Family Feud?

Question

I am in the process of planning my wedding. I have always wanted a really small elegant wedding. (like 50 ppl) My dad just recently retired and is short on funds but told us that he will pay for our wedding. He said 50 people sounded like a good number and he will take care of the whole thing. My fiance's family is not okay with his. Him and his parents think that 25 people from his side is not enough people. I must also mention that they are not paying for anything. (Not even flowers and rehearsal dinner, which is normally covered by the groom's family) His immediate family lives locally so I am getting constant pressure from them and they say that I am being unreasonable by not allowing him to invite his entire family. (50 ppl+) I do not want to be rude to them, but I feel they are being extremely rude and unreasonable by expecting more from me and my parents. First off, am I out of line? And if not, how do I politely tell them to bug off and be happy with the 25 people?

Answer 1

First decide what matter more: the number of people or your dad's budget. If your concern is the # of people, put your foot down at 25 each side. If your concern is more on the budget side, approach it diplomatically.

Sit down with you future in laws and lay it out. "The wedding is going to cost $xxx per guest. Our budget allows us 25 people per family. We understand that you may want more then that so we are willing to compromise. You can invite more then 25 people as long as you are willing to pay the $xxx price tag for the additional guests. We will cover the first 25."

Then let them decide how many they really "HAVE" to have there. I am willing to bet that if they have to pay for it, the guest list will get shorter fast:)

Answer 2

First, you AND YOUR FIANCEE sit down with his parents and have HIM tell them that you love them and appreciate that 25 people is not a lot, however this is YOUR wedding and this is what you have chosen to do.

Of couse, you could also add that if they would like for their extended family to be a part of the wedding you could:

1. Do a live webcast of your wedding (see websites like ourweddingcast.com ) so that they can all watch the wedding as it's happening.

2. Have a pre-wedding party for just their side of the family (which HIS PARENTS would be completely responsible for planning and paying for....you tell them what date and time, and they do the rest).

You are not being out of line. I understand their concerns, too, but this is your wedding, not theirs, and there are some other good alternatives, as I mentioned above.

Answer 3

It seems like they are the ones who are rude to you!

I think you should stick to your limit of 50 total--especially if they are not contributing anything to this wedding. If they are willing to pay, then you could consider having a few more people. Explain to them that this is what you feel you can afford, and that it is your desire to keep the wedding small. Let them know that you understand they want to share this with all their friends and family--but it just isn't possible.

Maybe you could have a large family gathering/BBQ/dinner when you return from your honeymoon...

Answer 4

Let them know the truth and that you and their son have already decided on the number of guests that you want at YOUR day. If necessary also mention to them that your dad is paying the freight and that his budget only will allow for this number of people without causing financial difficulty. Please do not be rude and try and maintain your composure as best as possible. In my opinion your future husband should be there with you and defend your stance also when you speak with these unreasonable people. Best of luck to you and I wish you a very happy wedding and married life.

Answer 5

as my mother says "she/he who holds the checkbook.. rules"

(she being the one holding the checkbook for my wedding) my MIL isn't paying for anything - not flowers or rehearsal dinner - and she doesn't get to complain about a thing (it doesn't stop her from trying, but i just ignore her non-contributing self)

if your father is only willing to pay for 50 people then anyone over the 50 invited who walk in the door should be paid for by your fiancee's family.

i've noticed no one but immediate family shows up for the wedding they just come for the reception and the free food and booze which is the expensive part, if they want family there have them come to the actual cermony and not the reception if you feel the need to bend a little.

Answer 6

I love your idea. I think and this just my opinion but it is your wedding. The whole day is usually about the bride. I don't think that you are out of line. This something that you want to make a memory out of and your guest list whether it be 2 or 500 will not matter if it isn't what you wanted!

Answer 7

Tell them they can throw their own reception for the two of you (later) but you wanted a small intimate wedding and that's what you are having.

No matter what, people are always having to cut back on guest lists!!! Even if you plan for 300 people someone somewhere has to compromise and cut their list.

They need to look at it like this: The very most important, very closest people will be the ones helping you celebrate your day. :)

Answer 8

Stick with the 50 you want at your wedding and within your budget and politely suggest to them that you would be more than willing to attend an event of their planning, with the number of guests they want at their expense. It is perfectly okay to have a second reception at a later date for those not able to attend the original event.

Answer 9

Yes you are being out of line.
Family is important and all should be invited.

That being said, if the groom's family is more than 25 people, the groom, or his family will have to pick up the cost, for the entire groom's side. That is reasonable; if they don't want to pick up the cost, they have no right to complain.

Answer 10

figure out how much the per person is and tell them to pay for anything over!! if you honestly dont want anything bigger than 50 then you come up with your half of the guest list and then give them 25 invitations they can mail out. they most likely wouldn't have more printed and they'll be stuck.