupid to her. Guests don't remember the details. They enjoy the time with family and friends and having happy times together. Sounds like the next time they get together it might be at the hospital or for a funeral .The trick is to be inclusive while setting your boundaries. Your future hubby is probably hurting over his Mom being ill . Just by being sensitive enough to ask this question I can tell you'll be able to work through this with him gracefully.

Answer 3

Your fiance needs to talk to her in private. If,,well,when she does give another suggestion say, "I like that idea I will keep it in mind". You can write them all down in a notebook in front of her too. My next suggestion is to say, "well, I will have to see if that can fit into our budget" and you can write it down also. Dont be afraid to say that some ideas are "just not going to show your personality and style. You want everyone to feel your heart and soul when they are celebrating your happiness."

Maybe you should not be with her so much, this takes the opportunity to tell you things away from her. If need be, hire a home health aid. Insurance usually will pay for that. Be kind and Good Luck.

Answer 4

well i don't know how old you are or your monster in law but she is trying to make it memorable for the two of you and finds that she needs to step it up due to she might not be around to long . The three of you Your soon to be husband and mother in law and yourself need to talk tell mom that you love that she is excited to be a part in this wedding and making sure that everything is done but you also have a vision for your special day and before anything is bought or money is spent on anything you would like to know what is going on and you are open for ideas but you have the final say so in all the matter. also say thank you when she helps and finds the item you been looking for and a cheep DJ also you might want her around to find a limo an what not sounds like she can talk people down on prices and she shops around. but be firm and fare this might be the last event she helps on to plan.

Answer 5

Oy! Is your marriage going to be fun. It might be best to have your fiance lay down some rules here. I'd say for you to do it yourself, but that's a big old can of worms that's been opened, and having your fiance make the approach may tell you a lot about how things are likely to be after the marriage. Remember, you can still flee right up to the exchange of vows!

Answer 6

She sounds sad and pitiful. I would give her a check list of things to keep her busy each day. Ask her to research certain info for you or get prices for something or call to confirm reservations and orders. Keep her involved and busy and if she steps out of those boundries, then I would tell her that although she has been a great help you have it under control and will let her know if you need her help again.

Answer 7

Her being sick is not an excuse for you to be a doormat. You should deal with it the same way many brides do- just be appreciative of her "ideas", but firm in what you "are going to do". Say it like you mean it. Also, give her a task (something you dont care about) that is all hers, and she can run with it any way she likes.

Answer 8

who's getting married here? it's your day right? she's already giving out way to many ideas! it's your time to take over now. besides this is your memory in the making here! years from now you don't want to be telling your children "look at this picture, the wedding dress your grandma picked out for me matched the shoes she picked out perfectly!" this is your day to be a princess, step up and make this an event that's all about you and future hubby's taste and style! good luck!

Answer 9

Do you realize this is an indication of how your married life will be?

Is this the way you want to spend the rest of your life?

You really need to sit down and speak with your fiance.

Answer 10

kindly, KINDLY explain to her this is your wedding day, not hers. while you appreciate her ideas, you have your own vision in mind. ask her if she would like to do something, a specific task so she can feel as if she is participating, but it is your idea.

do not shell out out cash for things you do not want. if you do not want these m&m's (don't get them, huge waste of money) then do not pay for them.