my dad got killed a month ago. how do i cope?

Question

my dad was killed in a motorcycle accident. i have recently found it so hard to cope with. every where i go it reminds me of him.at friends house i suddenyl start crying and they think somethings wrong with me! what should i do?

Answer 1

Losing your Dad is horrendous and about as traumatic as it gets. What others said about healing, time for grieving and going through the process is SOOOO right. But you will never get over it; that would be to forget him which you do NOT want to do; he was obviously a very important person in your life. My Dad died in 1974, 9 days before Christmas. There was an album out at the time (I'm a musician, so music really affects me) with a song that was called 'Genesis'. It had nothing to do with a Father/Son relationship, but for some reason it opened the flood gates one morning when I heard it for the first time. I mean like, wailing! It scared the hell out of my wife! But I noticed that after that was over, the pain and tightness in my chest subsided a little and I could breathe and go on with the day. I used that song often after that to help me let out the pain (I was uncomfortable about crying, being a MAN and all) and it worked every time. That was almost 33 years ago and to this day, when I hear that song or even more intensely when I play it myself, it gets me misty.

I say this to tell you that you are in a very painful period now (stating the obvious) but with time it gets better until the burn becomes a dull ache that you keep with you. It will be soothed by a flood of fond memories at some point when you allow it to, and you'll be OK with it; you'll understand. Just 'suddenly cry' all you want and anyone who looks at you funny is an a'sshole who you don't need to be around!

Answer 2

Sami,

I am very sorry for your loss and there is nothing wrong with you. You are grieving. Your allowed to cry for your dad as it is very normal and natural for you to do.
The only thing you can do is try to keep yourself occupied as much as you can and cry when you need to cry. A friend or family member you can talk to will help you through it too.
Let your friends know if you start to cry suddenly it is VERY normal because you are still grieving for your dad.
You will never stop missing him, but in time it will become much much easier. When I was 21 my father passed away. Its been 10 years, and sometimes I hear a song, or notice my son has a trait from him, and I get teary eyed still.

Answer 3

I'm so sorry about your Dad. Grief can be overwhelming. Especially with losing your Father so suddenly. Friends don't really fully understand unless they have lost someone very close to them. There are grief support groups for kids through adults, where they pair you with others your age who are going through the same thing. I highly recommend you call your local hospice and ask them what grief counseling programs are available in your area. They are usually happy to help you even though your Dad never required hospice services.

I lost my Mother last year, it is so hard. Try not to define your Dad by his tragic death, but instead by how he lived his life, the relationship he had with you, etc.

I honestly believe those that leave us are always with us. I'm sure your Dad is looking out for you. It's okay to cry, grief can be very toxic if held in. Again, I'm so sorry about the loss of your Father.

Answer 4

first of all let me say my heart goes out to you and it will get better.. but remember its only been a month.. ... my cousin was killed in a motorcycle accident 6 yrs ago and over time it will get better but your wasnt that long ago... cry whenever you want ... your friends should understand.. they probably just dont know what to say or do ... go to the library and find some books on losing a parent.. that will help a little.. and pray

Answer 5

Nothing is wrong with you, you are grieving. People are uncomfortable with crying, grieving and mortality. Really, what can anyone say to you that will ease your pain right now? Nothing, there really isn't anything. Time will have to heal you, be patient.

If people are uncomfortable, let them be. Tell them you are very sad that your dad was killed, and if you need to, leave. Otherwise don't be ashamed to grieve, and ignore them.
I am very sorry for your loss.

Answer 6

What is happening to you is normal especially since you have lost your dad. I think only time will help you cope with your loss. I hope you start feeling a little better soon. Best wishes....

Answer 7

I lost my mom in 2003 in a different way you lost your dad, my step dad killed my mom and killed himself, and I still cry over her. Yours in fresher than mine is, but my point is, is time does help. I couldn't go to my mamaw house after she died, b/c of the memories, but now I can. Dont worry about what they think of you, and if they think something wrong w/u, tell them to kiss your butt, cuz honey you have ever reason to be upset. Pray and ask God to help, I promise he will.

Answer 8

my son died when he was 4 months old. every time a saw a mother holding her baby i couldn't help but stare.I'm sure i made many women uncomfortable, and then one day i didn't do that anymore. your loss is fresh, give yourself some time. your friends should understand why your "weird" right now, and if they don't, who cares? crying is medicine for the soul.

Answer 9

aw,
my sincere sympathy for you
the only thing wrong with you is
you are grieving. There is nothing wrong with crying
my prayers go to you my dear. As far as they are concerned
they are not going through this,

While you are going through this you will have flashbacks reminders, that are painful now that your father is gone.

Answer 10

my mom passed in 2002 and i still think of her every single day and sometimes cry for "no reason" i think that your pain will get easier to deal with over time but it will never go away..