Do you want to forgive someone but find it hard to?

Question

Please refrain from preaching that those who do not forgive will not be forgiven by God... Share your personal experience please. Thanks.

Answer 1

My husband married me only to get citizenship (he is from India).
when he left me he was sure to spread many, many lies about me to ensure I had no window to say he used me and get him deported.
he left me and the kids with $30,000. debt, NO food, and he took every penny from the bank. I had nothing, and I mean nothing.

that was when I lost faith in Church, I never lost faith in God or the bible, but the Church was useless, and that is a different topic.

needless to say i want to forgive him, but I am finding that very difficult. I think what makes it harder is I have 3 kids, how do you leave 3 kids like that? what did they do to him? I sent the kids to thier grandmothers house for a few days and got back on my feet. then he came back and decided he wanted to work things out, then I found out that was a lie too because INS told him he had to stay in this marriage for 5 years, and he had a year to go.
that is also another story.

so yes I can not yet forgive him, and I honestly dont know how to forgive him, andwhen God gives me peace I allow the devil to take it away because I feel very used.

Answer 2

When I am faced with a situation where it is difficult to simply "forgive and forget", I,by an act of my will,forgive the person,before God and confess such to Him.The accompaning negative feelings(hurt,anger) may or may not be released at this time...God is interested in the
"act of obedience"in forgiving... the positive feelings that are often associated with forgiveness are not equal to forgivness and may surface at a later date.

In other words,the act of forgiving from the Christian perspective is obedience to God..an act that is determined in the heart. New and positive feelings are an extention of God's grace.

Forgiveness is an act of will not a forced feeling.(Very Important point)

EDIT Exellent question,by the way.

Answer 3

Yes their have been times where it was very hard to forgive someone because of their exploitation to antoher person. It made me so mad, but I had to forgive them. It was eating me alive. I was becoming very ill and had to give up my self righteousness. I didn't have to accept the sin or acts that they did, I just had to realize they are conditioned souls dealing with the material energy, and who knows what they had been through in their life to become like that. So I had to some how muster up some compassion for them. (but not accept their wrong doings at all.) this is an art of balance I must say and takes years of practice for the stubborn minded like myself. I am much better at this and continue to surrender my attachment to Heavy judgments upon others who I consider hypocrites or exploiters. Bhaktivedanta Prabhupada says "Forgive or how can we live." Peace to all.

Answer 4

Sometimes, oh yes! I know in my heart that if I would just get over it and move on, I would feel better, or I THINK I would feel better, but truth be told, I tend to dwell and turn it over in my mind and wonder why he/she did that to me or whatever. Sometimes, if you could just get an apology out of them, or at least an acknowledgment that it happened and it was wrong, it is much easier for you to forgive and move on. At least try to forgive. Some things are really just unforgiveable. And I also think it's a lot easier for people to tell you to forgive and move on, who have not had whatever happened to you happen to them.

Once bitten twice shy.

Answer 5

Even as a Christian, yes I struggle with this at this very moment. People in my own family I am struggling to forgive. I am human, I am sinful by nature. However, I choose to work with God on my forgiveness for these people. My flesh says to forgive them is letting them off the hook for the pain they have caused me...however, my spirit which is governed by the Holy Spirit Himself guides me to release them for the sake of all of us (including myself). See my spirit understands that forgiveness is about allowing myself to be free of the burden of anger, but my flesh could care less. This is a constant struggle, for any one...even Christians. And if Christian...or anyone even outside of the belief in Christ...says otherwise, they are not only lying to others, but themselves as well.

Answer 6

Forgiveness is something most people find hard. Because if you forgive someone, it means they are off the hook and all is forgotten. Repeatidly being hurt by someone and having them hurt you over and over is what I am personally afraid of. But, it is necessary to forgive so we as people can move on and better our insides. Spring cleaning our souls is one of the best medicines to stop sicknesses.

Answer 7

I have no problem, most of the time, forgiven people that have done caused me problems mainly because they seldom if ever really know that you harbor ill feeling towards them and therefore you are the only one hurt by keeping these hostile feelings to yourself - let them go and live a better more entertaining life.

Answer 8

I have been molested and raped when I was 8 years old, I do not want to forgive him for what he did to me and I could care less. Even though he is dead, I will hold this grudge against him until the day I die. I will NOT forgive him even with my last breath that I draw.

Answer 9

Ghandi was a wise observer. He said that forgiveness is a quality of the strong, not of the weak.

If I would, therefore, wish to be strong of spirit, I must practice forgiveness truly in the depth of myself.

Answer 10

Get your mind off of it. Try not to keep rehashing it over and over. If you think about positive things rather than the hurt and anger that you are feeling, you will eventually forget it, but it will take time.