...my BFF and I talk all of the time about her situtation. I tried to see it from all sides, but, now I know their mom is manipulating them. I have visited (a lot) and this past weekend when they were over to our place for a BBQ, they seemed to be happy, played with our kids, and with their dad, but, they were distant from my BFF. She is a sweetheart and has never said anything bad about their mom. Yesterday, my BFF called to say that the mom called and spoke to all of the kids, they all went into another room, and when they hung up, they kept quiet and started acting strange. Does anyone have any suggestions for me to help? I love them all, but, I am running out of ideas and I am starting to want to avoid them all...
2007-07-17 15:55:38 · 5 answers · asked by LaraLara 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Unfortunately for her there is no answer. I have been in this situation, and it is called parental alienation. The mother is feeling jealous and insecure, as the kids have probably always said how much fun your friend is, and how much fun they have when they are with her. So, the mother has to sabotage it. Just tell you friend to hang in there. Eventually, the kids will see what their mother is doing, and what goes around comes around. Her children will resent her for putting false thoughts into their heads about their step mother.
2007-07-17 16:00:49 · answer #1 · answered by Lee B 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was in the same situation. I have been with my (now) husband for four years and he has a son from a previous relationship. When I met him (the son) he was only 3 and things were good and we got a long great. Then the mom started to make things harder and manipulating my step son. He would tell me "you're not my mom" "I don't have to listen to you because my mom said so" things like that. It went on for about 3 years. Now my step son is 7 and he really enjoys being around me. Things just turned around on there own. It used to hurt me that it seemed my step son didn't "like" me. I think once they get older they realize what is going on and they fix it. For example, my step son's mom is married to a different man and she wants him to call her husband "dad" and my step son said "not until I can call Kerri mom." She won't allow him to call me mom but expects him to call his step dad, dad and he realizes and told his mom that it isn't fair. I thought it was really sweet of him and it meant a lot to me to hear that from him. I don't mind that he doens't call me mom and I don't want him to because I am not his mom and I wouldn't ever want to take the place of her or make him or her feel like that is what I am trying to do.
So I guess my advice to you would be 1st maybe she should try talking to the kids about what's going on and also call the mom and have a friendly conversation about what she is doing is jeapordizing the relationship between her and the kids. If that doesn't work, hopefully just waiting it out like I did will work. How old are the step children?
2007-07-17 23:10:50 · answer #2 · answered by kerri_lynn01 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The children have a natual loyalty to their mother. For kids, it's black and white. They have a mom and they have a dad, and those are the people they trust and love. When people tare apart their marriage, they give their children reason to distrust them. Not wanting to distrust their Daddy, and not wanting to distrust their mommy, the distrust falls on the most readily available person...which happens to be your BFF. It's not like a school situation, like a teacher who is nice. This is a woman who is kissing THE DAD who belongs with THE MOM. Kids see it like this. Even if they are teens, it's just not natural for the immature psyche to reason how this is 'okay'.
If you are so ready to judge a woman you have never met, I believe too, it is in your best interest to avoid them.
2007-07-17 23:22:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your best friend needs to confront the ex and have a serious chat.
how is she meant to teach the kids right from wrong and to respect people when their mother doesn't?
2007-07-17 23:22:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to mind your own business. The children's father should be working to help her with a relationship with his kids. If he's not, then you might want to suggest that she ask for his help. And leave it at that, you need to stay out of it.
2007-07-17 23:08:29 · answer #5 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋