I've been dating my best friend for the past 10 months & love him very much. We've been intimate & he sleeps over about once a week. Here's the problem. I feel I'm losing the respect of my teenage children & wanted to earn it back. My beliefs have always been no sex before marriage, yet I adore this man. I told him last weekend he could no longer sleep over & I needed to gain back my self respect & the respect of my children. He seems distant, yet said he understands. Have I goofed?
2007-07-17 11:23:50 · 18 answers · asked by boogs11_99 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
NO you did the right thing for you and your kids. Men come and go but your kids are your kids forever. Never place a man before them no matter what. You felt wrong about it in the first place or you wouldnt be worried about losing the respect of your kids. Hurrah for you.
2007-07-17 11:27:59 · answer #1 · answered by shirley e 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes, because you had him sleep over. To cut him off not doesn't change anything for the kids. They know he has spent the night with you and you can't change the past.
That thing about no sex before marriage, is gone so yes you goofed. But you can still see him, just don't have sex at home with the kids in the house. Get a sitter and now you can go to his place and make all the love you want, and the kids will just thing you are out on a date.
2007-07-17 18:32:01 · answer #2 · answered by harold 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ummm... Yeah!
You've already proven that you don't "practice what you preach" - so that respect is loooooooong gone. And on top of it - cutting off sex ONLY works on the weak and timid guys!
Most guys - when faced with that situation - will do one of two things. They will either argue and complain about it (and likely tell you off) - or they will just go "elsewhere" to get laid. If that's all that your relationship is based on (other than the friendship) - then he is VERY likely to end it (hopefully JUST the relationship)...
But since you've already made your decision... backing down right away will make you seem "easy" - and will put you under his "control". Sit down and explain your situation whti him - and try to work out a compromise.
Perhaps he can't stay over at your place anymore, but you can still be "imtimate" at his place. This will give you at least some of the respect you're looking for - and let you keep the relationship at the same time ;););)
2007-07-17 18:32:19 · answer #3 · answered by kr_toronto 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You definitely didn't goof. But you also have to understand that this will be a tough transition for him. This might be a tough suggestion, but take it for what it's worth. Ask him if he'd be willing to join you in explaining it to your kids IF they asked. Does he stand by your decision? Does he believe it is important for the children? Would you be standing together as a team, if put under question by your children? Whatever happens, stand your ground. Your children are some of the most important people in your life.
2007-07-17 18:29:16 · answer #4 · answered by HollywoodHousewife♥ 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I would say YES you have. I understand you are trying to respect your children, but you also have to let them understand you have needs. and no one likes to be lonely...He is your bestfriend...He is someone you can trust and he has been there for you...There is no point in breaking up with him because of your intecourse reasons...Think hard about this, What if he ends up finding someone else because you let him go for nothing??? How are you going to feel??? I too have 2 children, but I am no longer with their father...I am happy with who I am with now and my children love him...You are a mother, and you should think of how to treat your man around your children...Im sure you know how...I am just saying that...As long as you are keeping your relationship woth him happy and the intimacy inside closed dorrs where it wont affect your children, then that is a healthy relationship...Your children will be grown (if not already) to know that they are going to have someone they need one day...Just like you...Dont let this guy go...He only wants to take care of you and love you, and when you push him away, it brings more pain..Make it work...and Enjoy the relationship...GOOD LUCK!!!
2007-07-17 18:35:37 · answer #5 · answered by ...oh... 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You need to have a talk with him and let him know how you feel about him,he may think that is your way of letting him go. As far as the sex maybe you need to have it else where so the kids don't know about spending the night.
2007-07-17 18:29:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never question your beliefs. If thats what you think will make things better than go for it. maybe try to some things with him and your kids so they see what a good guy he is and he is not just with you but will all of you. then your kids should see that you and him respect them. but he seems like a great guy if he understands. I hope i helped good luck
2007-07-17 18:31:52 · answer #7 · answered by Meradith 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, at this point you will either get a marriage proposal, or you may find out he's been using you. In the long run, either way you took the right step for yourself and your children, If you can't respect yourself, they not going to respect you.
2007-07-17 18:30:17 · answer #8 · answered by fuzzykitty 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
My mom's doing the same exact thing.
Yes, I've lost a lot of respect for her.
No, you did not goof. You did the right thing, and he should understand that your kids come first. I only wish my mom were as smart as you are.
2007-07-17 18:29:24 · answer #9 · answered by Kristin 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You shouldn't sleep with your boyfriend in the house with your children....especially teenagers.
He's a mature man...explain the problem and then both of you work on a solution.
2007-07-17 18:27:07 · answer #10 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋