Nice guy, apologize too much?

Question

I apologize a lot. I'm really worried about offending someone. For example, today I brushed the purse of the girl in front of me in line and I apologized and she said "why, it didn't hurt you". ...That was refreshing. I try to be very nice to people. I dont want confrontation with anyone, I knee-jerk apologize for just about anything,

Why do I do this and how can I stop?

Answer 1

Yeah it's fine. I might do it a little too often, as 2 or 3 friends have told me, but it's better to apologize too much than too little right? I think the lady was just trying to make you more comfortable by being humorous, but its not like its bad u apologized. There are people who would've gotten offended or thought you were trying to take their purse or figured you a jerk or whatever if you didnt apologize.

Answer 2

I apologize to people too, but whenever I do it, it's because I feel I need to. If you bump into someone, or as you said you brushed the purse of the girl in front of you in line and you apologized. If you didn't she might of thought that you was trying to steal it. She should of been glad that you apologized. You could of been trying to steal it and then told her to give you her purse. She was just being rude. You did good. Take pride in what you do.

Answer 3

I know how you feel...I used to apologize to people all the time over nothing. The woman in line was being rude when she said what she did. If you brush someone's purse or bump into someone, it is appropriate to say that you're sorry. But, if you say it just to say it, then yeah, you do probably say it too much. Just remember that you have nothing to apologize for.

Answer 4

It's ok to apologize. In fact, I wish more people did it more often. The girl with the purse was just being rude. There was noting wrong with your behavior, in fact is was quite appropriate.

Answer 5

You may have grown up with touchy people, people who were looking for some excuse to blow up. And you gave it to them. You may have been blamed by these people for making them upset. As a child, you didn't know any better so you went along with it. Their ridiculous anger at minor stuff was your fault. You did this to keep the peace. To reduce your anxiety. To make the relationship work. This was a proper adaptation to your childhood environment. Now that you're an adult, it's no longer appropriate and is casing you problems.
The way you were treated is a form of abuse. And you should recognize it as such. Now, there's nothing wrong with being cordial and polite but it sounds like you're afraid of peoples anger. This may have to do with self-esteem as you see their anger and their needs as being more important than your own. And you may have actually been told this at one point in your life, that others needs are more important than yours. It's not true, but you believe it.
This is a deep childhood injury and may have to be worked through in therapy. Another thing to start with is to realize that you are just as important and valuable a human being as anyone out there. Other's anger and needs are not more important or proper or better than your own. Work on standing up for your self in little way first, where you feel it's safe. And then work your way up to bigger stuff. Recognize that no one's special, not you or other people. They aren't more deserving than you and you're not more deserving than them. We're all just people.

Answer 6

i think u do this b/c u r just afraid of causing a problem which will lead to an argument. its not really a bad thing but it can get annoying when some1 always says sorry for something that isnt to be sorry for or isnt their fault. its ok to say sorry like in a situation u explained u were just being polite. if u want to stop, just try not to say it unless some1 is giving u a bad look or it just feels absolutely necessary.