I've always had problems with my family, for as long as I can remeber. Then again, my family is kind of messed up. My sisters were always mentally abusive, putting me down when ever they could, even into my adult years. They are just mean people I guess. Most of my aunts, uncles, and cousins are either addicted to drugs, alcahol, or ofted, both. Some women in my family seem to think that pedophiles are ok, and dispite their childrens claims, and the police investigations, refuse to believe their children that her boyfriend, or husband, has molested her children (regardless of his past record). The only person I seem to care about in my family is my mother, who is a sweet, caring woman who just wants her children to get along. I dont think we can.
I moved away from my family, across country and do not have contact with any one but my mother, even though she keeps trying to get me to talk with my family. My question is,
Have I done the right thing for my self by leaving?
2007-07-17 13:55:32 · 18 answers · asked by Ayana 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I do keep in contact with my mother, I call her almost ever day. She is the only person I DO keep in contact with. I had tried talking with my sisters about their behavior, but they did not seem to see it. I love my mother very much, but the rest of my family are just... I can not even think of a word that fits them.
2007-07-17 14:02:53 · update #1
Some one mentioned my father... heh... I stopped talking to him years ago. He is addicted to many drugs, and was over all neglectfull through my entire life.
I am in a much more positive place now, I live with my fiance, near his family who I adore and cheris. I am much happier than I ever was with my family. It feels good to know that so many people think it was a wise decision.
2007-07-17 14:06:35 · update #2
I am comfortable with the fact that I left. I am glad that I left, and I have a wonderful new family (my fiance's family), who love me. His parrents are like the parrents I always wished I had. Helpful, comforting, loving.
I guess I asked because I was talking on the phone with my mother and she started crying. I hated it, but I was firm. I was not going back. I will pay for her to come visit me, and I will visit her on occation. But I will not see my family.
Thank you every one who answered. I really, and honestly appreciate it.
2007-07-17 14:15:51 · update #3
Yes! IF they are not willing to change or acknowledge that they are hurtful towards you, you are better off without the abuse. It may take a while to come to peace with your decision because family is highly valued in society, but a family needs to be healthy (or at least only semi-dysfunctional) to be valuable to all members. Seek professional counseling to help work through your feelings and expectations (as well to learn about "healthy family dynamics").
Take care and good luck
2007-07-17 14:02:52 · answer #1 · answered by JDF 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have done the best thing for yourself. If it makes you feel better EVERYONE has someone in their family addicted to something. I have yet to see a Beaver Clever household. Getting away from it will keep you from falling into the same things, it was the best move you could have made. Try not to worry about the way they live their lives. They are going to do what they want no matter what you say, they will think what do you know you live across country. Good Luck and congratulations, you don't have to put up with it.
2007-07-17 21:24:09 · answer #2 · answered by SAS 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can never try more than once to change people because they never see it your way. You just have to live with that fact and live a happy life away from their influence. Don't surround yourself with drugs and alchohol because no matter how strong you think you are to resist these things in time they Will start to rub off on you and lead your mind in directions it shouldn't go. Do try to comfort your mother and use each other to lean on through all this.
2007-07-17 21:23:34 · answer #3 · answered by livy 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you have not done anything wrong you have to do what is right for you . I have done the same with my family and I have do what is best for my kids. If you are making a better life for yourself and they are drug addicts, pedophiles, etc. Love your mom . I would do what is best for you and do not make yourself feel guilty b/c you want to be a better person and have a good life.
2007-07-17 21:01:36 · answer #4 · answered by Monnie 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Despite your mother's wishes, you have to do what's best for you. If you surround yourself with negative people, it tends to rub off on you. Getting yourself out of the situation seems like a smart move. Explain to your mother that you love her and your family dearly however you're not in a place to deal with all of the negativity that surrounds some members of the family.
2007-07-17 21:00:54 · answer #5 · answered by KoKo 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you have.
Putting distance between you and your family will make your day to day life easier, but in the long run your just putting off what needs to be done.
Confront your family either one by one or in a group but you need to do something.
The abuse alligations are a good place to start.
Child abuse CANT be ignored. Get proof of it and report it.
It may be to late to change the adults lives but, its not to late to save the kids.
2007-07-17 21:05:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know whats best for you. And it sounds to me like your family all has their share of fairly abnormal problems. I think you did good to get away from it. Where abuse and addiction seems to run in your family...i think its great you are escaping it.
If you wanted to gradually start talking to your family i think that would be ok...but you really need to make sure YOU are ok with it. Dont do it just because your mom or whoever wants you too. Do whats healthy and good for you.
2007-07-17 20:59:26 · answer #7 · answered by blackned_wings 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you are better for it overall, then yes.
You might want to drop your mother a line every so often, though.
Additional: Concerning your additional details, if it is at all possible to bring your mother and your mother alone out for a visit, then you might wish to consider doing so. It might hurt to then let her go home again afterwards, but the time together for both of you might seem worth it.
2007-07-17 20:58:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Depends on how you look at it. If you're all about helping the world be better, maybe your life and your views could help them. but if they were having an awful affect on you then, perhaps it was OK to get away. Either way, you should remember your mom gave birth to them too. You're choices may be better but you're from the same parents.
2007-07-17 21:02:19 · answer #9 · answered by brk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you did. You still keep contact with your mom, so at least you can count on someone in your family. If you feel that leaving was the best thing then it probably was.
Good luck.
2007-07-17 21:06:44 · answer #10 · answered by Dalia 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋