i have 3 sons who live at home ages 18, 21 25 the problem is that i told them that i needed help paying the?

Question

bills, so i decided that i give each of them a bill to pay, instead of paying rent, they still complain we argue so much about this is tearing me up, i don't know what to do at this point the 18 year old gets ssi and by law am suppose to get some of it for a bill but even he has started to give me a hard time, am a single mom w/ a 13 year old and a grandson am raising it's very tight at home, i try to let them et away with not paying at times my 21 year old just started working so has not put any money intill the house but when he does work i tell him he has to pay something he mopes but at the end he pays, what should i do to keep the stress of all this money issues, all we do is argue and argue am real sad about all this because i don't want them to think that all i want is there money i just want them to contribute to the house bills.

Answer 1

your the mom and they are used to taking advantage of you. They are adults now and they need to help. Don't let them fall intot their teenage habits of moaning until you give in- keep on them about it.

Answer 2

Get the bills and the budget together and show them that unless they help out there is not going to be a place for their grown behinds to lay about and not help. Tell them that even with the help you are asking it is still far cheaper for them than if they had to get a place of their own. Tell them that if they do not help out you must have a home for the child and for yourself and if they will not help you then you must ask them to leave so that you can rent the rooms and get the money you need so badly. Stick to your guns, give them a time frame like a month to start chipping in. Let that month pass and see what happens. If they do nothing you come back and tell them they have a month to move so that you can rent out the room since they are reluctant to help you. When that month passes and nothing has changed, you make a change. You change the locks and have their stuff packed and put out of the house. They will survive and if they realize that you mean business they will either help you or they will move out. Then rent the rooms and meet your bills.

Answer 3

OK, so I'm 23 yrs old and I've been living on my own since I was 19 yrs old, I have a house, husband, kid, car, full time job, and college courses.. my brother was kicked out of the house when he was 19 for disrespecting Mom... when I say 'kicked' I mean all his crap was thrown out on the lawn and the locks changed. What does he have to say to Mom now? Thank you, I really needed that.. Your kids are grown and they need to start acting like it - kick them out of your house!! Give them a time limit to get out, and let them know that they are adults, the house is in your name and if they haven't left you will call the police to have them escorted off YOUR property. They could all three get an apartment together! Oh, and it's not a problem when you ask three grown men who live under your roof that you need help paying the bills!! Tell them to pay up or get the F*** out!

Answer 4

Your ADULT sons should be paying you rent....PERIOD. So, figure out a weekly amount, and they pay or they get out. Sorry - but you've got to teach these kids (no, adults) about responsibility. They can pay you each week (probably less than if they had their own apartment) or they can go get an apartment on their own. They need rules....you are their landlord. They needs jobs and they need to pay rent. Not each pays a bill, each pays the same amount of rent per week. That way it's fair to everyone.

I just realized you say you want them to pay but then you try to let them get away with not paying.....so, 1st step is you decide what the rule is going to be. Sounds like you haven't made up your mind. You need to make the decision that they have to pay and you need to stick to it, otherwise they'll know they can get away with not paying!

Answer 5

Well you know I am 21 years old and my mom and dad use to have the same problem with me. I don't know if I can help much, but it's always nice to hear from the other side of the table. (as my parents would say)
I know your children mope, complain, or seem unappeciative at times, but they only do these things because they are actually learning. Sometime we learn things we don't think we actually need to. You see all those times my parents taught me things at times I didn't want to learn, made me who I am today.
I know sometimes when we do these things to our parents it makes them sad and stresses them out to the max, but at that time and at those stages we don't realize it. Some times we learn slower on the more important things.
Don't let there moping make you feel like you are taking their money, making them miserable, or just being mean----Your teaching and molding them in the right direction. As my mom and dad would say "Mom and Dad won't always be here to cover your butt".
So let them be mad, they will be thankful in the long run! You are being a good parent.
[I started out that way, and now I am on my own with a great job, a great home, a great man, and I am a smart woman - all thanks to my life lessons from my parents]

Answer 6

Nilsa, I understand your plight sooo much. What you need to do is get all household expenses, loans, utilities, car payments, insurance, cable tv, medical, taxes, car tags, pet expenses, gas/car repair receipts, everything, I mean down to the toilet paper. Price it all out on a sheet of paper.
Put your fixed expenses(ones that are the same every month and are long term, rent car insurance)in one column and your others in appropriate columns.
Then put your income in columns, YOUR-18year old-21 year old and 25 year old, all in separate columns.
Have a family meeting set down at the table and show them what is going out versus what is coming in! You are not a wizard, you can not conjure up money out of nowhere, they need to learn about expenses. Life is tuff, if they dont think it is fair to chip in there, let them check into getting their own place, deposit, rent-utilities-food, they will see it is probably better to chip in with mom.
Do not let the each pay a bill with out you knowing it, they may not be responsible enough to do it, then what if it is late and you have to come up with double payments, late fees shut off expenses. Each week have a meeting and discuss what is due and when and have each one chip in their portion.
Keep all this in a little file box handy so you can update it and show the boys at a moments notice what is due and when.
You might even get one of those large calendars hang it on the wall and put all the bill due dates and pay dates on it.
Even when the boys help pay, allow everyone a little money to play on and then maybe the stress will ease up...
But Momma you need a little play money yourself, get your hair done at a beauty school for 5 bucks, or a manicure for 2-3 dollars, they can pamper you fairly cheap. Go see a dollar movie with a friend, have a girls night out, everyone bring their favorite "comfort" food and pig out and just have a good time, drink a little cheap wine, loosen up some...you deserve it.
Also, check with your local food banks for help with food, do not be too proud to accept a little assistance, that is what it is there for.....good luck hon, I hope things get better soon, and remember keep your sense of humor and a hand in gods and you will survive!

Answer 7

Yikes! I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time at home.

Have you considered that they are old enough to be on their own? The longer they live with you without the demands of financial responsibility, the less likely they are to become successful adults. The landlord/mortgage company, electric company, gas company, water company and the tax man won't care if they gripe, they would be cut off for not paying the bills. Its time for you to do the same...don't you think?

Good luck!

Answer 8

First, figure out all the monthly expenses in total - charge them each 15% of it. Save as much or all if you can.
1] write up a contract. Specify when and how much rent/board is due every month. If out of work, tell them to work day labor until they get a job.
2] they have two weeks to sign it, and if it isn't signed, they are OUT. Have them sign in front of a witness if possible. Give each one a copy.
3] If they refuse to sign, stop feeding them, providing rides for them, washing clothes for them. When they are not home, throw ALL their belongings on the lawn, or in their car. Then change all the locks. If they come back begging, make them pay back rent, and pay for the locksmith. No more chances after that.
4] they must vacuum their room, do their own laundry [ assign them a day ], and either help cook or help clean up every night they eat at home.
My boys have been doing their own laundry since age 12, cooking at least occasionally since junior high, scrubbing bathrooms since preschool, vacuuming since first grade, etc.

Answer 9

Go to extremes!!! Have the power turned off for a few days, when they ask whats up, tell them that you couldnt afford to pay it, or have the phone or internet cut off. You could have none of their favourite food in the pantry cause you cant afford that either!! They should get the message that your not just over-reacting - you actually need their help. Dont complain to them about it - just be really casual "Oh well, I'll work it out somehow" hopefully they will come to your aid without being asked anymore.

Answer 10

You're right, this is appropriate in the toddler and preschooler section. That's the way they're acting. You need to lay down the law - pay up or get out. You are not doing them any favors by enabling their selfish behavior. Don't divvy up the bills, just charge them room and board, and demand payment on the first of each mo. Be businesslike. You are the landlady of three adults (so-called).

Answer 11

if they are complaining about paying a bill then tell them to leave and find a house and then you will have to pay rent water electricity and all the other bills your the mum there old enough to live by them selves take some action and if they don't want to pay i would throw all there stuff on the lawn and ask for the key back and tell them to go find a place show them that your boss you live in my house you go by my rules